Clingy. Desperate. Psycho. Needy. Scary.
All of these insulting names are basically describing the same thing. A woman who chases a man is very intimidating.
At first he might find the chasing approach cute and bold. But over time, his defensive instincts kick in and he starts to think something is wrong.
Why? Why can’t men be happy that a woman is chasing them? Is it really such a taboo in modern society? Haven’t we matured beyond the stereotype of a shy woman who must be pursued? Why can’t it be the other way around?
Well, first of all, it’s not entirely impossible to chase a guy and to win him over. It’s statistically unlikely, but it happens once in a while. Usually this “chasing” tactic works on men who are very shy. Men who are very attached to their mothers. Men with low self-esteem. You get the point. A certain type of man might not mind is so much.
But the average man WILL find it intimidating. The question “why” is easy. Every “undesirable” woman will usually start a relationship by chasing a man. She goes against the stereotype. She doesn’t flirt subtly. She’s bold. Daring. Crass.
This is true of the following types:
- Stalkers
- Prostitutes
- Women who want to get married right away
- Controlling or jealous types
- “Gold diggers” as Kanye West called them
- Women who aren’t all quite there mentally
- And maybe cougars who just want sex
So when a woman chases a man, his first question is, “Why is she trying so hard? Why is she trying to “sell me” on this friendship? He immediately recognizes the fact that you’re doing the opposite of most women.
You are unique but instead of projecting it, you’re TELLING him. That’s when trouble starts. He thinks something is wrong.
Over time, he begins to resent the fact that you are the DOMINANT member of the relationship. He starts to wonder if HE is the one who actually wants this relationship or if it’s all you. He starts to crave his independence.
This is a typical scenario and one reason why aggressive women usually turn guys off.
One of the lessons I’ve tried to emphasize on this blog is that women shouldn’t “chase” men, because men are either biologically or socially wired to chase women. They want to be the ones to define the relationship. They want to feel passion in the relationship that THEY initiate.
So if you notice that your crush has been backing away from you lately, it could be because he senses you are “chasing him” and he lost control in this relationship.
While you’re free to continue doing as you please, my suggestion is that you stop doing what you’re doing and instead try the complete opposite.
Hear me out. I want you to STOP chasing him and see what happens. Stop trying so hard. Stop doing the things that will make him like you. Just as experiment, stop and withdraw just a little bit.
I’ll bet you one of these scenarios will happen:
- He will you.
He will wonder what went wrong. He will obsess over you and try to win you back.
- He won’t try to win you back…at first. But you’ll both take a break and be better for it.
It’s a wonderful thing to take some time apart and grow – especially before you rush into marriage or a living arrangement. Slowing things down lets you both figure out what you truly want, more free time, and work on self-improvement. Not for him, but for you. You might discover things about yourself, you might have ignored.
You can make more time for friends and family. Broaden your perspectives and opportunities by listening to other people and re-thinking your goals.
- You might even want to date other people.
Both you and he might be surprised to discover how many single people think you’re attractive and would love the opportunity just to get to know you better. This might be important if you’re thinking of committing to the one guy, but DON’T feel that amazing, butterflies-in-the-tummy feeling that you thought you would. He might be having doubts as to whether you’re the one he wants. You definitely don’t want to settle on anyone. Love should be something you feel passionate about, something that stimulates your emotions in a positive way.
On the other hand, you may both discover that the “competition” out there is disappointing. You might date other people and start to miss each other, that unique bond you had.
Your emotional connection is real. It’s beyond sex, beyond convenience. It’s something special and worth fighting for. Now you both re-enter the relationship with this new understanding and you’ve both grown.
“Stop Chasing Him” Is NOT a Test
Don’t think that you’re toying with him or testing him just because you stop chasing him. If anything, chasing him too hard is more manipulative. Love connections should always be 50/50, with two people interested in each other and interacting equally.
One-sided relationships usually end badly. Nobody wants to be pressured into love or commitment. By giving him the SPACE he needs, you’re giving him a gift. Now he can finally determine what he wants. He can determine his true feelings for you.
Maybe after he gets some time alone, he will decide he likes you and he wants to pursue you again. If that happens what do you do?
Let HIM Chase YOU!
I’m a fan of trying “whatever works.” So if you back away from him just a little bit and you start to make him paranoid, obsessed, and fawning all over you again, that’s the behavior you want to keep going.
So do NOT go back to the old pattern of chasing him, planning things for him, controlling him, and smothering him with loving attention.
On the other hand, you DO want to show love and keep him interested. What you should, then, is try to get him to chase you. Always RESPOND to him and give him warm and friendly banter when he works for it.
Be all about encouraging him to chase you – because that will make him all the more obsessed with you and eager to please you. Chasing him too hard only discourages him from chasing you. You’re doing all the work and he has nothing to do.
I think you’ll notice a major shift in the relationship by giving him more independence and then rewarding him for the attention he does pay you. Let’s give it a try!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
Click this link to watch my video right now <<
