Rejection hurts. But isn’t it possible that we take the idea of rejection too seriously?
We know by now how hyper-sensitive some men can be – especially when you have to tell a guy the attraction is just not there.
By the same logic, women shouldn’t take rejection by men so personally, since it’s usually about “him” and not “her.”
In fact, rejection is surprisingly tentative, when you think about it.
And here’s the point. If rejection is tentative, and based on superficial moments and bad timing, then it’s very fixable.
If a guy loses interest in you, you do not have to move heaven and earth to get it back. All you have to do is regroup, adapt, and try again.
But try smarter, not harder.
That’s what we’re going to talk about in this article.
Let’s first talk about why a guy loses interest in the first place. Maybe he’s not your ex.
But he’s just a cool guy who seemed to like you a lot at first, but then grew colder the more you talked. Eventually, he just seemed to drift away and stopped giving you the attention that he was giving you at first.
Is it because he didn’t like you and he found some aspect of your life repulsive?
Hmmm, not very likely! Most guys just don’t take things that personally.
If you just met the guy, it’s probably NOT what you’re thinking.
It’s possible that he just lost interest because a man’s attention span is fairly short when it comes to dating. Think of how many women he sees on a daily basis, and then how many he interacts with because of work, family obligations, errands, and the like.
If he talks to dozens or even hundreds of women every week, he’s not going to be thinking about every single conversation or awkward encounter he had.
So what you perceive as a personal rejection or him losing interest in you, might just be a case of his attention drifting to 100,000 other things on his mind at the moment.
This could happen because of a misunderstanding. OR, it could be perfectly natural and not about you at all. He might be having issues at work, home, or even gastrointestinal issues, for all you know!
So let’s start the discussion by simply saying: It’s not a rejection unless the guy tells you directly that he’s not interested in you.
That brings us to the next point. If a man’s attention simply drifts, and he gets cold instead of hot, it’s extremely easy to get it back.
What do you do when the guy you like loses interest? First, unless he seems hostile, just assume that his current lack of interest is because he lost “concentration.”
He may have felt a connection at first, then kind of drifted, and now he needs to feel that attraction again.
It’s time to get his attention back with three factors in mind.
1. Look your best – dress for the part and make good eye contact.
(Here’s an article on a few scientifically proven ways to attract men)
2. Start a conversation and then give him signs of interest.
3. Make sure he’s alone, or close to it, and has free time to chat.
Men are easily distracted by a beautiful woman coming up to them and making conversation, so that’s the good news. You don’t have to flirt openly. Rather than be more aggressive, just try to engage him in conversation as a friend. Your smile, eye contact, and positive gestures are all the reminders he needs that he felt something for you.
Sometimes the problem is not a lack of interest, but just bad timing. Try not to catch him during working hours or when anything stressful is happening. Positive associations endear you to him.
But negative associations – even if they’re caused by temporary circumstances – will distract him from the attraction he feels.
Bottom line, if the first encounter seemed magical because he was relaxed, you both looked good, and the mood was fun, recreate that feeling!
Now let’s assume things have gone a little beyond bad timing. Maybe the last time you talked, there was a lull in the conversation.
Or maybe you get the feeling that because you said the wrong thing, he now feels negatively about you.
How do you get back with someone who lost interest in you, based on a perceived incompatibility?
Start by trying to understand why he lost interest. Was it because you didn’t understand something he was saying, or because he was offended by a joke?
Maybe it wasn’t a philosophical difference but what we might call an “energy shift.”
Some men don’t like it when a woman is too aggressively flirty, or too enthusiastic about a friendship that hasn’t naturally developed yet.
If a confident and good-looking guy senses that you seem way more into him than he seems into you, he second-guesses what is happening. Are you trying to sell something? Or maybe just cover up some flaw with too much exuberance?
He starts to wonder, “Why is she pursuing me? If I like her, then I’m the one who’s motivated to chase after her! If she’s pursuing me, then she’s telling me how I ought to feel.”
Now that’s not necessarily what every man thinks. But in understanding why guys lose interest after the chase, you have to realize that men expect a courtship to progress at a pace they are comfortable with.
A man expects to feel attraction and expects you to reciprocate with subtle, little gestures and signals if you’re interested. That pushes him to try harder, work harder, and take more chances with the romantic side of his personality.
Without those traditional cues guess what happens? He gets confused.
What happens when a woman approaches him with high energy, assertive, or even dominant energy?
One of two things. He either gets really turned off or really turned on.
So ask yourself if maybe the energy was wrong last time you talked.
And if that’s all the problem is? Then it’s not a big deal. You can easily try again and show him during the next conversation that he can lead and that you can project the feminine energy he is expecting.
Finally, let’s go years into the future…even as far as the first breakup in the relationship.
Is it wishful thinking to want a guy back, even after the first try fails?
No. It can be done.
It’s time to go back to the beginning. Positive and negative associations.
Positive associations bring him closer to you. Negative associations, like bad memories, conflicts, and stress, are what push him farther away. (Here’s a related article about happiness and staying positive)
Reconciliation is not about promising that you’re going to change. It’s more about rebuilding a relationship based on a stronger foundation AND going back to more positive interactions.
Sometimes it takes months or even years to “detox” and distance yourselves from those bad memories of the past. But if both of you are willing to work on self-improvement and revisit the attraction you felt in the beginning, you can bring the magic back.
For many, this is the hard part. Going back in time, so to speak. Remembering who you used to be before you changed for him.
You don’t want to rebuild a relationship with conflict, resentment, and disrespect. And yet that’s what the current relationship still feels like.
Rebuilding a relationship requires going back to the beginning and rekindling the positive feelings you both had for each other. Work with those.
Can he come back after losing interest? Just in case you’re worried about what he’s thinking, men are usually easy to read. A man who’s falling for you all over again behaves like a man in love for the first time.
He wants to make time for you. He is attentive to you when you reach out to him. He loves talking and texting you, and sharing feelings that he can’t with his other friends.
He may be a little more hesitant to officially “date” this time, but consider it a sign of maturity. He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes. He wants to live up to his promise this time. It’s something you both should approach cautiously.
Not only are you rejuvenating positive feelings of the past, but you’re also learning from your mistakes. And that’s how to get your man back.
Resist the urge to splurge emotionally or demand a return to the status quo.
Instead, focus on building new memories in a new relationship. Recreate the lost attraction by being more like that person he first fell in love with. Fill your hearts with positivity and you will notice quick results.
Want to learn more? Find out how to ask a guy if he likes you by checking out my website.