Ignore the trolls!
One of the most often repeated bits of advice you get for dealing with trolls is to ignore them. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Trolls are usually narcissists, speaking NOT of the “troll” that you disagree with politically, but the troll that bullies you, stalks you, and just seems to enjoy fighting all the time. Ignore the troll and they go away to harass someone else, someone who rises to the bait.
There’s just one problem with that. Narcissists with power over you are not very easy to ignore.
A random narcissist you’re never going to see again, sure, you can ignore the guy. No big deal.
But ignoring your narcissistic ex, or a boss, or part of your extended family, it’s much easier said than done.
The reason being, that a true narcissist is a master of manipulation. He (or she) knows just what to do to get a rise out of you. The narcissist knows just what to do to force you to react, whether positively or negatively.
The explanation for this is simple. A narcissist thrives off you paying attention to him because his biggest fear is that no one cares what he has to say.
So if you ignore him, what’s usually his first reaction? To ignore you and to insult you. If everyone believes the insult, it’s your reputation on the line. You HAVE to respond.
And so the narcissist wins. You become locked in confrontation. You’re not in love with the narcissist. Or, let’s say you’re not friends with the narcissist. But he still manages to control you, doesn’t he? Whenever he decides to act, you react. He wins.
How to Deflect a Narcissist: Passive Resistance
Instead of thinking of it in terms of “ignoring the troll” then, instead let’s talk about how to deflect the attack from a narcissist. Ignore him in such a way that he eventually stops engaging you, which is what you want.
Narcissists thrive on energy so your goal is to stop giving him the ENGAGEMENT that he craves. This means that instead of giving him drama, which fuels him, and instead of giving him the high emotion that he enjoys, you simply STOP.
You stop being interesting, stop being emotionally involved, and stop finding HIM so interesting. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you shun him…
After all, it’s hard to completely shun someone you have to work with or associate with for family engagements. But the point is that if you stop being so interesting to the narcissist, he will start to look elsewhere for stimulation.
That is what you want! For him to leave you alone and to go wage his weirdo, narcissistic troll battle with someone. Sound good?
So let’s discuss what people usually get wrong about “ignoring narcissists” and how to do it the right way.
Steps to Ending a Relationship with a Narcissist
- Stop assuming he can change.
Narcissists have something called “cognitive empathy”, which means they can understand your emotional needs, without actually feeling any genuine compassion for you. Letting time pass and then trying to interact with him again, in hopes of creating a friendship, is just going to put you back into the same vicious cycle.
Sometimes your instinct is to want to help the narcissist, love him, forgive him, or at least have some measure of closure. It’s not going to happen!
- Stop communicating with him.
You have to decide to stop engaging him altogether, which means to stop defending your honor, stop trying to lecture him (hoping he gets the point), and stop trying to punish him. It’s pointless. You have to decide to be finished with this relationship. A narcissist is so afraid of people not loving him, he actually avoids people who don’t give him enough attention.
It’s highly recommended that you cut him off entirely. No just friends, no social stalking, no interaction at all. And unlike, say, after a break up, you’re not going to be friends again someday. Because you know what he’s going to do. It’s inevitable.
- Understand that it is oftentimes YOU that want interaction with him.
Recognizing that narcissists ARE people-pleasers, and do validate you in some dysfunctional way, might be the next step. Narcissists give people what they want: attention, judgment, conflict, emotional highs and lows, sex, passion, so on and so on. But is what he gives HEALTHY?
If you seem to keep interacting with the narcissist, and can’t figure out why, ask yourself “What is he GIVING you and why do you crave it?”
This is a tough question to ask ourselves. No one wants to admit that a narcissist is giving us what we want. It’s just time to figure out that you don’t really want THAT. You don’t need what he has to offer anymore. It’s time for you to end the relationship because you no longer find him interesting. Soon enough, he will reflect that attitude back.
- Lastly, get help from friends and family if cutting him off is difficult.
If you find that cutting him off is impossible because of work or family, then get the help of someone else to deal with him whenever possible. Identifying your limitations (as in admitting that you can’t be alone with him without a dialog starting) is a positive step forward. Other people are usually willing to help if you explain the situation.
As much as possible, avoid him and if you must talk to him on rare occasion, give short one-word answers, to send a clear message:
I don’t find you interesting anymore. I don’t care.
Not caring is the narcissist’s worst nightmare. It is also the best way to get rid of him. Because if you don’t care about someone, there are no more “buttons” to push. Neither one of you win…you just move onto bigger and better things. Move on and take this relationship as a learning experience. That’s how you “ignore” a narcissist properly and back on the road to happiness.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
