I’m In Love with My Best Friend. Now What?

Falling in love with your best friend is not that strange…it’s actually very common among friends who deeply care for each other and have known each other for years on end. Kind of like that show Friends, come to think of it!

It’s definitely a confusing feeling and sometimes it really does come out of nowhere. And contrary to what we see on shows like Friends oftentimes the friend that we fancy will NOT return the feelings and it can leave a person emotionally devastated.

Don’t take this situation lightly because whatever you’re feeling now, even if it’s a bit of unrequited misery, can get much worse if you make a rash action.

What I notice is that sometimes women (and of course men too, but let’s keep this focused on women for now) make impulsive decisions when they realize they’re falling in love with a male friend. Impulsive decisions are very rarely ever the right thing to do. Impulsive thinking might cause you to do something disastrous like:

• Sleep with a friend, not caring about the consequences
• Revealing your feelings to a friend and then getting the “I don’t love you in that way” speech
• Losing a friendship entirely
• Causing a vicious circle of gossip, lies, and exaggerations among your social network

This is why I implore you to read this article first BEFORE deciding on what you need to do to put this chapter behind you. Here are five items to consider before making a decision.

1. Friendship and love are very different things. Don’t confuse one for the other.

I know it’s chic and somewhat sensible to think that if you’re good friends with a person that means they’ll make an ideal love partner too. I disagree.

While there are exceptions to every rule, I do feel for the most part that just because you care about someone as a friend, it does NOT mean you’re compatible as living partners. Let’s take a minute to consider what love and marriage really mean: living with a person, sharing their outlook on life, and sharing in their life and career goals.

Think about all the friends you have right now and ask yourself, would any of them make an ideal living partner and father to your children? I’m sure you can think of quite a few guy friends you know who would make your life miserable!

So don’t assume that just because you care for someone as a person (even strongly care) that they’re going to be an ideal marriage mate.

2. It’s okay to see your friend as a sexual person…but not always a good idea to have sex with him.

Sexual fantasies are, of course, a normal part of reconciling our emotions. You probably fantasize about many people you know, whether in dreams or even just for a few seconds while daydreaming. (Heck, let’s go one step further and say, sure, you think about a guy at night because he’s THAT hot!)

But does that mean you SHOULD have sex with him since you know, sex will 100% complicate both of your lives. If a woman develops a crush on a married or involved man, it’s easy to see how sex can practically destroy a relationship—and affect other people. Is having sex with the guy going to ultimately hurt him in the future, even though it feels good for the moment?

Even if the guy is single, understand that sex doesn’t always lead to a happy fairy tale ending. Sometimes sex just happens…and then he meets someone else and falls in love. And that can leave you in a very negative place, twice as unhappy as you were before you made your feelings known. You thought having sex with him would cure something inside of you…but it’s only made it worse.

Lust and love are definitely not the same things.

3. You must decide now what’s more important to you—the friendship or the relationship.

You might assume that just because your friend chemistry is so smooth that a marriage based on mutual respect would likewise be easy to build. And sometimes the truth hits you years later: sometimes friendships are really good BECAUSE you don’t live with each other. You don’t depend on each other. You have mutual respect when you have some distance between you.

This is why I tell women, if you really decide to pursue a male friend romantically, are you willing to risk losing the friendship? Because it could end that way. You will change the dynamic as soon as you let him know you’re attracted to him. (Even if he makes the first move, same deal)

Now I do hope that you will be able to work it out with him and either (A) turn him into the love of your life; or (B) at least salvage the friendship and hope the awkward rejection and aftermath passes…and you can go back to being friends.

Let me assure you right now, IF you want to hold onto the friendship, you have to do it respectfully. Not impulsively…so don’t just decide to make a move on him when he’s vulnerable. Don’t just blurt out that you have feelings for him when you’re both drunk. Treat the situation delicately and with respect for him, a good friend in your life, and someone who’s been there for you time and again.

Lastly, remember that it’s entirely possible you simply “love” your friend because you realize he is the TYPE of man you want. He may have wonderful qualities that you love, and yet, still not be entirely compatible as a lover. In that case, you can still search for those qualities.

You’re right, that falling in love with a friend is never a meaningless experience. It does mean something and it means something about you. But always stop to consider what it is your heart is really saying.

Now if you are still determined to turn your friend into a lover, or at least tell him how you feel, please allow me to give you some pointers. In the next articles on this related topic, we’re going to consider “How to Ask a Guy Out” and “How to Get a Guy to Ask You Out”. Look for those topics and let’s continue this discussion.

10 Man-Melting Phrases That Make Him Yours

Have you heard of the secret words that unlock a man’s heart and make him addicted to loving you and only you?

They’re called “The Love Frames” and you’ll be BLOWN away by this…

Click here to discover them <<

If you’re ready to have a man…

…fall madly in love with you…

…start treating you like a gentleman should…

…obsessively thinking about you when you’re not around…

…and treating you like the #1 priority in his life…

You have to go discover The Love Frames…

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Then just use them on ANY man in your life…

Maybe your boyfriend, husband or fiancée…

Maybe that cute guy you have a crush on…

And watch how he lights up when you’re around…

How he can’t wait to see you again…

How he becomes yours and yours alone…

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You can thank me later!

Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. You’ll be the first thing he thinks about in the morning…

And the last thing he thinks about before going to bed…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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