If you like a man, and you’ve been chasing him too long (so much so that he’s getting sick of hearing from you) then you will usually hear the advice, “Cut him off. Detox. Give him the gift of missing you.”
Of course, not everyone is honest enough to discuss the worst case scenario, namely that he is relieved, never contacts you again, and lives happily ever after in the arms of someone else.
Hey, it’s time to discuss the good, bad and ugly of this strategy, because I always make it a point to be honest. Sometimes it works and when it works it’s great! He misses you, he realizes how happy he was when you were together, and he chases you all over again, ending this epic love story in a romantic way.
Then again, sometimes he’ll go years without contacting you. He’ll try a number of other relationships and if they don’t work, MAYBE he’ll think about getting back together with you. And the worst case, he never comes back.
The question is how do you know what will happen and how can you deal with the consequences of that?
Let’s first consider how to predict whether he’ll come back or not. There is a way to do it, besides just dreaming or randomly guessing.
Positive Association is the Key!
Okay here’s the part that hurts. If the relationship was characterized by negative emotions, jealousy, stress, heated arguments, bitterness and resentment, then once he breaks free it will be hard to get him back. He is fleeing that negative environment, even if it was his fault. He wants to run and jump into a pool of positivity. Sex, fun, mystery and new experiences, that’s what he’s attracted to. Guilt, regret and missing you are not motivating him at all at this point.
Now this doesn’t necessarily mean you have no chance of getting back together. The challenge now becomes to create a newer and better version of yourself. Someone who reflects both the qualities he originally felt attracted to, AND also the new you, the one who projects confidence, positivity and mystery.
Should You Make First Contact?
This brings us to the next question: regardless of whether you chased too hard or the relationship just ended over time, should you make first contact or should you let him come to you? Let’s consider the correct “formula” for getting your ex back, in a series of steps.
Step 1: Make sure he has all the time and space he needs. Don’t force him to “remember” you by checking in on him.
Part of the reason men leave in the first place, is because they need time away from the woman they care about. They may want to sow some oats…but usually it’s more along the lines of they want to time to think. They want to spend time alone, think about the future, and figure out their feelings.
If you have had stressful dealings lately, then he needs time to forget. No wonder then that chronically stressful relationships need months or even years to heal. It’s not about whether a few months have passed or any specific time frame. What’s more important is whether he’s had sufficient time alone to understand his issues.
Step 2: Wait until he approaches you, at least in the beginning. This indicates he’s ready to start the friendship again with a clean slate. This is your chance to spread positivity!
Avoid begging, avoid trying to start the relationship over, and avoid any negative emotions. If he wants friendship then that’s exactly what you should give him. Be polite, kind and very low-stress. If your old relationship together was characterized by conflict, go the opposite direction. Treat him like a new friend, no benefits, no baggage.
Step 3: Be positive on your own, when he’s not watching.
Many women make the mistake of coming across as very positive when they’re around their ex…but then in private they revert back to the same negative patterns. Like stalking him online, stewing about the past, moping around, asking about the ex through friends, and so on.
The key is to live your life more productively, more vivaciously, regardless of whether he’s watching. Don’t do it just for the benefit of him. Get out and wander. Remodel your life and change the things that bother you. Refocus your energy on dieting, career, hobbies, reading and other pursuits. Living life more fully (in contrast to the old you who was always stressed out because of the relationship) allows you to project confidence that men find irresistible!
Step 4: Avoid making a move on him. The desire is to simply be attractive and let HIM lead in the relationship.
You “chased” before, in the sense that you were trying to win him back or make him feel something for you again. Now you’re giving him the option to chase you, as he feels comfortable doing so.
It’s also important to downplay any subtle gestures that are used to arouse his jealousy. Don’t brag about dating or post hot guys all over your social media page. This only pushes him farther away, because once again, you’re “leading” by telling him that you’re unavailable. He didn’t ask! Let him simply think about you until he begins the conversation.
Step 5: Avoid making any first moves, unless it’s completely innocent.
Finally, the best reaction is an under-reaction, especially when it comes to following your instincts. Most men do not want to start a relationship with their ex right away. Your ex will either want sex or he’ll just want to alleviate some of the guilt and regret by restarting a platonic friendship. Good, let him. Enjoy slowing things down and enjoying a normal conversation, with no sexual tension. Get to know each other as new people, with new and improved lives.
Usually, your instincts to do something dramatic or confrontational are all wrong. More than anything, he wants to feel safe, and he wants to feel that he can talk to you like a friend, and not as an ex.
In closing then, if you cut him off, will he miss you? Yes, he will think back to the good times and start to remember a better and more idealized relationship, like the early days, when you were just courting, just talking for the first time. That’s the dynamic you have to recreate, without stress or attached baggage. If you succeed, he may or may not to pursue a romance again. But what matters is that you he will begin to miss you and appreciate how you’ve changed for the better. That is the best-case scenario because he will once again see the high-value in you, the lovable and confident You he once loved!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
Wow I really needed to hear this..
This is so great
This is all I wanted to know. It’s educating
This is wow