Do you ever hear horror stories about catfishers online who wind up scamming an innocent person out of thousands of dollars? Maybe you feel sorry for that person, figuring anyone with common sense wouldn’t fall for such a scam.
But that’s the problem. Most people wouldn’t fall for an obvious scam. But how about a more convincing one? How about a more clever scam that doesn’t involve millions or thousands, but just a few hundred dollars?
Sure, many people have been swindled out of hundreds of dollars, and it’s usually because they make the mistake of feeling compassion for someone they just met and believing the persuasive lie.
So in this article, we’re going to discuss a few signs of scammers online – and romance scammers specifically, since they have to be diabolical if they’re going to swindle intelligent people out of money…
1. They prefer not to use dating apps, more like texting and email.
Texting and email are tools of the catfisher since all they have to do is persuade and tell a story, and not provide physical evidence of their existence. Furthermore, if they meet you on a dating site and try to lure you offsite, it’s apparent they don’t want to answer to the dating company or any other third party.
There’s no reason to take things offsite, especially if just met the guy and want to spend some time getting to know him. Dating sites keep records of all correspondence and it’s interesting to hold onto statements and facts, just in case his story doesn’t check out.
2. Their story doesn’t check out “on the record.”
Speaking of which, nothing he says appears to be true, at least according to public records. Any decent man should have no problem with you running a background check. If he’s never done anything criminal, he has nothing to worry about. If he made a mistake a long time ago, then it’s best he tells you that in advance.
In the meantime, be very suspicious of anyone who (A) doesn’t cooperate with a background check and withholds information, or (B) tells you things that don’t appear to be verifiable with any background check service. For example, if he claims to be a doctor or pilot or something, but no record of a license ever comes up, he’s probably lying.
3. They can’t meet you in person… like ever.
One of the first things dating coaches tell people is to try to meet someone you like in person as soon as possible. Don’t postpone. Don’t wait a year and build up expectations in your mind. Meet in person, or at least Skype/Zoom on camera, so you can be sure you’re not being catfished.
Don’t believe a still photo. Heck, I wouldn’t even believe a 5-second prerecorded video clip. Everyone out there either has Facebook, or Facetime, or Skype, Zoom, or Google, or WhatsApp. It’s time to be real!
4. They need money from you… just this once.
Let’s get to the point. NO serious potential boyfriend, ever, is going to ask you for money. Ever.
Maybe a guy will have a bad week or a family emergency week, once in a while. Guess what? He’ll go out of his way to get the money himself, or work it off, or take out a loan, or pawn something – whatever, just so he doesn’t have to ask his date for money.
For most men, who take pride in being good providers, they consider their ability to pay their own way and keep a job a matter of personal pride. They would be embarrassed to ask someone (they’re trying to impress) for money, or for a huge personal favor that’s worth hundreds of dollars.
Maybe it’s something family members do for each other, but it’s not sane dating behavior. The same goes for men who try to lure you into a money-making scheme, suggesting he just got a job or needs leads, or anything like that.
Even if the guy is not scamming you outright, you don’t want to get mixed up with a guy who can’t hold down a job, can’t pay his bills on time, can’t have friends without constantly asking for favors, and basically, whose life always seems to be in shambles.
Things aren’t going to get any better in the life of this “tragic hero” who never seems to cut a break, and yet always has some master plan on making that money back. It’s just going to get worse. So think carefully about saying YES the first time he asks. You’re asking for a recurring problem child in your life.
5. They fall in love with you quickly… like faster than a Disney romance!
The real crux of the matter is that scam artists count on a FAST romance, not one that takes time to build. The guy is literally falling for you in less than two hours, less time than even Belle needed to fall in love with the Beast.
He needs you to believe that he loves you dearly in order for the scam to work. Scam romancers will pretend to be highly impressed at your wit, creativity, passion, and all your good qualities. This will make it more difficult to tune them out because everyone likes it when people say nice things.
But are the compliments genuine or just over the top whirlwind romance?
