You’re right thinking that a guy should text you first, rather than you initiating a chat with him.
Why? Because a guy needs to feel like he’s the one pursuing you. This confirms his attraction to you and it all feels like it’s his idea. His passion, and the woman he loves.
That’s why we need to discuss how to get a guy to text you first without texting him. You have to frame it in a way that says, “I want you to text me…but it has to be YOUR idea, not mine.”
In other words, “I want you to feel safe with you…but I also want to see the effort coming from you!”
It might sound weird, but it’s exactly what works on guys. A guy may need to be goaded into being a dashing romantic hero, true.
But when a guy finally does take a chance and puts his heart on the line, it makes him feel great! And he becomes addicted to your attention, texts and all.
Let’s discuss some ways to cleverly broach the idea of texting.
Give Him an “Excuse” to Text You
Excuses are one of the best ways to secretly flirt because you can always hide behind a platonic gesture. For example, if you both talk about an online opportunity, a funny cartoon, or a news story – anything worth sharing – that conversation could lead smoothly into an excuse to text each other.
If the idea of dating or calling each other feels too awkward, you can use the excuse of sharing online information in the fastest and easiest way possible. (I mean does anyone ever write down URLs?)
Get Him Comfortable Around You First
If you haven’t mentioned texting yet because you’re still not sure he likes you…then good call. Texting is really more of a “next level” stage. First, you want to establish a friendly, flirty, and easygoing relationship before either of you asks for anything more.
Focus on being a fun date BEFORE a date actually happens. Joke around, tease (but always in good taste), and let him know that your matching sense of humor is what makes the friendship so cool.
Then, it’s much easier for him to reach out to you online so he can share funny stuff and you can continue your friendship based on having laughs and sticking to fun topics.
No dating necessary, right?
Turn the First Text Into an Errand
This might not be as fun as the others, but it works just as well. Rather than talk about texting, talk about something happening instead.
Think about an upcoming event you both want to go to, or a work project, or something else that you might have in common. You need to keep in contact about this event, and texting is a logical way to do that.
He is more inclined to text you first if he’s asking you a question or getting back to you on something specific that you talked about. A.K.A., business, or running an errand…but not a date!
You could even ask him to remind you about the event drawing closer – you know, by texting.
Make It More Like a Game Than a Gamble.
Guys don’t like the idea of failing at a game, so some guys might avoid going out on a limb and asking for your phone number.
So what you can try is turning the text conversation into something a little more challenging and fun.
You could tease him about it, saying something like “I can’t just give you my number…unless you give me something in return!”
Challenge him in good fun and then offer to reward him for making the effort.
It’s silly, yes, but on the other hand, it works. It STILL motivates the guy to make the first move, and not you.
Butter Up His Ego by Confiding In Him
This one is a kind of sneaky and you have to be careful about avoiding any negative emotions. But still…it works some of the time.
If you appear vulnerable or even stressed in front of a man, he will want to help you and volunteer to chat anytime you want.
Just having the attitude of “Oh, I wish I had a friend to talk to…” will move him to volunteer his number and get yours.
Men love to feel needed. They like being providers. They want to be your go-to guy for manly things. Even in platonic relationships, some men really enjoy playing the role of big brother to their female buddies.
I guarantee you most guys will jump at the chance to be your online confidant! All you have to do is start the conversation and give him the impression that you want to talk to somebody.
Just keep things positive and don’t go too dark, because positive associations still matter.
Butter Up His Ego By Appealing to His Intellect
While some guys do enjoy being known as the strong one, the big brother, or even the surrogate dad type, there’s another way to appeal to his ego – and that will also inspire him to reach out to you first.
Show him that you value his intellect, wisdom, opinions, and expertise. When you seek him, ask him if he knows about “(his favorite subject)”. Or ask a specific question related to his field of interest.
The provider instinct kicks in again, but this time for his intellectual resources. If you want to how to get a guy to text you first, butter up his ego by treating him like an authority on a subject.
You might even hint that you have more questions but can’t remember them…which might prompt him to bring up social media or offer his phone number for any future consultations.
But of course, getting him to text you is just part of the challenge, isn’t it?
Let’s now consider, after the initial texting conversation, how do you get a guy to keep texting you?
What to Text a Guy to Get His Attention
This is really not as hard as it seems, because too many people hyper-focus on “awkward” and so the conversation becomes awkward.
Instead, try to focus on what is comfortable and familiar.
Discuss More of the Same
You could reference something that you previously talked about in person. That makes it easy for him to pick up where he left off.
