It seems as if two sex partners are always trying to do the exact opposite of each other during lovemaking: the guy focuses on the woman’s pleasure and she focuses on his pleasure. The end result is that sex does sometimes become awkward.
Men don’t know what women want. Women aren’t sure what men want. The exaggerated and cartoony sex scenes we see in movies and porn aren’t exactly helping the situation either!
This is why I often suggest maybe couples should try doing the opposite sometimes—stop focusing exclusively on pleasuring each other and focus more on receiving pleasure.
I know it’s a taboo to say that you’re “selfish” in bed. No one wants to be known as a selfish lover—i.e. a person who climaxes and doesn’t even care about his or her partner. But that’s not what receiving pleasure is all about.
Receiving pleasure means that although you will please your partner later on, RIGHT NOW you are focusing on getting pleasure. You want to feel good, you want to orgasm, and you want to give your partner the joy of pleasing you. When your “turn” is finished, you will do the same to him and the focus will be his pleasure. This method encourages both partners to stop worrying so much about “mutual pleasure” and instead focus on getting the FULL experience of their partner’s lovemaking.
So the next time you’re in bed with your boyfriend, and if you really want him to think, “Wow she’s the best I’ve ever had!”, then make it your focus to not just let him please you, but to spend some time making his fantasies come true. Here are seven secrets to having great sex from a man’s perspective.
1. A Visual Delight
Men are visual creatures and so the more you stimulate their senses in bed, the better. Men love to gawk at lingerie, full in-the-light nudity, they love watching you in a variety of sexual positions. Men even love the idea of watching a woman masturbate for her own pleasure.
All that’s really required is that you not be shy or unwilling to let him see you, but be enthusiastic about giving him pleasure. In this case, seeing your naked body and being confident in yourself and comfortable in his presence is exactly what turns him on.
Insecurity and shyness is more of a turn off than anything else!
2. Intense Eye Contact
While it’s true that men love doggy style and reverse cowgirl and all those wild positions, the truth is the closer he gets to climax the more he wants to see your face, particularly tight and intense eye contact. Not only does this show your undivided attention, but it also boosts the feeling of intimacy and emotional connection.
3. Excellent Communication
Let’s face it, sex can be an awkward especially if both partners are feeling self-conscious. This is why fine communicators are always much appreciated between the sheets. The secret to sex communication is to keep it POSITIVE and to keep it simple. A man obviously doesn’t want to be criticized if he’s doing something wrong. A better idea is to guide him into doing something you DO want, either by direct statement, question, or even physically pushing or pulling him towards the right spot.
In addition to guidance, be sure to give him enthusiastic feedback too. Keep it sexy by dirty talking, moaning when you feel the urge, and breathing faster as you speak. These are all cues he wants to hear so that he can keep up the pace.
4. Compliments Galore
Men always welcome compliments! Let’s face is, during sex we are very vulnerable. Everyone’s a little self-conscious about their body (assuming you’re not an action hero that makes 20 million per movie!) and so everyone needs that little boost of self-esteem. Compliment everything about your boyfriend—his technique, his body, his face, his voice, butt, penis, you name it, he wants to hear it!
Remember too there’s no need to make everything about “bigger”, especially if he’s average-sized or below average. Sometimes just saying that a man is hard, or that his penis is “beautiful” or “yummy” is enough. There’s no need exaggerate…just keep it simple.
5. An Open Mind
One of the ways a man knows if he’s met the BEST (in terms of sex and a lusty partner) is if she’s open-minded and loves to EXPLORE sexuality—his and hers. Deep down a man loves the idea of a woman who’s open to (almost) anything and who loves to experience something new and kinky.
It’s not always a matter of doing “everything” (especially if it bothers you). But the real joy is in sharing fantasies and opening up emotionally so that you can be honest about what turns you on and what turns him on. Since this is for his pleasure, encourage him to describe his fantasies and then do a little “roleplay” to give him some of his hottest scenarios.
6. A Craving Satisfied
Funny thing about men is that even when they’re focusing on receiving pleasure, they’re still thinking about your orgasm. The very idea of a woman orgasming gives a guy pleasure. That’s why the idea of “good sex” to a man always involves his ability to drive a woman wild and give her the best orgasm she’s ever had.
Stroking his ego, as well as his body, gives him the most pleasure. Don’t just tell him you’re loving the encounter…let him think he’s the best you’ve ever had. You can do this in more subtle ways for a better effect, with your feedback, your enthusiasm, and your willingness to initiate sex. Let him think his smoldering sex pheromones are the reason you’re in the mood. Don’t be shy…attack him in wonderful ways!
7. An Afterglow Encore
Last but not least, don’t forget the afterglow. Men do like to cuddle after sex and most of all, they like to revel in the scene after it’s over. They like to touch, hold, hug and fondle you. Rather than talk too soon about feelings, just express joy and excitement over the experience you shared. He wants to know that you were as wowed by the affair as he was. You don’t know quite what this relationship is…but you want to explore it further!
Keep him happy in bed and he will forget about all temptation. A man desires good sex, not a myriad episodes of bad sex!
Intimate Touch Techniques All Wives Should Know
One of my hallmarks is providing helpful, intimate advice and tips that are not crude, raunchy or damaging to relationships.
To help out husbands and wives, my friend Michael Webb has created a very thorough guide for women to learn how to caress their man in ways that will intoxicate him and bring the biggest grins to their faces.
Your friend and coach,
P.S. If you are a guy who wishes his wife would be more skilled in this area, be sure to share this resource with her.