Have you ever been “madly in love”? You might even call it a little bit of an obsession. Sure…I think it’s safe to say that everyone has experienced these feelings…
Usually in our teenage years, when we’re not used to processing our emotions and out-of-control passions. We all have a “one that got away story” or maybe a recurring fantasy that was all about lust and passion.
Yeah sure and that’s the sort of thing we outgrow, right?
Hmmm. Not always. When these obsessive crushes continue into adulthood, and in fact seem to get stronger over time, this is what you call obsessive love disorder. And despite the fact that there seems to be a lot of men who have this condition (you know stalker-vibe guys that have been chasing you for 20 or 30 years) it can also happen to women. Women can feel obsessive love just like men.
Sadly, even though it feels like Love in your head, it’s the opposite of what love truly is. Obsessive love involves these unhealthy characteristics:
- To possess the other person
- To protect the other person
- To be with that person at all times
- To obsessively fantasize about the person
- To stalk the person or obsessively see their social profiles, pictures, etc.
- To need another person and not be able to accept failure or rejection
Is Obsessive Love Disorder a Real Disorder?
This is not easy to explain. Obviously, I do give my readers the advice NOT to be obsessive. Don’t chase a guy or “need him” to the point where you begin a one-sided clingy relationship. That’s good advice, right?
But how can we determine what is simply unhealthy behavior (which many of us do because we’re inexperienced in relationships and need a friend to remind us of that) and a “disorder”, which means it’s a form of mental illness?
Well, I think in most cases, making mistakes in relationships is NOT mentally ill behavior. We’ve all made mistakes. We all make impulsive decisions. But when someone has a disorder, they go well beyond common mistakes made in relationships.
They reach the point where their obsession becomes dangerous either to themselves or to other people. The interesting thing is that obsessive love disorder is not officially recognized by the DSM-5 (which is the official list of mental disorders and their symptoms by the American Psychiatric Association).
However, it’s possible that obsessive love has symptoms similar to other document mental disorders such as dependent disorder, attachment disorder, borderline disorder, or even erotomania. When people use the term erotomania, sometimes they are referring to “excessive sexual desire”. But that’s not the clinical definition.
Erotomania refers to a delusional belief that a person is deeply in love with someone despite there being no evidence that the other person loves them back. So it’s not just that a woman crushes on a guy or maybe even falls in love with him after meeting him.
More like, she believes he loves her back, even though he clearly doesn’t. It’s a one-sided relationship and one that she creates through fantasies. It’s most common to fall in love with a celebrity, a billionaire, or someone of very high social status. In other words, unrealistic expectations.
Unfortunately, clinical erotomania involves “delusional beliefs” which is a fairly uncommon form of paranoid disorder. These unrequited but obsessive feelings –well beyond the point of unhealthy and approaching a dangerous level –
are actually called “paranoid delusions”. If you’ve ever seen the show Orange is the New Black, Morello might be a good example of an erotomania study.
Are You in a One-Sided Relationship?
That said, most cases of unrequited love are not erotomania. You are in control of your feelings and impulses. But it still hurts! That’s completely normal, especially if you’ve met a man who seems perfect or if you’ve known him for a while and feelings develop.
You might even experience the normal desires to:
- Protect him
- Possess him, or more to the point, have him in your life
- Think about him all the time
- Talk to him all the time
- Plan his life for him so he can be happy
- Feeling jealous of other women
These desires might be normal, since they are associated with love and marriage. But the problem is they are actually counterproductive to winning the man of your dreams. While he does want to be loved, understand that he doesn’t want to be controlled, doesn’t want to be “protected” (since that means losing his independence) and wants some alone-time – even when he’s in a loving relationship.
Remembering these fundamentals will help you avoid seeming too “clingy” or obsessive and may help to endear you to the man you love. There’s certainly nothing wrong with obsessively loving someone IF the love is two-sided and if both partners maintain a balanced view of privacy and independence.
After all, that’s what everybody wants. To find someone to love but to KEEP them interested and keep the relationship positive and respectful.
Work on Self-Improvement
This is why I try to advise my readers to remember to always project high self-confidence and self-worth. Realizing your own value will help you to avoid negative behaviors and “obsessive love disorder” symptoms.
When you project high confidence, and feel good about yourself, you will be less likely to make the same mistakes that end relationships.
That means sending constant emails or texts, or say awkward things, or put yourself down, or trying to control the guy you’re with. These are all behaviors that men don’t find attractive. They want to please you for YOU. Not because you’re trying to worship them or keep things perfect.
The key is working on yourself and developing your confidence. That will get rid of that constant need for reassurance that characterizes so many bad relationships. You don’t need constant reassurance. You don’t need to dream or fantasize about being happy.
You CAN be happy. You can change your love life. You can fall in love in the real world and it will be great!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
Click this link to watch my video right now <<