6. They love-bomb you and it feels amazing.
On the opposite end, they start “love-bombing you”, in essence trying to force you to fall in love with them too. They will turn on the charm, write poetic things, speak with charisma and passion, profess a strong attraction to you, and a desire to marry you. He’s different from all those other guys that just want sex!
Yeah right, but the problem is he never actually takes the time to get to know you. He grooms you to be his long-distance lover almost immediately. But it’s all fake and it happens so fast…
Why? Because con artists know if they don’t nab you in the first few days/weeks, they probably won’t ever make the sale. He will probably ask for a tiny favor early on, then as you “progress” in the fake relationship, his money requests will get bigger over time, a never-ending gamut of emergencies!
Now that you know the signs and can figure out how the scam operation works, it’s time for you to be more cautious when meeting people. Sure, there’s no reason to be cynical or suspicious of everyone you meet.
But do look for the signs that suggest something is off. Take your instincts seriously. Don’t try to persuade yourself to believe something that your heart simply doesn’t believe. It’s time to face facts, observe the signs, and then call this person out on their odd behavior.
Chances are, as soon as you offer proof that you know it’s all a scam, they will disappear in a hurry!
The biggest problem with online dating (and how to find your dream man)
If you’ve been unsuccessful with online dating then here’s something you need to hear…
The biggest problem with online dating isn’t your profile pics, what you say, or even your messages…
The biggest problem with online dating is this:
The bad men you have to weed through in order to get to a good guy!
There are actually 7 types of men that you want to avoid online.
If you want to know what those types of men are, how to recognize them, and how to avoid them so that you can attract the RIGHT man for you…
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You CAN find a great guy online… you just need to weed through the “losers” in order to get to him.
If you want to know the secret to attracting your great guy online, click the link below…
I may be a victim of such an online scam romance.
It wasn’t until 2 1/2 – 3 months when he mentioned that he loved me. It was over 5 months before he asked for the financial favor.
Does this still sound like a scam?
Is there anything I can look for or check on to validate that it is or isn’t a scam?
Socialcatfish.com works really well for reverse image searching to see if they are on other sites. I just found it today actually and believe it has other features as well. You have to pay, but it was worth it.
Yep. Social catfish is a great site. Found out I was falling for a stock photo! Strange days.
In my experience, it didn’t take that long for the L word to start flying around. Same with the money. Im curious where this person is from? I know a lot about Nigerian “romance scammers.
Yep that’s the only way to get the culprits, I’m was scammed by a Nigerian national.
Dispite my cautioness, I got tripped over, by the end of the day.
Don’t fall for it all and use your instincts to be alarmed by the end of the day before anything else that is not cosure!
Sounds like he’s moving slow to win your trust as he sell you a bs line saying I love you, hoping it will eventually make you believe in him while digging in your pocketbook paying his sorry ass for whack, unrealistic, selfish lies. Be careful with this one!
If he asks for money or favours run as fast as you can
Happy New yr, Yes Ma’am that’s a scammer be more careful about letting other’s people’s into your life & if they don’t have the same as you have don’t bother, save yourself the trouble it’s going to be a while before giving anybody your time you don’t get nothing back that’s a problem, people’s just out get what they can from you pls!! Be careful ask Our Father’s knows what best for us,
If he asked for money, it is a scam
If he asked for money, I take it as a scam. Some just wait longer.
This is definitely a scam. These scammers like to lay it on thick with the sweet words and then it quickly turns to request for money. I’ve unfortunately heard it all. Just beware…
Diane
All women deserve to be treated like a queen. HE is supposed to court you at HIS expense. If he is asking for money, say good by.
I’ve also noticed the following in addition to the above ….
