Maybe it’s because men are so sensitive that they do have a “wall up” when it comes to sharing their feelings, being honest about what they want, and yes, even when it comes to thinking about you as a partner and not just a lover.
We often hear in dating that men JUST want sex in the beginning. While I’m sure you could argue that statement, it’s probably a generalization that’s fairly observable…at least for most men.
Men want sex because it’s in their nature. They want to chase, they want to charm, and they want to make love. They want to be perceived as attractive and successful. Some even want a family. The fact that they instinctively want more women instead of just one woman may very well be a matter of genetics and evolution. Men want to ensure their survival, so they’re programmed to spread their “seed” to more partners, so that they create a bloodline, they ensure their progeny. That’s one theory anyway.
Now women want something similar except with one major difference: by nature, by instinct, they can’t afford to sleep with any and every man that approaches them, which is obviously a lot because men want to increase “quantity” to get results. Women have to hold out for someone special, someone who will improve their life, improve their “genetic pool” if they choose to have children, and just make their lives better overall.
Women are attracted to strong men, smart men, rich men, creative men, passionate men, honest men, men with social skills, funny guys, skilled men, and so on. All of these men have special qualities that elevate them above “average”.
In simple words, women don’t need “convenient”. Women want someone special. And a man who’s looking for someone special and amazing, will LOVE the challenge. He’ll love the chase. He’ll be honored to have a friendship and relationship with you.
Here’s the point: men that just want sex (and yeah there’s a lot of them!) will usually NOT want a woman to open up emotionally. Sure, he wants her to FEEL something, he wants her to TALK, he wants her to FLIRT and COMMUNICATE.
He may even ask sneaky questions designed to make you talk more and feel close to him.
But does he want to get to know her on a personal level? No, not if he’s just looking for sex. It’s too much trouble.
I know there are exceptions to every rule but for the most part, a man who just wants sex will NOT invest a lot of time getting to know you. He doesn’t want to fall in love. He doesn’t want to feel guilty, realizing that you want a serious relationship and he just wants a one night stand. He doesn’t want you to open up just like he doesn’t want to open up to you. That requires trust, maturity and caring. Scary words to a lifetime bachelor!
I do believe most men will GIVE UP on you, once they sense that you are not going to be an easy booty call and you are not going to just give them sex without developing a relationship first.
(Now I know there are narcissistic and sociopathic guys out there who are dangerous exceptions to the rule, but that’s another issue altogether…that’s a whole book’s worth of discussion!)
The question is “How do you know when a guy is ready for a relationship and actually wants you to open up to him and start sharing? For real, not just as a seduction thing or game playing…how do you know for real?
Here are four signs to look for…
1. He listens to you and actually remembers information.
A lot of guys can fake interest, but a man who really values you as a unique person will pay closer attention to everything you say. He will want to problem solve, share viewpoints, want more details and talk about all aspects of your life.
A man who’s not that interested in emotional connection will hardly ever remember details even if you tell him. He probably won’t even remember to ASK about important things like your job, family, and so on. So listening, and really listening not just waiting idly, is a good sign.
2. Before he shares, he is nervous and or hesitant.
Easy way to catch a liar and manipulative guy? If he’s perfectly smooth and charming when he’s “sharing with you.” It’s like a scene right out of a Hollywood flick. It’s rehearsed.
A man who appreciates you will actually show signs of discomfort right before he shares his “honest, true self.” He may be nervous, stammering or rambling…or he may be hesitant to confess what he really feels. This shows you’re getting to him, he’s actually connecting with you. He loves it and yet he fears the new intimacy between you. What if he gets hurt? What if he gets rejected or laughed at? This shows true vulnerability.
3. He shares “secrets” from his past or from his present life.
This is always telling because these are precious memories from his past, straight out of his heart. He’s bonding with you by being honest and sharing these secrets, whether they’re good or bad. They may be his flaws, his greatest achievements, or even memories from his childhood that he still thinks about. All of this desire to share shows that he’s becoming comfortable with you and cares about you enough to protect this “secret”.
4. He talks about his old relationships.
A mystery man doesn’t talk about his past. His sole purpose is to project mystery and enjoy the seduction. But a man who’s falling for you? Don’t be surprised if he starts venting about some of his old relationships.
Why would he do this? Aren’t guys supposed to avoid talking about their ex? Not necessarily. Sometimes guys like to talk about past relationships because they’re reflecting on what went wrong and what they actually learned from the experiences. This is actually a very positive sign. He wants to deepen the bond you have together. He wants to calm your fears and admit his flaws and his better qualities. He wants to own up to mistakes in the old relationship and wipe the slate clean in this one.
All of these signs point to this man’s maturity and willingness to be open. He may be taking “baby steps” when it comes to commitment, but it’s a milestone you should be proud to see. Keep the relationship going and you’re going to see amazing things from this guy.
The secret to getting his love and commitment
Getting into the relationship you want can be hard…
Especially if it seems like most of the men you meet just want sex and nothing more.
Yet over 2 million women get married each year in the USA alone…
So what are they doing that you’re not to inspire these men to commit to them?
What if you had the power to make the man you love suddenly wake up and start working hard to get YOU to commit to HIM?
I know that may sound like a fantasy…
But it’s not.
I’ve been teaching in the dating and relationship space for over 11 years.
And I’ve helped women meet Mr. Right, get married, fix their relationships, and a whole lot more.
Because of the successes of other women, I’ve compiled exactly what you need to do to go from where you are to happily in whatever type of relationship you want.
Let me ask you a question…
What’s the #1 most important thing that you can do to go from meeting a man to commitment or even marriage?
The answer could completely change your life.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. The internet has made the dating world even more competitive because of how many women are now eagerly available to men.
Learn the secrets that will make a man drive your relationship forward and have an unfair advantage over all the other women out there.
Very enlightening content. Thank you. I’m learning a great deal.
Matt,
As iread these articles on dating and relationships, I feel inspired to put myself out there. However, do the same rules apply when you are 60?
After 3+ years of being in a LDR, my fiance is finally opening up to me. Hes military, so we dont talk everyday. But when he is faced with challenges, he opens up to me, (he doesnt really tell me details of what he is going through) just that he is not happy, he asks questions, he inquire in my thoughts and advice. Is this normal? Matthew you are great at what you do, the best. I am wondering is this normal for a man to wait so long (3+ years) to open up in the relationship?
I gave up looking for my true love. It’s not going to happen.
Your beliefs create your reality, choose wisely!
I have given up on finding someone to spend my life with. Every time I think I found someone who wants to be with me ends up using me and leaving me for someone else. I have started to shutdown my feelings towards men and see them as someone to talk to occasionally and possibly have a sexual benefit with but I don’t look past that because there’s nothing there but pain. I have realized that I will always be alone.
Your beliefs create your reality, choose wisely!
As I was going through my emails, I came across this topic “4 Signs he wants you to open up to him.” This very thing is going on with me now. I get ALL the 4 signs. He’s telling me that I’m changing him and making him a better man. Even wants to marry me. He tells me that he wants my heart and hints at me to open up to him more. He tells me everything, but I be so afraid to open up to him. I’m doing a little better, but I wish it would just run smooth for me to open up more and I don’t know how to.
I’m 65 and look like 50.. attractive and successful. I’m attracted to younger men, however when age comes up I totally blow them away.. kind of sad.
Yeah, I had a guy like that on a three-year relationship. But when i’ve pinched on that ‘commitment phobia’ button, he’s gone 🙂