Should you tell your crush how you really feel? Don’t most dating books advise you to always wait until the guy says “I love you!” first? But on the other hand, wouldn’t he get upset if you never told him how you feel?
Well, even if you are supposed to tell him, then there’s also the question of how to tell him you love him for the first time – you know, without scaring him away!
First thing’s first. Your instincts are correct – you can’t tell him you love him as soon as you feel a strong attraction.
Coming on too strong – especially before a guy has the chance to fall for you – is a sure way to put him on the defensive.
But you’re right thinking that you have to give him something. If a guy feels unappreciated or that you really don’t think of him romantically, he’s going to eventually move on.
What you have to do is find a compromise and that’s what we’re going to share today – how to communicate love without wearing your heart on your sleeve.
Should I Tell Him I Love Him
First, let’s talk about whether or not you should tell him how you feel at all. The problem is you don’t want to overwhelm him, by announcing that you love him without knowing how he feels first.
But on the other hand, if you never tell him then you are not giving him any reward for all of his attention. Maybe playing hard to get works some of the time, but if you never give him any reciprocation, he will eventually start to ask questions like:
- Why am I working so hard to impress a woman who doesn’t like me?
- Am I wasting my time?
- Does she see me as a real love interest or is it just mindless flirting?
- If she’s this cold in early dating, how affectionate will she be later on?
- Maybe she treats all guys the same way.
As you can see, the problem is if you don’t give him some rewards for his attention, he starts to question his interest in you.
If everyone speaks a secret “love language”, then what would remaining mute be considered?
It would be withholding or manipulative. He would be learning your love language (in gifts, in expression, or time, etc.) and yet you would be communicating nothing. Maybe tolerance – but certainly not love.
A guy needs to hear and see and feel love from you. It just has to be done in a very specific way.
When to Say I Love You for the First Time
When should you say I love you for the first time? We can’t be dogmatic and say there’s a precise moment in time when you have to say certain words. It’s not like opening a Stargate!
It’s not so much that there’s a set time to do it either. Rather, you’re waiting for a phase in the relationship – one where you can already sense that the guy you like is falling for you.
That means not in the beginning. Not after sex (especially if you sleep with him too soon). Not when he’s dating other people or seems unsure about what he wants.
The ideal time to say something is when you sense that his heart is changing and he’s starting to imagine a future with you. Attraction has become care. Sexual feelings have become more complex, romantic and soothing.
He doesn’t want to lose you because you are special to him and you make him feel wonderful whenever you speak. That’s when most guys start thinking about love.
But the key is, the guy has to be thinking about it – and he should be inclined to say “I love you” somehow, even if it’s subtle.
So part of figuring out how soon to tell someone you love them is figuring out when the man shows signs that he’s falling for you. These visual cues might include:
- He hints about a future together or even asks you about long-term future plans.
- He looks into your eyes for long wordless moments.
- He thinks of your comfort, rather than just his desires.
- You know a lot about his life by now.
- He shares secrets and inner thoughts.
- You have made him happier since you’ve known each other.
- He appreciates everything else – besides just your beauty
- He is not afraid to be vulnerable with you.
- He always wants to spend time with you – even beyond sex!
- He is always a little nervous about hurting your feelings.
Signs like these are hardly ever faked. (Yes, it’s possible but unlikely) It’s easy to fake romance but it’s difficult to fake behavior. When you can tell he really wants to be with you and is thinking about you all the time, he will show it – not just say it. He will put forth a special effort to win you over.
That’s when it’s time to convey feelings of love…even if you’re not saying it directly yet.
Is it OK to tell a man you love him first? No. The best strategy is to get him to say it first and then assure him that you feel the same way.
Consider some ways to communicate love.
How to Say I Love You for the First Time – If He Doesn’t Say It
Before saying anything meaningful, it’s important to make sure he’s giving you his undivided attention. Make sure he’s listening and eliminate any potential distractions. You want to choose the right setting too – a place he’s always liked. A relaxing location where he can feel unguarded. Maybe you could even take him to the first place you met!
Once you have his attention, look him in the eye and speak from the heart. Let him FEEL the passion and the love in your voice. Touch him and create a moment that he will remember.Now’s the part where you test him emotional vulnerability. Instead of saying, “I love you” directly, (and if you have doubts that he loves you back) then instead saying something sweet, kind, or reassuring. Give him a sincere compliment but make it more personal and emotional – something you really do admire about him. Tell him about his special qualities, that made you fall in love with him. Admit to him that you think about him, and feel something wrong for him, and that you enjoy the time you spend together.
But just stop short of saying “Love.”
It also helps you learn his personal love language. If you know how he communicates love, and you know by now how he wants to people to express love to him, you will have a good idea of how to tell him. Does he like talking and writing his feelings down in a letter form? Or does he show love in the gifts he buys? Does he like spending time together or doing favors for you?
What does he want in return for his loyalty? Anticipate that and show him that you love him in his preferred “love language” – before you make the confession. Does he swoon over his favorite dinner? Does he love it when you get him a sentimental gift? Does he love a particular dress or going to an event you enjoy together?
You can test these other expressions of love first, to gauge his feelings and see how mutual the love is. When you tell him something sweet does he glow? Does he blush? Does he get a little misty-eyed? If so, that’s a great sign – because you didn’t even say the word “love” yet.
Now imagine how he’s going to feel when you tell him you love him! He’ll be overjoyed…and he won’t be caught off guard. In fact, he’ll be anticipating hearing your love confession.
Is it OK to say I love you for the first time over text? No – because being there in person and creating a physical memory, face to face and heart to heart, is what matters. At the very least do it over the phone or a webcam. Looking him in the eye means and falling in love with another person means everything!
Which brings us to the next point.
How Do You Tell a Man You Love Him for the First Time – If He Says It First
Now let’s say it’s time for you to just come out and say it. Maybe he’s given hints that he feels that way about you and so you feel it’s time to take a chance. Or, maybe he’s already confessed how he feels!
Is now the time to play coy or make him work harder for it?
No. It’s time for you to be honest and connect emotionally with the man you love. Now remember a few things before you say it…
Be Original and Creative
If you can think of a witty variation of the term, the guy will be impressed! Think of something that’s unique about your friendship and use some of the imagery or memories of that you make a one-of-a-kind expression of love.
Make Him Feel Safe, Strong, and Loved
Although telling him you love him is just as much about YOU as him, you have to consider his needs too. How does a man want to feel when talking about falling in love?
Is there a way to associate positive feelings with this confession of love? Of course there is! Avoid awkward energy or anything too sad. Instead, try to make him feel comfortable.
Make sure he’s relaxed and the environment is familiar and safe – somewhere he feels in control. Now, make sure he feels loved and doesn’t feel hindered in any way. Let him know he is free to speak his mind.
Lastly, give him credit and make him feel strong, protective, and responsible for you. A man wants to be a good provider for the woman he loves. Associating these feelings will only amplify the love you both feel.
Visualize How It Will Go and What You Will Say
Finally, try to visualize and imagine how you are going to say it in advance. Anticipate exactly the words you might use and where you will be, and how he might react. Think about the sounds and sights going on at the same moment. The more you visualize exactly how it will play out, the more confident you will be when the time comes.
Have more questions about dating or how long does it take for man to fall in love? Check out my programs!