1.They have these great pictures they look to good to be true ( they are fake / stolen)
2. They usually say they are from a city or town near where you live, but have limited knowledge about the area
If you ask them or they will do a quick cut and paste off Google
3. They are either doctors or engineers or some type of highly valued professional working over seas possibly for the UN
4. They message you late or early time due to time differences
5. They always have lost their wife tragically I’ve heard cancer , car accident , gas explosion
6. They are almost exclusively raising a daughter sometimes two between the ages of 12-16
They want you to believe they are well educated, in high well paying jobs, they are exceptionally good looking , they are appealing to your empathy in loosing a spouse and their philanthropic work , and the big awe raising a young daughter alone ! This is a common MO with sone slight differences but if these fit do your self a favor and delete ASAP they are scammers
Yes!! I’ve also found that these Engineers have tragically lost their wife 5 years ago in childbirth and some times the child died as well – double pity party LOL
I am still texting with this guy you mentioned in the child birth dying.
It has been 9 months texting to him now. He is overseas and broke. I have sent gift cards for food, wifi ect. Fake box of his life savings sent to me, but stuck in customs for taxes. Does this sound familiar to you??
OMG,Nadine, Run for the hills…delete, delete, delete, and block his access to you everywhere!
This is a scam honey.
Sounds just like who I was talking to it’s around same time my box got stuck in Japan customs maybe same guy although his daughter is in hospital Asiatic needs bill paid so can get medication he is in hospital to and needs his hospital fees paid before he leaves so he was asking for food and internet steam cards never ends I’d say no then he phones over and over again and hangs up then texts to talk
Scam! Why are you sending him money? Stop. He’s playing the sympathy card. Doesn’t he have family or friends he can borrow from? If the answer is no, that should have been a huge red flag. Run. Block. Stop.
Is his name Rainer Wilson. Was he stuck in Alaska and a gemologist on a diamond contract
That’s a definite scam! It’s called the “gift”. You are expected to pay all this money to “customs” to retrieve it.
It is a scam, quit wasting your precious time texting with anyone asking for money. Life is too short. Also a lot of the time they say they are in the military. I know a guy whose military pictures got stolen. There are so many fake Facebook profiles with his pictures.
That is exactly what happened to me when he started to ask me for money that’s when I knew he wanted me to pay because it was stuck in customs supposedly his watch cash and some other stuff he asked me for a lot of money I knew then I told him off in texting and then he never bothered me again he knew I was on to him and yes he was telling me that he loved me way too much that’s when I knew I thought how could you love me you don’t even know me
Hi, I just read ur thoughts on this. Although this guy pulled out the guns fast, I was on top of him right fr the get go. Everything u said I just went through. He fell in love with me, and fast. Didn’t mention money until last week. Wanted me to pose as his Fiancé, send money then he would pay me back… ya right! So I couldn’t get my say in there as he blocked me, which is hilarious bcuz he didn’t delete anything. These men should be ashamed of themselves for trying to use good women, such as myself and see how far they get with any woman. And this is why I stay single. So bfore Xmas, I’m deleting him. Hohohoho
Was his name Thomas Ted. Midkiff?
Precisely.
All of them have this same M.O.
In the military too, some of them.
We are onto them.
They try to get you through Words With Friends too.
Gah…..
If you happen to encounter them on Facebook, they IMMEDIATELY want you to move to What’sApp or Google or whatever, because oops! Something has gone wrong with their Facebook account.
Also, after they romance and groom you sufficiently, let the games begin…they will start asking for money. If you say no, they will try every approach possible to intimidate you. If you still refuse, they’ll often just flat out lose their temper.
I also noticed that their names are very formal and simple, using their last name as part of their screen name (ex: William Brown, Steven Adams……)
The 2 comments above, if you are getting friend requests on fb from these guys, click on their page. If it says all those things and there are no candid photo, no comments on their posts, you can pretty much bet it’s fake. I don’t even have to click on their profile anymore. I just know. But contrarily some romance scammers will do video calls, let you meet their “family and friends”. Be very careful.
I’d really like to know your take on NPD.
The NPD man/woman is more of a threat than these scammers. The NPD person can suck you dry of your self worth and your money. And they can do it for decades before you even know what’s happening.
