When Your Husband Doesn’t Love You Anymore

We work so hard for love. We fight for it. We suffer for it. We endure it and press on, all for love. Maybe you personally have overcome major issues in your life all in the hopes of falling in love.

So isn’t it a punch right to the heart when your husband doesn’t love you anymore? It feels like the end of the world or like the end of your life.

Maybe he told you straight out that he doesn’t love you anymore. Or maybe you can see the signs that he doesn’t love you – at least not the way he used to back in the day.

Of course, now you need time to grieve and process what you feel. It’s true, a man saying or showing “I don’t love you” is a milestone and it might be one that you can never come back from, not fully.

But what I’m going to do is talk about the two options you have in front of you, that will determine your future happiness …as well as what is definitely NOT an option. Let’s start by discussing the signs that your husband isn’t in love with you anymore, provided that he hasn’t explicitly told you so.

1. He doesn’t try to communicate anymore. There is no bonding, no vulnerability. It’s clear that he doesn’t trust you enough to tell you what’s going on.
2. No sex or intimacy – in fact he only seems interested in other women.
3. He doesn’t ever seem happy anymore, not even for a few minutes a day. He treats you like a constant source of his stress.
4. He never says he loves you or shows any evidence of it, such as doing things for you or buying you gifts, or doing anything kind.
5. He doesn’t talk to you anymore. He avoids conversation, except for errands. Even mundane discussions erupt into arguments.
6. He finds every excuse he can NOT to spend time with you. He frequently leaves the house or avoids doing things with you.
7. His daily patterns have drastically changed. What used to make him happy no longer works.
8. You make all the sacrifices in the relationships. He never seems to compromise or work for your approval, not even a little bit.
9. He always blames you for conflict and refuses to take any responsibility for his own shortcomings.
10. Anything romantic or sexual seems to make him nervous, or clam up, or angry – nothing positive ever comes from loving behavior.

Is It Really the End?

There’s no easy answer to whether or not this is “for real” or if the marriage can be saved. Some people believe that once a partner tells you “I’m not in love with you” or even worse “I’ve never loved you”, it’s a line that shouldn’t be crossed. If your partner has gradually become abusive over the years, this is also a sign that the relationship cannot be saved.

Some couples, however, HAVE actually worked through difficult periods of conflict and resentment. These relationships are not abusive in nature but usually happen because both partners start to take each other for granted.

The real question is whether you and your partner are willing to work on the issues that create conflict or inhibit love. You both have to learn to compromise. You both have to learn what communication problems exist and then resolve to alter the attitudes and behavior that cause these rifts.

If even one of you is unwilling to take these steps, the marriage can’t be saved. The most important element in saving a marriage is the willingness to try.

How Can It Be Saved?

What’s the secret of those relationships that go through hell, maybe even break apart for a while, but then end happily ever after in the end? Is it just their intense love for each other? Definitely not…there are probably many out there who still love their ex, but can’t live with that person.

The secret is that these couples have decided to create a NEW relationship, one with new rules, new patterns, new codes of conduct, and new attractions.

This is common sense because if you think about it, once a relationship ends and you break up, it’s extremely difficult to go back to the way things were. Many couples try it but it rarely ever works. What usually happens is that one partner abuses the other or they both fall back into the same toxic patterns as before…and the second break up is even more heartbreaking than the first!

The real solution is in examining why the relationship doesn’t work and why – and then making steps to redefine the relationship. Get rid of that old dynamic that has been proven to fail. Don’t delude yourselves into thinking that you can save an old relationship that’s run its course. The only way it ever works is if both of you are willing to change – specifically, change the attitudes that bring about the same conflict and stress.

If you can identify what doesn’t work, but focus more on attitudes that DO work, and the wonderful compatibility you both feel, then that’s the key to recreating a lasting relationship.

What If It Can’t Be Saved? How Can I Ever Be Happy?

More often than not, divorces are final – because one or both partners are unwilling to change. You could go literally mad waiting on a partner to change or “live up to his potential.” Potential is nothing in a relationship. What matters is the now, whether you love him now and whether or not he respects you now.

If the answer is clearly no, then you must end the relationship and mean it in order to find real happiness. The fact that the relationship ended doesn’t mean it was all for nothing. You learned something from him. You learned something about yourself. You learned what you like, what you love and what you need. You also learned what you cannot live with and the qualities that matter the most. Now, you’re better equipped to find the true love of your life. Don’t give up…love is always possible!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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