Men might “pull away” for a variety of reasons. But his motivation remains the same. He isn’t happy and so he takes a step back from the intimacy or attraction that he felt.
Why do men pull away? What are some of the most common reasons? What might the “real reason” be? Most importantly, if you sense that a guy you like is pulling away, what can you do to put him at ease and get him interested again?
Why Men Pull Away
Let’s start by discussing some of the most common reasons why men back away and then we’ll consider the “real” reasons, which sort of summarizes all of these secondary reasons and provides a better explanation.
1. He’s busy or preoccupied with something going on in his life.
This does sometimes happen. Men may be stressed about work, family problems, or in short, everything else but dating. If you notice he seems distracted, not necessarily unfriendly, this could be the issue.
2. He feels shy about more aggressively pursuing you – maybe he thinks you’re unavailable.
If he thinks you have a boyfriend or for some other reason considers the relationship inappropriate, it’s quite possible he might be trying to distance himself because it’s the right thing to do.
3. He feels shy or intimidated by you.
Sometimes guys do back away from someone they like if he’s intimidated by your confidence, beauty, presence, whatever. But then again, most guys do make the effort to approach you so this is one of the least likely scenarios.
4. He feels he’s not ready to get serious.
He might sense that you are interested in a committed relationship and figure that’s not what he wants. He doesn’t want to give you that impression.
5. You made it seem too easy.
If you flirt with him so heavily, or shall we say so “shamelessly”, he might sense that there’s no real challenge in dating you. You’re one night stand material in his mind…and if he’s not into one night stands, (or more to the point, not sleeping around and breaking hearts, which is a good thing) then he doesn’t want to lead you on.
6. He can’t deal with his strong feelings for you.
He might actually be strongly attracted to you, maybe even falling for you – and that’s what scares him. He can’t quite figure out how to react to you so he’s keeping a safe distance for now.
7. He’s afraid of getting hurt.
Some guys back away as soon as they develop feelings for a woman because he doesn’t want to get hurt – the same way he was in a previous relationship. This might indicate he’s rebounding, or that he still has some emotional scars to deal with. He is distant because he’s afraid of being vulnerable.
8. He’s just not that interested in you.
It is possible that he’s just not that into you and is sending strong signals that you shouldn’t pursue him.
9. He has another girlfriend(s) or prospects.
If he’s dating someone else or interested in someone else then he might not be making you a priority. This might be because he met someone else recently or he’s been dating them all along. This doesn’t mean he’s a player…it’s just bad timing to get serious about a relationship.
10. He’s manipulating you on purpose.
On the other hand, some guys are just players and that’s what they do. They intentionally play hot and cold just to toy with your curiosity. If he seems extremely warm and receptive one day and then rude and cool the next time you see him, and the same pattern continues, it’s a sure bet that he’s jerking you around. (Or maybe he’s just nuts!)
The REAL Reason Why He’s Pulling Away
Now that we’ve considered some of the most common reasons why guys pull away and then come back, let’s discuss the “real reasons” that are linked with his true motivations.
1. He doesn’t associate you with positive, exciting things anymore.
The main reason guys distance themselves from women, specific issues aside for now, is because they are no longer associating the relationship with a positive mindset. Something happened and cooled his enthusiasm. It’s up to you to identify these moments where something changed and then analyze what might have upset him. Maybe there were too many negative conversations about commitment and he felt smothered. In that case, it’s time to back away a little bit and let him regain his footing.
2. He can feel himself changing for you and he doesn’t like the feeling at all.
If a man is falling hard for you (or even if he’s not and is just going through the motions because he “thinks” it’s what he wants) but doesn’t like the person he’s becoming, he will react defensively. He feels his life changing and may show signs of panic, grief, or even anger and frustration. The way to stop this dilemma is to let him go back to his true self, assuring him that you don’t want him to change and his life doesn’t have to go down the path he’s dreading.
3. You gave him too much too soon.
Finally, the most common reason why guys back away is because they’re overwhelmed with the information you’ve given them. Too much strong emotion, too much sharing, too many personal conversations too soon – these can be intimidating to a man who wants to take things slow. He wants to sense that you have control over your emotions and that you have the self-confidence to mirror his energy and not jump ahead.
As you can see the most common excuses are related to the basic reason why he’s backing away – because of negative associations. If you want him to stay interested in you, you must consistently give him a reason to come back. Give him positive reinforcement that matches the effort that he puts forth in paying attention to you.
Men pull away because they’re not getting what they need from you. They want you to be their source of positive feelings, flirty, joyful and happy to see them. If you maintain that kind of disposition he will always take a step forward, not back.
Related Reading
- 7 Silent Reasons He’s Pulling Away (And How to Flip It Without Chasing)
- 6 Dating Mistakes That Make A Man Pull Away And What To Do Instead
- Why He Pulls Away When Things Get Real
- Why The Men You Date Disappear
When He Pulls Away
If he has been pulling back, there is usually one quiet reason underneath it.
And most women respond in a way that accidentally pushes him further away.
I made a short video that explains why men pull away, and what to say to bring him back.
Well said,but what if he wronged you before pulling back???I wanna know please.