I often get asked this question by men and women of all ages. And it seems like an easy question at first glance, especially for a dating coach, right?
Love versus infatuation. A crush versus true love.
It seems like this is a question we ask when we’re twelve years old and it’s a question that’s answered quickly. Maybe a little too quickly.
“A crush is physical, just lust and attraction. True love is forever, it’s based on getting to know a person and admiring who they really are inside.”
And that seems like a good answer, especially when you’re twelve years old!
But as you get older you realize love has got to be more complicated than that.
Infatuation FEELS like love, no matter how old you are. How many stories have we read about people who “fell in love” with a person’s physical appearance at first sight and remained faithful to them to the very end? Salvador Dali and Michael Caine come to mind if you want to do some incidental back reading.
On the other hand, you can love a person who is BAD for you, who is an emotional trainwreck and fall headfirst into a dysfunctional relationship for years on end.
It’s NOT infatuation. It is a form of love or obsession, but it’s far from the true love you always read about in fairy tales, isn’t it?
What is Crushing?
Here’s something that’s simple and obvious. A crush IS a temporary feeling. You can feel lust or a “crush” just looking at a cute guy walking in the mall. The image of him, that smile he gives you, might last for hours, even days. It doesn’t mean it’s love or obsession.
The reason being, you can forget him over time. He’s attractive…when he talks to you, maybe your heart pounds and you feel butterflies in your stomach.
But if you don’t pursue it and he doesn’t pursue it, he is forgotten. Crushes are like that. They are not emotional at all, but purely sexual or physical. Some people might even have crushes on the same sex, and yet not be bisexual or gay. That’s how capricious crushing on someone feels.
What is Falling in Love?
Now falling in love often STARTS as infatuation but quickly becomes a matter of the heart. You are now emotionally involved with the other person, probably because you’ve interacted with him and have come to know him personally, intellectually and perhaps even physically.
Falling in love with a person does NOT mean that this is true love. Rather, you have made the decision to love someone and so your “crush” has progressed into a full-blown romance. If he reciprocates, the physical relationship will soon begin. As you come to know each other, love develops.
As you discover new relationships you will start to recognize differences between come and go crushes and falling in love. Here are 10 differences you will notice immediately.
1. Crushes are voluntary. You can forget someone you lust. When you fall in love, it will not feel like a choice. It will feel involuntary, like a need, or a compulsion you cannot avoid.
2. Infatuation is purely limited to sex and how it affects your ego. Love is all about the bonding of personalities, of souls, of the “inner self” you rarely show to other people.
3. Crushes are usually far-fetched fantasies, many of which are impossible or highly unlikely in the real world. Love is definitely “real” and something you could have if you work for it and want it enough.
4. You can crush on ten guys at a time. It’s very difficult to love more than one guy at a time and probably impossible to love two or three guys equally. You always tend to love one more than the other because you give the one you love all your time and effort.
5. Your crush tends to make you nervous and anxious. The one you love actually makes you feel relaxed because you are on the same wavelength, and you are similar in the way you communicate.
6. Crushes, and the fantasies that go along with them are a little too perfect. Love is imperfect but it remains strong and consistent, even in the real world, and even after disappointment.
7. When you crush on someone you see what YOU want to see in them, the image of them, so to speak. When you’re in love, you see the actual person, you observe them, get to know them, and learn them. That’s why you fall in love.
8. You can grow to love a person you’re not attracted to. Crushes are all about attraction and temporary attraction at that. Love is so powerful it can be beyond physical attraction.
9. Crushes quickly disappear as soon as you learn ONE THING that goes against the fantasy you’ve created in your mind. Love grows stronger, regardless of the unexpected.
10. And lastly, crushes have a much shorter life than falling in love. Crush on dozens of guys all year…but truly love maybe a few for every lifetime.
What is True Love?
Now remember as we talked about, falling in love does not mean this is your one true love. That’s an altogether different subject because true love is based on the POSITIVE feelings that a partner gives you. When you are truly happy and your partner allows you to find that happiness, that’s true love.
Trying to love someone that only makes you anxious and miserable is far from true love – even though you choose to fall in love with that person. That’s why it’s important to love yourself and LEARN yourself before you go about trying to create a loving relationship. Real love thrives when you know what you want in a mate and have figured out what you need to be happy – alone and with a partner.
As you continue to read our blog weekly, please look for an upcoming article continuing this discussion, about ways to tell obsession from true love.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
