If you’ve always struggled with a poor body image (meaning, you think you’re weird-looking, ugly, or less attractive than other people) then no doubt the idea of being intimate with someone is intimidating.
You might be thinking, “What if he laughs? What if he doesn’t like what he sees? What if he pretends to like me but doesn’t really like me?”
Sadly, these thoughts can interfere with your sex life and even destroy a good romance altogether.
Remember, toxic thoughts and the feelings they cause, come with us everywhere we go and in everything we do. Over time, we begin to project negative energy.
THIS is what your partner then focuses on. NOT your body, but the low self-confidence you have. How you carry yourself. How you seem shy, detached, and sexually confused. Sexually OFF, more like it. You don’t even seem comfortable or passionate anymore because of these negative thoughts and emotions that are taking over your mind.
The answer then is not simply to think positively and reshape your thoughts – even though that’s a great idea. There’s more…
First, it’s time to realistically evaluate your body and how your partner is responding to you. Let’s start by simply analyzing WHAT a man is thinking the first time you undress, or he undresses you.
Are you ready? Feeling uncomfortable? A little scared to hear what a man is really thinking. No need to be. Because I swear to god, these are his seven most recurring thoughts.
1. “Holy @##%! OMG! Ohhh yeah!”
No fooling. When a man is ready to have sex, he is mostly thinking in expletives and in very happy sexual rage. That’s it. He’s not nitpicking about your body. If he’s attracted to you and has been trying to hook up with you for a while, rest assured he is enjoying himself and the sight of you getting undressed. In fact…that brings us to his next thought.
2. “I wonder if she likes dirty talk?”
The next thought in a man’s uninhibited sexual stage is merely what’s pushing you too far and what’s OK. He wants to escalate. He wants to talk dirty, be sexy and intense, be passionate, and do his damndest to make sure you enjoy the experience. Once again, all thoughts are about him and his desire to please you.
3. “Wow she is really beautiful!”
That’s right. That’s exactly what he’s thinking. He’s either thinking, “Whoah am I lucky, she is beautiful!” Or if he knows you’re self-conscious about your body, then he’s thinking, “Why is she so hard on herself? She’s beautiful!”
Part of the problem is your natural tendency to reject compliments and assume the worst. But if a man shows attraction and shows that he desires you, then please do not doubt him! He means it. He’s not faking it. Only by accepting the compliment and accepting your own sexuality and desirability, can you enjoy this sensual encounter for what it is.
4. “OMG let me take a mental picture of this moment. I want to remember this forever!”
That’s right, men are very sentimental about their first sexual encounter with a new woman. They want to remember the experience and they love remembering the details. So all of the details that make you feel self-conscious because you see them as “imperfect”, he actually WANTS to remember, because they make the sex feel more real and alive to him.
5. “Gee I sure hope I don’t disappoint her!”
That’s right the irony of this is that the guy is just as paranoid and anxious about how he looks, or how he’s going to perform tonight, as you are. When the two of you get together, it becomes this awkward and anxiety-inducing thing. Why? Because neither of you can just relax and experience the joy of intimacy. Focus on enjoying the thrill of having sex with a new partner for the first time. Rather than worrying about imperfections or performance, just slow your thought process down. Gaze into each other’s eyes. Feel each other’s body without a goal, without trying to memorize a formula to orgasm. This is one of the best ways to distract yourself from such negative and destructive thoughts – slow down and take in the moment.
6. “I hope she thinks I’m sexy!”
Yes, guys get self-conscious too – especially if they’re not supermodels, which frankly, most men are not! We’re all just people with real bodies. Imperfect but still gorgeous and handsome, right?
So rather than focusing on your own body, and worrying about the encounter (which will hinder your orgasm, your pleasure, your everything!), instead, focus on assuring him that he’s handsome, sexy, and desirable. This will encourage him to enjoy himself, and in turn, he will work harder for your pleasure and give you the reassurance that you’re the best lover he’s ever had!
Getting rid of poor body image and performance anxiety is all about focusing on more positive things. Get out of your head. Get inside the sensual, the physical, and the beautiful moment!
Don’t let your own self-hate destroy your sex life! You deserve better than that. Both of you deserve this pleasure, this intimacy, this once in a lifetime moment, without distraction.
7. “Slow down…don’t come until she’s ready!”
Well, simply put, a lot more guys worry about staying power than you might think. Men are excitable and may get carried away the first time you’re together. That’s why it’s important to slow things down and not jump to the goal of climax.
Remember that if a guy is NOT physically attracted to you, and therefore might be thinking or saying something critical about your body, then please, don’t have sex with him! Date someone who you know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, wants you and your body. Talk about his attraction and why he likes you.
Once you hear his feelings on the matter, then accept his attraction for what it is. He doesn’t expect perfection. He doesn’t want perfection. He wants the real you, he wants sex in the real world, not a fantasy, not an erotic film. You are what he wants. Reward him, and reward yourself, by fully embracing this opportunity to bond together in a deeply personal and exciting way.
The secret words that drive men wild with desire
Imagine you come home…
… and you find a book on your bed.
You open it… you flip through the first few pages…
… and you gasp.
Because this book shares your man’s fantasies and desires.
You read this book. In fact, you memorize every page.
… And then your man comes home from work.
I bet the first words out of your mouth are your man’s favorite fantasy.
After all, it’s hard to feel shy when you know exactly what he wants to hear.
How can you know exactly what to say to drive your man wild?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. Some men close their eyes and drift into a fantasy during intimate moments, because the fantasy is better than reality. Instead, you can make him crave YOU and stay right here in the moment, focused on you. Want to know how?