You could reference something specific that he said, or start talking about a related topic.
For example, “Oh I got a chance to listen to that album you recommended…”
Or “Didn’t you once tell me that yada yada yada? Well, I found out today that…”
Start Talking About His Favorite Thing
Guys are a sucker for the old “Let’s talk about you!” Not him specifically, but his personal expertise. Men are always ready to show off their intellect, and or talk about the stuff closest to their hearts. Passion gets a man talking.
So instead of safely discussing the weather or what he’s been doing, ask him about one of his hobbies, his job (if he likes it), or maybe about a long social media rant that he posted yesterday. (Do you know any guys that do this? Ha-ha!)
Keep Him Laughing
Fun associations work wonders! I guarantee you he is getting stressed from all corners of his life. So give him some positive feelings for a change. Send him funny stuff! Funny jokes, memes, cartoons, and other internet laughs.
They don’t have to be all you. Stealing funnies is pretty much standard net behavior.
But even better: if you somehow know the funny cartoon or meme expresses how he feels about a particular issue, he’s going to love it!
Make him look forward to your texts every day or at least a couple of times a week.
The best texts a guy can’t ignore are the ones that evoke strong emotion in him. Like something funny. Or something heart-warming…something that brings him to life!
(Here are a few funny recommendations for the average web-savvy guy)
How Long Is Too Long to Wait?
Now let’s say the problem is not really that he never texts you…he just takes forever to reply!
Yes, believe it or not, it’s a common complaint about men. Why do guys wait 3 days to text?
Is it a mind game? Does he literally just forget about it?
In most cases, it’s just a matter of the guy wanting to type out a good response…but not having the time to do it.
He might read your text, think about it, think about what he’s going to say, and then post it until he has more time to explain himself.
And then guess what? Stuff comes up. It’s not necessarily that he takes you for granted. I think a lot of guys are just a little perfectionist when it comes to texting.
After all, how many times have texts been misunderstood in dating and relationships? Vague or unclear texting can cause serious problems in miscommunication! No wonder guys take texting seriously and don’t want to rush out a text before he has time to think about it.
On the other hand, how long is too long for a guy to not text you back? There’s giving him space… and then there’s just “Wow, he still hasn’t texted me?!”
It’s safe to say that if a guy is not texting you back within four or five days, he either lost interest, is dating someone else, or maybe just forgot about the text.
(Read some interesting reasons why guys might not reply to texts!)
Does Ignoring a Boy Get His Attention?
That brings us to the final stage – how to get a guy to text you back without being annoying.
I think we all know what annoying texters are like.
Constant questions, rambling on about nothing, talking about boring things, or just muttering half-sentences that go nowhere.
No one likes that! So always remember it’s better to let days pass than to respond too quickly and bring any awkward tension to the conversation.
In case you’re wondering, will ignoring him make him pay attention to me? The answer is a little more complicated than just doing a hard snub.
If you consistently message him and he stops responding as fast, or ignores texts entirely, then YES, it’s time to cut back on your messages. If he doesn’t appreciate them, then don’t waste time and effort on sending any more.
It’s obvious things are not working and he’s not responding to you in a respectable period of time.
So change the strategy. Stop giving him the gift of your full attention. Instead, start talking to other people. Start doing something else and replacing him with something more entertaining.
Once he sees that you’re still having a ball, he will start to realize you forgot about him. Now he’s provoked. Now he’s probably starting to miss you. It works.
But if he’s really not into you (because of a personality conflict or bad experiences in the past) then ignoring him is probably exactly what he wants. It’s best to let some time pass before trying again.
How Do You Get a Guy To Text You More Often?
Figuring out how to get more texts from him is not a riddle. It’s not even a matter of seduction!
It’s just a matter of figuring out his preferred way of texting. You study him and see what texts he responds to the most. Does he like funny fast meme sharing and silly news stories? Does that always get a laugh? Does he reply to the story? Then that works! Do more of that.
Does he really enjoy it when the two of you delve into deep subject matter? Then devote more time to talking about shared interests, and let him show off just a little bit.
If you notice that he doesn’t respond to talk about dating/relationships, forced pleasantries, boring topics, or any un-fun things in the world, then don’t push him.
The only way to get him to message you more is to make it rewarding for him. Find out what gets him going emotionally and intellectually – via text, (or social media – you know you can spy on him commenting on pages and groups, right? – and then engage him. Be his #1 fan and he will definitely start texting you more often.
If you want to read more about how to get a man interested via text, and how to get him seriously flirting with you, then check out these flirty good morning texts for him!