My brother came to me after his last breakup and told me that he realized his ex had NPD after he had watched some videos and read some articles about it… and that he said EVERY woman that he knows has NPD and how is he supposed to date when every woman he knows has NPD?
Obviously, every woman doesn’t have NPD. We don’t talk about NPD here because it’s highly misdiagnosed on the internet and often used to attack people who aren’t NPD because so many of the signs of NPD are character traits that many healthy people have.
What I think is far more valuable is to determine whether a person’s consistent, long-term behaviors are something that you want in your life or not. If they’re not, you don’t need to diagnose them as NPD, you can decide that a man isn’t right for you, without labeling, judging, and objectifying him that way.
Matt great response to NPD never have so many people been misdiagnosed ! I’d also suggest if you find yourself repeatedly attracting people with true NPD you need to have a look at yourself because chances are you have some codependency traits . The connection between Narcissists and codependents is amazing they are magnets to each other ! Sometimes self reflection and personal understanding equips you better in avoiding the wrong people .
Habe gedacht Liebe meines Lebens kennengelernt zu haben und hatte eigentlich auch dieses schöne Gefühl.
Wenn ich aber alles lese was Sie so schreiben könnten Sie Recht haben.
Kenne ihn via Internet 1,5 Jahre habe sehr viel Geld für meine Verhältnisse gegeben.
Bin leider noch immer nicht 100% davon überzeugt dass er ein Betrüger ist.
Er ist christlich sagt er.
I disagree with one 3. The good ones do take time, need to make sure the woman is stable, and are slow to commit. Might seem like a scammer but will make you work for them and eventually do make you commit. They will eventually commit. I would never go over the year mark but if they are not ready to video for 5 months that is still okay but they are still learning about you and if you have a reason such as you are in court or still working on a divorce. They still to say they will meet soon. They should not say I love you if they are waiting.
what about the celebrity meet and greet scams I have heard of recently. Anyone had experience with those?
Yes I have on tiktok
I’ve had someone actually pretending to be a celebrity.. then wanting to meet me.. but first have to set up a meet and greet with his management team which was insanely costly… also… he didn’t even spell the actor’s last name right that he was pretending to be.. what a fraud..
They are always off shore engineer’s. Great jobs good pay but never have access to their account. I’ve run into 6 love boomers in a year and a half. As soon as they need a gift card I delete them. The ones I run into always have an accent ever though they claim to be from the states.
They always ask for giftcards,I’m from Holland and I have had 8 scammers and they’re all from Nigeria and said they were in military in Syria and Yemen, and from the USA Please be careful on the internet I learn from it that you can’t trust people on Instagram or Facebook.
Met one few years back. Love bombing then frustrated as I never learned “Facetime” or Skype. Met in person a few times at a remote destination and he’d take off, meeting a friend leaving me alone. I paid everything. ALWAYS asked for expensive things. If we made vacation plans had to be exactly when he wanted. Said he was in medicine and volunteered for weeks at a time “for poor people” but I haven’t heard or seen it since. Linkedin profile said differently. Eventually supposed to meet again but I told him would never see me again.
Hi really don’t know where to begin. He requested to be friends on fb months ago . In East coast me west . I did. it moved quickly to romance and pictures he sent i would not- personal. He goes on these volunteering camps ex military types where he volunteers. Texts all the time talking of us being together as a couple. Requests to send money gift cards one reason after the other emergencies never has money waiting to inherit family stuff . But needs money to do it . Hum me . The plan is that he’ll come in June after I sell my car and empty my house and we’ll go back to east coast to live . By than because now he has a job earning one to pay the interest owed. Long story and of course my help and we live happily ever after . When he texts he is always on zoom and goes back and worth between the sites. I’ve commented on his being too busy and he just continues on. One day we had texted and signed off and this call came through it was him on zoom i was so excited. He was on the screen and than blink off andvin a short while I noticed it had a lock on it . So I figured the call to me was a mistake abd of curse he played dumb and said yeah I noticed that too Humm. My friends showed me sites where he was looking for women to share time with. He is a widower he says and older but good looking and considers his loving the best. Ok . I ask this is his value on himself his dick.or tongue. Might turn the heat but I ask myself what am I doing. Cause I am so into this piece of that I find myself willing to take the chance cause yes despite it all I love him and want to be with him. I’m wondering what dilemma will take place or will it be a Cinderella story. And he’ll be my prince. I’m scared yes but it’s where my heart lays. I wish I could nail him down as bad thought about the social catfish. Com site whst do you think
This is a scam honey. Trust your instincts!
