Men are romantic. Men chase women. Men should beg for the attention of a woman he likes. You’ve heard the cliches…and not surprisingly, many of them are becoming outdated.
Sure, some men are romantic by nature. But is it true that we’re all extroverted, romantic poets who are also ultra-confident in our sexuality?
Mmmmm, probably not as often as the movies like to suggest.
While some guys might be very gregarious and persistent in trying to date you, there are just as many guys who will approach dating differently.
This type of guy might not go up to you right away and ask you out. Some of these guys might be shy or simply reserved. Perhaps they like to watch you from a distance, examine your surroundings, and try to determine a more strategic introduction.
And then you have guys who are just oblivious! They don’t see you. They are preoccupied. They may have lots of female attention and so don’t actively look for new dates.
And if you like a guy like this, the kind that is a little more mysterious, and not the charming gentleman type, then just waiting for him to approach you might not always work.
That’s why for this article, we’re going to talk about how to attract a more challenging type of man. Namely, the one you’re crushing on and the one who doesn’t seem to notice you.
How to Make Him Like You – Fast Version
I’d be lying if I said attraction isn’t at least 50% physical for most guys. But it’s not really about having a perfect face or body. Most guys are attracted to a variety of body types and facial shapes. I mean, how hard is it to get a man to turn his head when you’re walking by?
Probably not too difficult.
But men tend to pay closer attention to detail and not necessarily perfection. That means they’re paying attention to your grooming, your clothes, your makeup, and even the expression you have on your face.
Men are attracted to friendly faces. Scowling, or giving him the “I’m evaluating you” type of stare is not going to attract the average guy.
He needs something more. That’s why successful women focus on what they’re projecting.
When a woman meets a guy she likes, she projects a spirit of happiness, friendly feelings, and a welcoming nature. She smiles as soon as they make eye contact. She holds strong eye contact and conversation flows naturally. The conversation doesn’t feel forced, because she enjoys making new friends and interacting with men in general.
In essence, she is charming him. She doesn’t have to be aggressive or overbearing at all.
He just instantly senses that she’s a high-value woman and that there’s something very attractive about her.
And now here’s the big secret. All she’s really doing is letting the guy lead.
She lets him direct the conversation. She listens closely. She maintains her exuberance and confidence. As the guy senses this, he feels an even more powerful attraction to her. He gives her more attention. Bolder attention, even admitting that he might want to date her.
And the more attention he gives her, the more she rewards him with flirty signals letting him to know to keep going. She eggs him on just to see how far he will go, and that’s what makes for really good sexual chemistry.
This is the dynamite that’s missing in a relationship with “no chemistry” or one where one or both partners just don’t seem to feel attraction.
How Do I Get a Guy to Like Me – Advanced Version
Maybe you know the basics by now. But if you’re still wondering how to get a guy to like you back, then maybe there’s some disconnect in the communication.
In some cases, all you need to do is just be a little more courageous in approaching a man and starting a conversation.
Consider for example that men are not always romantic by nature, and certainly not gregarious about sharing their feelings. Statistically, many men actually wish women would take more initiative in flirting. Some men even want more romance from women, if you can believe that.
So if men are not threatened by confident women, it may be time for you to be a little more outgoing when meeting new people.
There’s nothing manly about a woman approaching a man, as long as it’s a platonic chat.
Just think about how effortlessly a Jane Austen character like Elizabeth made conversation with all the men around her. It wasn’t overly friendly or even flirty. Just polite, enthusiastic, and confident.
If you see a man you’re attracted to, go up and introduce yourself, OR find something in common first so that you’ll have an issue to discuss. Simple, right?
That’s a civilized conversation and requires no seductress skills whatsoever.
In contrast, waiting for a guy to become a dashing romantic lead is not a great way to approach dating. It gives super gregarious guys an opening, sure. But what about the others? The more interesting guys that may not approach you until they’re sure of what they want?
Guys may notice you staring at them, but if they can’t figure out a way to introduce themselves – without giving off a creeper vibe – they may not approach you at all.
At the very least, consider moving closer to a guy you have your eye on, just to see if he takes a chance. If he says something weird or even something completely innocent and business-like, that COULD still be an opening.
Draw him out more with a question or a statement. Let him know that he’s welcome to talk to you and you’re not going to snub him or say anything rude.
A lot of decent guys out there are a little nervous about upsetting women, or being accused of harassment, or just bothering them. He really needs to know that he’s a welcomed presence before he starts broaching the subject of a date.
What Words Attract a Man?
