This is probably the most common problem that dating coaches run into – trying to help women see that having sex is not a way to legitimize or escalate the relationship.
And believe it or not, it’s never as simple as saying, “Girls stop sleeping with these guys that are just going to break your heart.”
Seems like common sense, but it’s actually difficult to explain when it is the right time for sex. Every woman’s life is different. Depending on her mindset, depending on the guy, the timeline for when sex should happen is difficult to pinpoint.
Some people say that third date sex is reasonable. Some say that a woman should never have sex with a guy unless they’re engaged to be married or already married, especially in some conservative cultures.
On the other hand, some believe that sex is not a big deal. If a woman feels an attraction, she should just sleep with him. Slut-shaming, as they call it, is mostly an outdated concept these days, especially since it’s been proven there’s a double standard with men, compared to women.
But for this exercise, we’re going to discuss some reasons why having sex too soon might be a bad idea. Not in the sense of sex is bad, beware! Of course not. More along the lines of, “Having sex too soon changes the dynamics of the relationship…and yes, it can doom a good relationship.”
Let’s discuss at least four reasons why avoiding sex IS a good idea, regardless of how liberal or conservative you might be.
1. Having sex too soon tells the guy that this is the climax of the relationship.
If you don’t actually connect emotionally and “soulfully”, then to the guy, that only leaves one thing left: sex! He thinks it’s a compliment and sure, it is. He’s attracted to you. He figures sex isn’t a big deal. And he figures you might want the same thing. If he’s not feeling the attraction, you can’t really blame him for not wanting to pursue the relationship. Of course he still wants sex, not because he’s a pig, but he thinks that sex is the climax of the relationship.
That’s why you have to spend time letting him get to know you. Focus on creating a strong emotional connection. That way, he learns that there is a different climax, a different end to this relationship, that’s beyond sex. It’s love, it’s marriage, it’s living together, and a family. In order to feel that strongly towards you, it can’t just be about sex. Sex is a distraction, a false ending, that will interfere with his ability to see you as a soul mate, a lover, a friend, and wife. This is why sex takes time. Because sex is not a reward for a man playing his cards right, not if you want to fall in love. Sex comes after the two of you have fallen for each other, deeply and emotionally. That’s the kind of bond you can’t easily walk away from.
2. Avoiding sex actually reveals his true intentions.
If you don’t have sex with him in the beginning, then he will quickly realize you are not a one-night stand or friends with benefits material. His investment in you has to be real, serious, and deeply emotional. This is great because this will either (A) make him see you in a different light, or (B) will chase him away and look for cheaper sex somewhere else, if that’s all he’s interested in.
Making him wait reveals his true colors, showing if he’s actually interested in YOU as a person or just the availability of a warm body – a date he could find with anyone. You might be surprised at how some men lose interest in you as soon as they discover you’re not going to be played. It’s all the more reason to make him wait, because a guy that really does like you WILL wait for you.
No question about it. Don’t fall for anyone who threatens you or tries to persuade you to break the no-sex-too-soon rule. It’s all a deception. A real man will wait for you because he knows your first time, as a couple deeply in love, will be worth the wait.
That brings us to the next point…
3. Sex is actually much better if you do wait, rather than hopping into bed for D-level sex.
Yes, there is actually such a thing as A-level sex, B, C, and D. Probably F too! A-level sex is great, the best sex of your life. The kind you remember forever and hope to have again, as often as possible. C and D-level sex is forgettable. Disappointing. Average. Sadly, one night stands and FWB situations are usually C and D level sex. Why?
Because when you rush into it, there is no thrill of anticipation. There is not much flirting. Very little emotional foreplay. And frankly, you don’t even know each other very well so the sex isn’t very fantasy-oriented. It isn’t personal. It’s not intense because it’s all lust, all mechanical. But where’s the emotional connection? Where is the taboo of turning a good friend into a hot lover?
Waiting actually makes sex better!
4. Because far too often society determines that it’s time to have sex – but it’s YOUR CHOICE!
It’s remarkable how society seems to program this notion into our heads, suggesting that women owe men sex after a certain number of dates. After all, you’ve been dating a year! Or he’s bought you so many fancy dinners! He’s done everything for you. You owe him sex!
No, no one ever says that out loud, but that seems to be the recurring theme everywhere we look. We have a sex-obsessed culture in North America and everyone acts like sexual urges are uncontrollable. You probably can’t resist sex after the third date so just assume you’re both going to do it.
What kind of message is that? The truth is there is NO set date on when sex ought to happen. You’re the one who makes that choice and it’s best that you do so only when you feel comfortable and feel emotionally and physically ready for the experience. After all, you don’t want to have any regrets. You want to take precautions and either use condoms or get tested. And lastly, you want to have sex because you’re ready to enjoy it fully – not because everyone is telling you to do it, or he’s pressuring you to do it, or you’re trying to keep him interested in you.
Sex is only enjoyable if it’s something you want…and a man who is falling in love with you WILL feel the same way.
In conclusion, the point is to not use sex as a Secret Weapon that’s going to save or explode the relationship into a love pyre (thanks Jim Morrison). Instead, sex is a benefit that comes with an intimate relationship. You’re both already at the point where there’s trust, intimacy, and a great deal of love. He’s not just trying to get sex from you because you’ve both grown past that. Now he’s in love, he’s fallen for you, so regardless of how great your sex life is, or even if it needs improvement, he is there with you to make this relationship work.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
