It’s not surprising to hear that Instagram is one of the most popular “dating apps” in the world, even though it wasn’t designed for that purpose. But with over one billion users, 40 billion photos, and an average of 53 browsing minutes per user, Instagram is one of the most active sites that people use for flirting with a guy over Instagram, at least statistically speaking.
That means that while some singles are searching the likes of eHarmony or Match.com for real love, most users are more casual about their dating life. They would rather chat with friends of friends or even complete strangers on Instagram using the Explore feature.
It makes sense. Instagram showcases the “best side” of people. You can go from admiring someone’s photo and easily make small talk about their vacation or something they’re eating. And it’s so easy to take a public exchange of comments into the private DM room where you can chat one on one.
But you may also wonder is Instagram used for serious flirting or is it all just for casual fun? As we’re going to see in this discussion, it’s all about how serious you are about finding the right kind of Sexy Instagram Man.
#1 – Publicly Interact with Him
First, let’s start with how to get a guy’s attention on Instagram with interaction and pre-qualification.
You should be the one making the first move. Not in the sense that you’re DMing guys all the time or aggressively pursuing them. More like, you have to get his attention and then get him to DM you.
Why? Because this process makes sure that you’re only choosing the best quality guys, the high confidence and high-value guys, that are worth dating. You don’t want to flirt with all the weird creepy guys that are just asking for nudes, right?
Always, always, keep your standards high. Only give attention to the guys that you like and ignore the rest. Don’t give the wrong guys mixed signals. But give signals to the right guy and encourage him to start a conversation.
Start with simple gestures. Like his photos, but only his BEST photos. You can also comment on his photos, but try not to overdo it. Don’t flood him with attention. Just a little drop here and there.
Because here’s the secret. As soon as a guy notices you like his Instagram posts, he’s going to click on your profile. And that’s going to be what determines his level of interest. That brings us to the first tip: spend some time creating a great Instagram page!
#2 – Show Personal and Colorful Photos on Your Page
How do you flirt with a guy on Instagram? Simply put, make sure your photos are five-star quality!
Assuming the guy is going to check your profile before he even responds, (and he will) try to objectively look at your Instagram page and ask yourself, “Am I projecting the right energy?”
It’s not just about the beauty of the photos that’s important, but what the photos say about you.
Ask yourself these questions:
- Do I have a variety of face and body photos?
- Do I have funny or quirky captions to go with the photos?
- Do I show my life, my pets, the things that make me happy?
- Do I show adventures I’m having in my life?
In other words, if your Instagram page was a dating profile, what would you say to a potential date? What could you show him about your life, your job, your hobbies, that he would find interesting?
You should prepare your page as if it were a dating profile. That way, if a handsome and compatible man stumbles across your Instagram page, he will get a fantastic introduction to your personality.
Use your imagination and stand out from everyone else who’s just snapping a few selfies.
#3 – Mirror His Like and Commenting Style
The best way to build rapport with a guy is to mirror his energy, his enthusiasm, and his online flirting style. Don’t just do what feels natural. Instead, follow his lead and pick up on his style of conversation. Study his conversational patterns and then send that same energy back to him.
For instance, here are some signs of Instagram flirting that you should react to:
- He follows you
- He likes more than one of your photos
- He comments on your photos
- He tags you
- He mentions you to someone else
Sometimes men may even tease you just to get a reaction. Usually, if a guy is messaging you for no apparent reason, it’s a sure bet that’s he’s interested.
When he starts taking a slow approach, then mimic his slow approach. Like for like. Comment for comment. Let him know that you’re intrigued by him, but that the ball is still in his court. That way, you give him a little more time to think about you and how much fun a conversation could be.
#4 – Type Smart and Specific
But let’s be honest and admit that there’s some complexity on how to DM a guy on Instagram. It’s true, some guys are either too shy or too afraid to upset a woman by making the first move with a text.
Hey, we get it. A lot of women don’t like being DMed by guys they don’t know. But if you’re following each other, and have liked each other’s photos before, then your online friendship is developing and you’ve become comfortable with each other. .
It’s time to DM him using Instagram. It’s not creepy or too clingy to DM the guy first. But just so we’re clear, let’s review some do’s and do not’s about Instagram messaging.
- Be friendly and reach out
- Start with a topic of conversation
- Or ask a fun question
- Find something (safe) to laugh about
- Use a FEW emoticons
As you can see, it’s very important that you chat “smart” when talking to a high confidence sort of guy. He needs to see that you’re his intellectual equal and not just interested in his looks, or profession, or money, or whatever.
But hold up, remember to avoid these dumb chat mistakes.
- Use any abbreviations or slang he might not understand
- Avoid “invitation” messages that sound spammy
- Send too many messages at once
- Like every single thing they post – too much!
- Chat about negative or controversial things
- Offer him sexy photos – it makes you seem like a bot!
The objective of DMing a guy first is to show him you’re not a spammer, and that you like his photos. So less is more. I just think we all can do a little better than just saying, “Hey” or “Hi” or “What’s up?”
I think the best way to get a guy’s attention is to ask him a specific question. Maybe you can make the question about one of his recent photos, or what he’s doing in the photo, as opposed to just looks. That gives you both something specific to talk about.
#5 – Change the Tone of Your Questions
Here’s the real question we all want to know. How do you go from step one, when a guy likes your Instagram photo, to step two, which is learning how to flirt on Instagram DM?
If the guy still hasn’t made his move, it’s OK to up the ante a little bit and give him a more shocking question to react and respond to. Instead of just asking a safe question…
Ask a playfully teasing question like, “I go that restaurant all the time. Why haven’t I run into you yet? Are you avoiding me?” (Smile)
Ask a mega-confident “femme fatal” type of question, like “You need to post more gym photos, dude. I need more inspiration to uh…work out.” (Sarcastic Smile)
Ask a cheeky question, like “I notice you seem to like all of my swimsuit pictures. Should I post more or just stop trying to impress you? (Laugh Face)
This escalates sexual tension and gives him an easy way to flirt with you back. It also puts the ball in his court to respond back or to run away. Most guys don’t run away!
Flirting with a Guy Over Instagram Off-Site
Flirting with a guy over Instagram may not be as direct as using a dating site. But we all have to admit, it’s a free service, has great photos, free chat and picture sharing, and almost everyone on earth has a free-to-view profile!
Statistically speaking, more people are actually looking for a date online than out on the town. Maybe that’s some slow progress, because personality compatibility is so much more important than just looks.
In the end though, remember that the goal should always be to get you and your crush out in the real world and away from the Smartphone screens. Let him ask you out, or suggest an event that you (and your mutual friends) can go crash sometime.
I’ve written other blogs on how to turn an attraction online into an in-person emotional connection. Check out my blog over at Commitment Connection to see how you can start flirting with guys through text and eventually turn them into a boyfriend.