What Chemistry Between People Really Means

One of the most confusing questions you’ll ever have to answer is: “what is chemistry?” What does it mean, scientifically?

Anecdotally, we can easily identify chemistry or a lack of chemistry.

When you go on a date and the guy seems nice but you don’t lack of attraction, that’s No Chemistry.

When you meet a guy who challenges you, intrigues you and you can’t exactly pinpoint why, that’s chemistry!

It’s easy to feel and identify, but not always easy to describe.

And frankly, even when you consider the intellectual side of chemistry, no one is actually 100 percent sure of what “chemistry” actually means.

Let’s consider five different explanations of what chemistry means. Most of these theories are about learning what attraction is, not necessarily defining romantic or sexual chemistry. However, learning what creates attraction in the first place will only help you as you continue to develop your social skills, feminine charm and inner confidence.

1. Chemistry means understanding masculinity and femininity.

This is actually a somewhat antiquated concept in dating, one that was pioneered in the 1980s and 1990s, with the idea of helping men and women learn how to flirt with each other. It was particularly helpful advice for men and women who were socially awkward and unsure how to behave on a first date.

Decades later, we understand that gender and attraction are more complex than male/female. However, some of the basic “rules” still apply. Confidence is sexy. The desire to chase and then play hard to get can be fun. Men projecting qualities like strength, determination and courage “matched” women’s qualities of “independence, friendliness, mystery and intelligence.

If one didn’t understand how to act on a date, it could be said that they lacked “chemistry”.

But studies later found deeper meaning in what chemistry actually meant.

2. Chemistry means shared experiences and values.

Chemistry could be an entirely intellectual process, not necessarily in terms of “smart attracts smart” but similar personality traits attracting each other in conversation.

Wikipedia suggests that some have defined chemistry as a special connection or bond, one that involves open-minded qualities. People who were non-judgmental and yet had similar backgrounds and lifestyles were more likely to match each other. That makes conversation flow easier rather than forced. It brings together qualities of “love, lust and infatuation.”

3. Chemistry is a shared physical experience.

Scientifically speaking, some feel that chemistry is merely a physical process, one that involves the stimulation of brain chemicals that create a romantic “spark” between two people. Some call it a mysterious “energy”, something that may even work on an unconscious level.

But what starts the attraction? It’s mostly subconscious, because in evolutionary theory, women have to be selective in choosing men and want a man who has exceptional genetic qualities – qualities that would produce healthier children. Psychology Today frequently mentions the evolutionary component in attraction, though of course, like most scientific theses, it’s the opposite of romantic.

But once a person FEELS chemistry, it feels intense! Like sex, like love, maybe even like obsession. When someone feels chemistry, their nervous system becomes aroused, leading to adrenaline-like symptoms like rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath and an increase in blood pressure. That’s the “weak at the knee” feeling that drives sexual attraction.

4. Chemistry is all about good timing.

Here’s an even deeper theory: what if chemistry is more about timing and circumstance, more than soul mate love? Some say that chemistry is a learning process, a bonding experience that both partners must be completely open to – meaning that if one is holding back (even subconsciously) the attraction will never develop.

Another article from Psychology Today expressed that chemistry can only really happen if two people are “comfortable with themselves”, and can express their true feelings – which in turn, drives natural attraction.

So there is some truth to the old saying that goes “Just be yourself.” Because if you can’t be yourself and the conversation feels forced, you will both resist natural chemistry.

5. Chemistry is about living a life we know.

Does fear of the unknown prevent certain relationships from happening? Quite possibly, because many of us are instantly attracted to qualities in mates that “feel like home”.

If it’s a family dynamic that seems strangely familiar, that means you know how to deal with it. You respond almost instinctively to your partner’s prompts – and that’s for better or for worse.

Boys are oftentimes attracted to partners who have positive qualities like their mother, just like girls are attracted to partners who have good qualities like their father. It makes a person feel safe and in control to deal with familiar dynamics and even similar lifestyles to what they’re already used to.

Unfortunately, the reverse is also true. If a child grows up in a dysfunctional household where the parents were abusive or neglectful, as an adult they may recreate or seek out those destructive patterns. It seems familiar. That means it creates strong emotion in that person.

You may feel strongly attracted to a man even though you know he hurts you and you know it’s a doomed relationship. This may be one form of chemistry, but there can be positive, passive or negative chemistry. A dysfunctional attraction is a source of great stress and extremely negative energy. These relationships can quickly become abusive emotionally or even physically.

Perhaps the answer to “What is chemistry” is not so specific, but can only be personalized by you. What chemistry do you respond to and why?

Do you go through life questioning things and analyzing your own behavior and dating patterns? Or do you go through life continually entering into these unhealthy relationships?

It’s not bad luck. It’s not that all men are dogs or that all men are the same. The problem may be a lack of self-awareness. Refusing to see the patterns and make a more positive change.

Remember that if chemistry is real, then we accept there are also degrees of chemistry. You must decide what kind of chemistry is positive, healthy and happy, while REJECTING chemistry that seems exciting at first but hurts you in the end.

It’s not always easy, but once you cross that bridge, you will find true peace. You will find a wonderful partner who loves you and respects you AND who knows how to turn you on. And you’ll find your self-respect. That’s how you know it’s real love!

10 Magic Love Triggers That Make Men Fall Hard For You

Have you ever been near someone who gave you a strange spine tingling sense of excitement?

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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