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How To Let Him Know He Should Kiss You

The moment of the first kiss really IS a stressful thing, no matter how relaxed you both feel. Let’s be honest and say, it’s not about trying to be yourself and going for it when it “feels right.”

That’s way too much assumption as to how the other person feels!

Men are understandably intimidated by the timing of a first kiss. He doesn’t want to offend you. He also doesn’t want to assume that just because he made the first move, you have to follow along. He doesn’t want to get slapped or verbally attacked for being a sexist pig.

But guess what? He also does not want to make things awkward. He doesn’t want to go for it and have you blink away your anxiety and “let him” go in for a kiss when the timing wasn’t right.

So yeah, it’s safe to say most guys are intimidated by the timing of the first kiss.


The Male and Female Perspective

So while the man is overanalyzing the situation, here’s what you’re thinking.

One of two things, either (A) He better not kiss me! Or (B) Is he going to kiss me?

Is there a (C) or a (D) option? Maybe in some cases, but usually not.

You KNOW if you’re attracted to a guy or not, and definitely by the second or third date. There isn’t much of a grey area here. Nobody wants to be forced to kiss a person she doesn’t feel attracted to!

So the issue is not “Is he going to kiss me?” as much as it is, “Why is he not getting the signals I am sending him?”

And that’s where most of the communication trouble begins.

You may think your signals are loud and clear but he may well not get them at all!

For instance, don’t you think going out on two or three dates IS a good signal about how you feel about this guy? Of course it is, and he should know that, right?

But does he get that? Not necessarily. He’s looking for much louder and more obvious signals, because as we discussed, he doesn’t want to be embarrassed or feel “attacked” if he’s wrong.

That’s right, even cool and confident guys are sometimes intimidated by women.

He doesn’t want to make a move until he’s 99% sure you want him to do it. And he also has to feel confident in that moment, in control, and ready to make that first move.

Let’s reframe the question then. How can I SHOW HIM I want him to kiss me…right now?

It’s not about sending a subtle signal or a “Maybe kinda” sort of feeling. It’s about showing him how you feel and giving him proof that the attraction is mutual.

Now maybe your first instinct is to say, “Maybe I should just kiss him first!”

That brings us to the next point…


No, Don’t Just Kiss Him First!

This is not what he wants, even if he’s thinking it in confusion. Kissing a man is a little too aggressive and may threaten his masculinity. Even worse, it just reminds him that YOU want this relationship more than he does. The best way to make him fall for you is to remind him that this is all his choice.

But you ARE correct that you have to send him a BIG sign, that’s just as obvious as the forbidden “kiss grab” move.

Let’s list three of these moves that almost always get the point across.


1. Stare At His Lips

Don’t just do it once. Fantasize about kissing him all night. Think about it in great detail and imagine how romantic it’s going to be.

And then, when he catches you looking, don’t look away. Just smile a little bit, a subtle kind of smile, rather than a Joker grin! You might even call it a coy smile, something that says, “Whoops he caught me fantasizing about him kissing me.”

Revel in that energy. Blush a little bit. Then, stare at his eyes and then go back to his lips. Wet them a little bit, as if you’re preparing for him to come closer and kiss you.

With this series of motions, you are virtually telling him: Are you noticing my lips? Do you feel the same way? Are you thinking what I am thinking? (Cue: Lips…notice the lips!)

This is the best way to approach a man who may be shy or or a little socially oblivious. But remember it’s all in the smile and in the way you make eye contact.

You also have to factor in not necessarily timing but also location and physical distance.


2. Get Closer to Him and Let Him Get Cuddly

You’re right in thinking that it’s awfully hard to make a romantic move when a guy is dashing across the room and lunging at your face!

Kisses have to be choreographed a little bit – at least to the extent that you’re coming closer together…NATURALLY…so that your heads don’t have to go very far to make lip-to-lip contact.

So one of the best ways to do this is to help him get into a comfortable position.

By instinct, sometimes women back away when a guy comes into what I call “super close proximity.”

A woman might feel intimidated, OR may think she’s making the guy uncomfortable by being so intimately close to him.

What you want to do is stay put and LINGER for just a few long moments whenever he comes closer to you. When you sense that he’s just a few inches away from your face – like in a hug, or sitting on the same couch, or leaning on his shoulder – what you want to do is remain still and get his attention.

Just like this – so close to a kiss, both of you thinking about it, and neither of you backing away.

Now hold his gaze and relax. Make eye contact and let him know this is an ideal opportunity.

When he slowly moves closer to you, tilt your head, as if you are preparing for him to kiss you. It’s like the landing signals guiding the plane! Let him know that whenever he’s ready to “land” you are excited about it.


3. Set Him Up with a Juicy Phrase

By now you know LOUD is better – so as long as it’s not tongue-dashing him!

Instead, butter him up a little by discussing the CONTEXT of a possible kiss to come.

By implying something about a kiss, without actually saying KISS ME, you may put the idea into his head.

Use the power of suggestion to get his mind thinking about a kiss. You can make it funny or make it a little more sexy.

For example:

“Hey what was that look? What were you thinking just now?”


“Maybe you should say…or do…whatever it is you’re thinking…”


“You know…I was thinking of my favorite movies the other day, and there’s a scene in The Notebook…”

Clever! You’re not actually saying KISS ME, but you’re practically inviting the thought into his mind.

You can say anything really, but the main idea is that you are “talking about this thing between you and him” and make sure he knows that there is some chemistry going on.

You butter him up with words and then give him the physical signals that make him feel welcomed.


Build Up His Confidence!

In conclusion, what you’re really doing is sending him not-so-subtle signals that are going to give him a BOOST OF CONFIDENCE.

If he feels in control, and welcomed, (no mixed signals like backing away or blinking at him) then he is going to feel masculine and romantic – and he WILL make the first move.

Want to learn more? Keep reading my blog to find out more about relationships, dating, and connecting with the man you love.

3 thoughts on “How To Let Him Know He Should Kiss You”

  1. Matt, this is fabulous! That is to your articles and videos (as well as those from Helena), I took a guy I dated in my late teens and entered a friends with benefits type situation with last summer (25 years later!), and we are now an item! I’ve managed to tame an alpha male and make him a yes dear puppy just by using your advice.

    The only problem? Kissing! We’ve kissed once in a while but…when I asked some time ago why he doesn’t kiss more, he says it’s because he has to be in the mood for it. I think it’s very much what you said and a bit of stubbornness. I am definitely going to try your advice when we get together next, and see what happens. Wish me luck, and thank you for all of the amazing advice!

  2. I want to know how to show my man that am sick of fighting and making up over and over again we’ve talked abt it and he always promises we’re not gonna fight again but we wont last month please help mei wanna stop this

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