Usually, when we think of someone breaking up with a partner by text, it leaves a bad taste in our mouth. We all feel sorry for the person being rejected, especially since they didn’t even get an explanation in person.
Isn’t it the compassion thing to do? To treat someone else the way you would want to be treated?
Let’s rephrase the question. Is it sometimes appropriate the treat another person the way they’ve treated you?
In some cases, the answer has to be yes. For example, if another person is being aggressive towards you, you certainly would not want to let them bully you and give in to their demands.
Some people feel that “ghosting” a person is appropriate if the person being ghosted was behaving inappropriately.
By the same logic, if you feel the friendship (or the business relationship) has deteriorated over time, breaking up over text is not all that shocking. There’s no need to be sensitive and compassionate with a person if they don’t deserve that kind of respect.
In this discussion, we’re going to list six different situations in which many might agree that a text breakup is all that’s necessary. Some of these situations are very clear. Others, a bit of a grey area. Let’s talk about each one and then you can tell me what you think!
1. He’s just a guy creeping on you.
Although it’s questionable if it’s a real “relationship” at all, this counts. If the relationship is mostly in the guy’s delusional mind, then you do NOT owe him an in-person meeting. Just deliver the “breakup” text letting him know this is over. Don’t feed the troll any more. Just be done with it. No guilt required.
2. He’s been abusive or you’re afraid of him.
If he’s been cruel, violent, or wrathful in the past, then NO, there’s no good reason for you to risk an injury by confronting him in person. Even if he hasn’t hit you, if you are afraid that he will explode with anger after telling him, it’s best not to risk it.
Text him or call him, whatever you can handle. But be clear about why it’s ending so that he won’t be left in the dark.
3. Or you love him too much, even though he’s bad for you.
On the other hand, if the guy has some psycho sexual power over you (it happens sometimes!) and you find yourself “unable to say no to him” then why risk it? If you’re unhappy with him and want to end the relationship, but he doesn’t let you, that’s not right.
Again, deliver in text form what he needs to know. Don’t agree to meet him again just to talk. Be firm about this being the end.
4. You’ve already been separated and have had this discussion before.
Here’s where things get a little tricky and not so obvious. I feel that if a couple separates and actually lives apart for a few months or even years, that makes things pretty clear. About the lack of future, about your lives growing apart.
A guy might be surprised that you’re finally moving forward, but we all kind of know separation never ends well. It is a gradual process towards divorce or permanent breakup.
If a guy wants to win you back, he should do it well before the separation occurs. Prolonging this fossilized relationship serves no purpose. It’s actually cruel to give him false hope at this point.
5. You’ve only chatted online.
Sorry, but I really do think relationships should be physical, or at least “aural”, before you get your hopes up about a future. There is way too much catfishing going on in the world.
If you’ve only chatted online, but one or both of you refused to invest anything by meeting in person, or trying to, then it’s time to admit this was just mindless flirting. Maybe things got a little too intense – but that’s still nothing to feel too guilty about. Don’t lead a person on and don’t be led on, by a catfisher who is scared of getting together in real life.
6. He’s violated your personal boundaries in a way that’s unforgivable.
This is a deeply personal reason and it could involve practically anything that was clearly over the line and disrespectful of your boundaries.
For some women, a man cheating is unforgivable. For other, the abuse of a loved one (like disrespecting your parents or siblings) or even being a jerk to your dog – these are all valid reasons to dump him via text.
If he’s lied to you, that may be unforgivable. Because if he started the relationship with a lie, how can you ever trust him again? If he seduced you into bed, before you were ready, then that’s a violation too.
Simply put, a man that doesn’t respect you deserves no respect in return.
Now, this doesn’t also mean you should attack him, stalk him, harass him, or send a bunch of mobsters to rough him up. Revenge is not the answer either.
But simply avoiding him and not dealing with him are perfectly valid ways to react to a man who has violated your moral conscience.
As we can see, it’s not really about etiquette or following a list of rules. What it boils down to is (A) how you see this person, what feelings (if any) you have for him, and (B) the respect you want to give to all people.
On one hand, we always want to treat people like we expect to be treated. On the other hand, you don’t want to shy away from speaking your mind and more importantly, ignoring sources of negativity in your life.
It’s up to you to determine your life mission and figure out how you want to treat people. Think about the good people you meet in life and also the ones who only bring you down. If you’re living according to your own high morals and standards, then do whatever you think is right. That is exactly what you “should” do.
Text him this to trigger his desire to chase you…
Did you know that you can trigger a man’s hormones through your text messages?
It’s true. How you communicate with a man can actually release different hormones in his body.
One of the most important ones is testosterone because that’s what makes him CHASE you, pursue you, and invest in you so that he gets “hooked” and desires something more with you.
Want to trigger this in your man?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You can actually trigger a “cocktail of emotions” inside a man that makes him feel like he can’t get you out of his mind and even feel addicted to you, if you text him a certain way.