You need to block him and run! I understand that it’s where your heart lies being as I have been in your position. It hurts like hell. I am not going to sugar coat it because I know exactly what you are going through and how badly it is going to hurt. However it’s going to hurt more later down the line if you don’t end it now. Instead of paying Social Catfish for this run his pictures through Yandex. They were more helpful than anything else in mine. Just the fact that the pictures are on other sites is proof alone though. The names, email addresses and phone numbers can always change so those don’t help when doing checks on them.
I have a guy who says he’s a celebrity, got everything right. He fell in love with me after about a week. He asks for these steam cards occasionally, not actually money, I’m keeping an eye on that and only get the odd one here and there. I kind of fell in love with him too! I know he’s not who he says he is, but I fell in love with him, not who he said he was. But he seems so vulnerable, not in what he says but I can feel it. He’s asked me to marry him and he is really sweet. I can tell he’s younger than me though. It’s been going on for 2 months and to be fair, I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. If I say no and he doesn’t like it, then I’ll know for sure.
I would really like to try this.
I’m very unlucky with men.vi totally say all the wrong things.
One problem, I have no income & no bank account s or credit cards.
I’m a lost cause.. No luck or help with anything.
Will I receive a reply?
I had a scammer claiming to be military send me a photo of a fake military ID as proof and try to argue his way out of it even though he knew I had a military background. It was the funniest thing. When he finally admitted to lying he just came up with another story about being a merc and saying he’s military because people are more accepting of it but I was like dude, you’re just an idiot.
It also pays to focus your attention on theIr English. All it takes is one incorrect idiom, one slip in grammar or syntax, and boom! Especially when the rest of the writing is near-perfect. Or, the scammer might be upfront and say they’re not a native English speaker, but when they make their poetic declarations of love, they’re suddenly eloquent, and the words flow gracefully. See: cut and paste.
For great entertainment, 419eater.com is dedicated to goading the scammer into not only revealing themselves, but throwing temper tantrums because they didn’t get any money out of you. One guy had a Nigerian scammer believing his name was Traffic Cone (Dear Mr. Cone, I am in dire need of money for operation on my daughter…) another guy told his scammer that his name was the Rev. Vincent Price.
It certainly does..called there bluff on both occasions..both were followed with a barrage of name calling..and what a bad person l was..deleted them on both occasions and not bothered since
I met a scammer in nov last yr.started to declare his love for me right away.having lost my partner to cancer I fell for it.he got a lot of money out of me by saying he needed money for food lodgings and his two kids.steam cards and bitcoin currency sent to him.he promised to pay double bk.near a year in and I’m his only friend who understands him!lot of bs.I called his bluff and have said no since august.he changed his next of kin to my name to recieve is large on off payment from his work.been waiting to get this from April.he works off shore and needs money from me to get to Quebec to get this pay.he must be living of something.it caused a large row within my family.I even got a loan and sold my car.I’m a smart lady and I was sucked in as I was grieving.be very careful people.he can’t ring as his phone is always broke.I’ve learnt the hard way to the point I near done something silly to myself.I hate this person and wish them bad the rest of their damn life
Yes I have been love scammed by David Barners he says doctor for Un say he loves me always calls me sweetie or my name I have sent around or over 400000 he is shameless and his daughter is in hospital and needs her hospital bill paid so she can get medication he says he was attacked on his way here in Lennon from Syria now he also needs his hospital fees paid to leave hospital can’t leave with out plus he did send fake box of money stuck in last stop in Japan they already got about 60000 for all kinds of fees now want another 35000 he has no food on on on I have been scammed all I read I experienced his love bomb for six years I’m sick inside that I believe him so long I m finally ready to let go and kiss all that money good bye silly me I’m a widow and he said him too
Great topic.I agree with some of these comments. I’d like to add.