As much as we’d like to believe that instinct and body language, or even pheromones, are all that matter in dating, we have to admit that language does play a pretty big role in dating.
The way you both talk influences the way you see each other and feel about each other, especially in the beginning.
Consider that your words are basically feelings just waiting to happen.
What you say will directly or indirectly make him feel something, or understand something, or respond in some way to what you’re saying. Words can convey respect, curiosity, and even attraction. And the guy definitely FEELS the implication of your words, whether consciously or subconsciously.
Female friends have told me that men like especially like hearing these conversations from women:
- Anything about how he solves problems for you
- Anything about his generosity or humanitarian efforts to others
- Thanks for what he has done for you
- Showing respect for his intellect or special expertise
- Telling or even showing him a feeling of trust
- Giving him a compliment for something he did
- Describing his good qualities
- Expressing admiration for his work or personality
- Separating him from the crowd of “other” (lesser) guys
- Asking him for advice on your problem
- Sure – even complimenting his body works!
Now it’s not the intention of this article to teach you neurolinguistic programming – believe me, it’s kind of boring and technical!
But suffice it to say, the feelings we describe in conversation, as well as the visuals and the sounds, tastes, and smells, are what he experiences.
So ask yourself do I talk about positive things? Do I paint him nice visuals with positive associations? Do I keep our conversations interesting and exciting?
Or do you find yourselves talking about a lot of negative things? Controversial arguments, or even depressing subjects. How does that help in creating attraction?
You really want him to think and feel that?
Keep it positive and give him the happy feelings he wants. That’s how you want to be associated in his mind!
How Do I Get Him Hooked
Now let’s fast-forward in time a little bit, as far as the relationship is concerned. Let’s say just before sex, or maybe even after sex.
You’ve done a good job in learning how to make a guy like you so far. You’ve had many good conversations and you may have been on a few dates.
But how do you keep his attention from drifting?
Not a trick question. What’s the answer?
I know what you’re thinking.
It’s sex, right? Sex keeps him interested in you.
I’m going to go out on a limb here and say NO, sex isn’t what gets him hooked on you.
Sex is more like the icing on the cake, or if you will, the romantic creamy center of a much larger cupcake. The cupcake has to be built on positive emotions and compatible personalities.
The emotion, the logic, and the inner peace you give him – that’s what keeps him in your life. Sex helps but it doesn’t save a relationship. He has to fall for you first before sex happens, or else he will have problems reconciling whether this is love or lust.
How Can You Tell If He’s Falling for You?
Lust is pretty easy to spot. He’s obsessed with you physically, and maybe even gaga over your unique personality.
But you’ll notice he’s all about the moment. The temporary pleasure. The compatibility you have, and the feelings you both experience. He loves talking about the connection.
But there’s a sketchy future, isn’t there? He doesn’t talk much about it or even speculate about the future. You don’t know his family very well, or his friends. He’d rather keep you a secret than mix you into his private life.
In contrast, men who are falling in love are instinctively building a new life around their partner.
A man in love makes sure his partner is provided for. He talks about the future and the past. He talks about his feelings. He talks about sacred things, like family, traditions, beliefs, and life goals. He shares everything because his partner helps him find inner peace.
He makes time to spend with her because now she’s become HIS comfort, his treasure, maybe even his motivation.
So if you ever wonder “How do I make him make time for me?”, what you’re actually saying is, “How can I get him more emotionally involved with me? How can I build trust between us? How can I make him feel like a provider, and see a future with us in it?”
Sure, you can talk things over and get him to agree to spend more time with you.
But where’s the emotional involvement in that? If that happens, he’s doing it because he’s been ordered to do it.
The better solution is to figure out what he needs from you emotionally. Figure out what he wants emotionally from other women too. If you figure out what makes him happy then you can turn your together time into something he looks forward to.
A spiritual healing, a ritual of trust-building and intimacy! He feels better every time you get together because it’s about you, and him, and the memories you make together.
After all, the only way for you to “complete him” (as old Jerry Maguire once said) is to learn his personality. Once you learn what moves a man’s heart, it’s so much easier for him to fall in love and stay in love with you.
Does It Take Time for a Guy to Like You?
Of course, love or even “like” takes time.
But keep in mind statistically men fall in love first, and some studies even suggest, that men may even take as little as three months of dating to fall in love with a woman.
If you feel uncertain about the relationship, then something is wrong. Maybe it’s time to strategize and figure out how to change the dynamic between you two.
Find out how to ask a guy if he likes you and what to do by reading my blog and books!