Have you ever heard someone say, “You deserve better?” about your relationship?
Sometimes it’s a catty thing to say, true. But usually, when we hear that it’s coming from someone we deeply respect.
It’s someone that knows you very well, someone that can see things objectively. They might see how unhappy you are, and how toxic the relationship is.
The difficult part of it is that oftentimes you don’t see what everyone else sees. They say hindsight is 20/20 and that’s because we tend to SEE the things that reinforce our own beliefs.
We ignore evidence to the contrary because that brings us discomfort.
But the fact that you’ve actually questioned whether you’re staying for the wrong reason is proof that something is wrong…and that you might be starting to change your perspective of things. Consider seven WRONG reasons to stay with someone.
1. Because you’re afraid of being alone
It’s really sad that most people get into bad relationships solely because they hate being alone. The cruel irony is that being with the wrong person makes you feel even more alone and neglected than being physically alone. This is the personification of “self-defeating.”
2. Because it’s what you deserve for the mistakes of the past
If you have low self-esteem, or are punishing yourself for the past, your self-perception is likely very skewered. In fact, it might be downright toxic. If you’re dating someone because you think they’re as screwed up as you are, that’s a terrible recipe for a peaceful and happy relationship.
It’s just dysfunction waiting to happen. The only way to have a peaceful and beautiful relationship is to see yourself the same way.
3. You feel he’s the “best” you can do
On the other hand, maybe you don’t hate yourself. But maybe you feel underwhelmed at him (his simplicity, his obliviousness to your needs) and yet, you think… “I’m not going to find anyone better than him.”
It’s understandable that you don’t want to gamble and end up with nothing. But try to see the other side of this. If you’re “settling” on him (but not really in love with him) it’s kind of cruel to keep this guy on retainer. So what, you want to dump him when you meet Mister Right?
That kind of thinking is also self-defeating. There is no such thing as a perfect partner, true. But there’s definitely a standard of happiness that you require. If your current relationship isn’t a happy one, don’t settle down! You don’t deserve “perfection”…but you DO deserve to be completely happy!
4. You’ve invested too much to lose him now
Sadly, I hear a lot of this excuse too and it’s a recipe for misery. You’ve lost so much already…so you’re willing to walk through hell and back just to keep what you have? You’re enduring twice as much torture, and all because you refuse to separate from the source of your pain.
There’s no such thing as investing in a relationship and getting a huge Bitcoin pay off later on when he changes for you. Either you’re happy in the moment or you NEVER WILL BE.
5. Your children need you both
Altruistic? Sure…but the facts show that children who grow up in a divided or contentious households inherit that stress and anxiety. Stability and peace is more important to their upbringing.
Don’t stay together for the children if you hate each other! That’s probably doing more damage in the long-run. And don’t have a baby as a means to fix the relationship, because that ends just about as nightmarishly as your instincts might suspect.
6. Because you don’t want another failed relationship behind you
Sure, we get it. No one wants to be that person…the one that was divorced thrice, or has never had a steady boyfriend. But the main issue here is that settling on a dysfunctional or even toxic relationship doesn’t “count” as being happy.
If you settle on a bad relationship, you’re not fooling your friends, or family, or even yourself. It’s just doubling the stress, because you’re trying to be someone you’re not. It’s worse to tag along and endure trauma after trauma because you can’t admit a past mistake.
The best thing to do is to remove the source of stress – end the toxic feelings in this broken relationship – and then start over again, this time doing the opposite of those dangerous patterns that got you here. Work on yourself and change your thoughts and attitudes, before dating and falling back into the old routine.
7. Because it can only get better from here
Finally, don’t stay in a bad relationship because you figure “I’m the lowest I can possibly be…and it can only get better from here…”
My goodness, I’ve had so many friends tell me that over the years and it’s terrible to think there’s ALWAYS somewhere lower to go. So no, don’t buy into that lie. You go lower and lower and lower because you stay, because you clutch onto a sinking ship.
The only way things get better is if you seek shelter and start walking back to dry land, up the hill, and back to where you want to be.
Don’t Stay Because It’s the Right Thing To Do
The fact of the matter is that even if you love someone, that does NOT mean that staying with them is the right thing to do. It may still be detrimental to you and to your partner. The relationship as a whole may be a bad idea, regardless of love.
A lot of people stay because they think it’s the right thing to do. But if you’re unhappy (and he’s probably unhappy too) then it’s just recreating the same cycle of misery. The best thing to do is, first of all, try to change the dynamic in the relationship to something you can be happy with. If that doesn’t work, it’s time to stop holding onto an idea.
If you can now see reasons why it’s not a good idea to stay, and warning signs that you probably should leave, take that evidence seriously. Sometimes our instincts are spot-on and can see problems we don’t see.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