I’ve been on these apps for a while now and I’ve devised my own scammer radar. And so far it’s served me well – foreigners POSING as American men “OUT” themselves within 3 exchanges – because they do not understand the English language or how Americans communicate – most are using online translation sites, which do not take into account “tense” of the English language. Either you know it or you don’t and American men – even those who can’t spell – KNOW how to use tense.
(Past tense, current tense, future tense)
“I went. I’m going. I plan to go. I plan on going.”
I’ve never heard an American of either gender say or type, “I go store. I go cruise. I go Italy next week.” Yeah, OUTED.
Americans also use possessives in conversations – “My children. My family. Our family. My sister. My job.” Foreigners don’t use the possessive similarly. “I go work. I close with family. I see family tomorrow.” OUTED.
What I’ve done lately is call them out and let them know, that I know, they’re scammers. Since I did that, those who have multiple profiles have blocked me from every profile they’ve created. Even profiles not previously encountered. So when someone new is presented, and I click, I see that I’m blocked by that person. That’s my scammer! Because why would someone I’ve never met or never seen, know to block me? Since doing that, I’ve experienced more success meeting actual, real, local people.
Amazing work, good for you!
Most of the scammers have two first names. Like Dennis George, Allen Harry, Joseph Bruce, Bary West, Larry John, John Kent, Rufus Lawrence, Robert Abrams, John Francis and so on! It must be the foreigners don’t know how to make up a last name. He he!
Been there so true but i would never give money i said how can you love so fast…
Yes got caught gave 10,500 dollars to 2 scammers 1 scam was a Nigerian romances scam the pics stillborn used on the internet alex beckwith collins lost his identity the Nigerian romance scammers still using his pics he was an engineer off a rig in norway he has 2 sons but the scam said he had a daughter called ruth 15 years old scammers name moses hudson from lake buchcanan texas fake also a guy he lives In Cleveland Ohio name Darin Walker and son Owen he threatened me he was going to come kill me because I wouldn’t give more money we have to be alot more smarter send no money soon as they ask and keep talking about trust building you up about trusting them red flag get rid of them Facebook shuts them down but they start up again with a new account so facebook can’t get rid of them sadly I learnt a big lesson
I am interested to hear any story if how you have been scammed in my effort to educate others. I have learned the hard way investing in bullishforex.uk. I filed a grievance with scam finders com. They want $185. Thru bitcoins to set up the scammer. Of course they could be scammers. My lesson learned us trust no one social media unless you personally know them.
I find this site to be of value to know how we fail for scams and imposters.
Two different scammers, both posing as military men, the first sent picture of his military ID card and would call me on Skype. Would talk to me for an hour before settling down for the night, almost every day. Then, about 6 months in, the talking of money began, asking could i send his mom money to buy his daughter shoes or something simple. Never more than $20 or so, then the “i want to retire, babe” scam began. I need to pay all these ridiculous amounts for paperwork to get out of service. At first, i fell for it, about $1500 in, i realized that he was a scammer. I mean i would actually get skype calls from kids with grandma in the background. His name was Robert Tindall, and he knew how to play the scammer game so well.
Second one, also all pics in military uniform, out in the field for military exercises. This one was what you call a “long term” scammer, he took his time over 4 years, getting to know me, then again the same scam began. I’m ready to retire, i need your help, i had fallen hard over the years but realized he was a no good scammer. His name was Alexander Morales
Both these gentlemen requested money to be sent via western union and gift cards. HARD LESSON LEARNED, you can’t believe everything you see on Skype, either.