Sit Back and Let Him Come to You. Does This Work?

Sit Back and Let Him Come to You. Does This Work?

In the unpredictable world of dating and relationships, we often find ourselves facing dilemmas that don’t have clear-cut answers. One piece of advice that has stood the test of time is, “Sit back and let him come to you.” But, does this really work? As with most things in life, the answer isn’t a straightforward ‘yes’ or ‘no.’ It often depends on the context and the individuals involved.

The phrase “Sit back and let him come to you” conjures up images of waiting patiently for your love interest to make the next move, holding back your impulses to reach out, and resisting the urge to steer the relationship’s direction. On the surface, this strategy appears passive, but it’s rooted in a deep understanding of human emotions, communication, patience, and most importantly, self-worth.

Navigating through love’s maze can be a daunting task, and it’s perfectly natural to seek guidance along the way. In this article, we will delve deeper into various scenarios to determine when the strategy of sitting back might be the most effective.

The following sections will cover the five scenarios outlined in detail.

Scenario 1: He Needs Space to Process His Feelings

We’ve all been in situations where emotions run high and everything seems to be moving a little too fast. In such cases, your partner may need some space to think, reflect, and process their feelings. Here, the advice to “Sit back and let him come to you” can be remarkably effective.

When a man says he needs space, it doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to end the relationship. More often, it means he’s trying to regain his emotional equilibrium or find solutions to personal challenges. Men often prefer solving problems on their own, and this withdrawal can be seen as an attempt to do just that.

The idea of ‘space’ in a relationship often carries negative connotations, mainly because it’s misunderstood. Giving him space doesn’t mean cutting off communication entirely. Instead, it means reducing the intensity and frequency of interaction, allowing him to navigate his emotions without feeling pressured.

When you sit back and let him come to you in this scenario, it sends a strong message of respect for his personal space and emotional process. It shows that you’re patient, understanding, and confident, qualities that are attractive in any relationship.

However, it’s crucial to strike a balance. There’s a difference between giving him space and feeling isolated. Regular check-ins (without prying too much) can help ensure the emotional connection isn’t lost during this period.

Scenario 2: He’s Indecisive About the Relationship

Relationships can sometimes find themselves on uncertain grounds, with one or both partners feeling indecisive about the future. This uncertainty can stem from various factors, including personal insecurities, past relationship trauma, or lack of clarity about one’s feelings. In such situations, deciding to “Sit back and let him come to you” can be beneficial, but it should come with self-awareness and clear boundaries.

When a man is unsure about the relationship, giving him space can be helpful. It can provide him with the opportunity to evaluate his feelings without external pressure. However, it’s essential to remember that your feelings, time, and emotional well-being are equally important.

When you choose to sit back and let him come to you, make sure you’re not putting your life on hold. Engage in activities you love, spend time with friends and family, and don’t hesitate to explore personal growth opportunities. This approach serves a dual purpose – it ensures your happiness isn’t dependent on the relationship status, and it also subtly communicates to your partner that your world doesn’t revolve solely around them.

One essential aspect of using this approach in this scenario is setting a mental timeline. It might seem counterintuitive, considering we’re discussing patience, but it’s about respecting your own emotional needs. Waiting indefinitely for someone can lead to feelings of resentment and dissatisfaction. If the indecisiveness persists despite your patience, it might be time to have a serious conversation about the future of the relationship.

Scenario 3: He’s a Commitment-Phobe

The fear of commitment is not uncommon and can manifest in various ways, from avoiding discussions about the future to resisting the idea of exclusivity. If you find yourself involved with a man who seems to fear commitment, should you “Sit back and let him come to you”?

In this context, stepping back could serve as a reality check, providing the individual with a glimpse of what life would be like without you. However, this strategy might not always yield the desired results. Commitment phobia is often deep-rooted, linked to past experiences or deep-seated fears that mere space may not resolve.

While it might be tempting to sit back and hope he’ll overcome his fears, it’s essential to maintain open communication. Speak about your expectations, desires, and fears. Let him know that you understand his apprehensions, but also convey your need for commitment.

Remember, when you decide to “sit back and let him come to you”, it shouldn’t mean accepting less than you deserve. You’re merely providing them space and time to come to terms with their feelings, but your emotional needs and wants are equally important. If the fear of commitment continues to prevent the relationship from progressing, professional help such as a relationship counselor or a psychologist may be beneficial.

Scenario 4: He’s Taking You for Granted

Being taken for granted is a painful experience. If you feel undervalued or overlooked, opting to “Sit back and let him come to you” can serve as a wakeup call.

When you’re always available and willing to go the extra mile, some partners might fall into the habit of taking your efforts for granted. By stepping back, you’re subtly communicating that your affection and efforts aren’t limitless or unconditional. This could make him realize your worth and prompt a change in his behavior.

However, it’s crucial to understand that this tactic should not be used manipulatively. The intent is not to create fear or insecurity but to foster mutual respect and appreciation.

While you choose to “Sit back and let him come to you”, use this time to reassess your relationship. Reflect on why you feel taken for granted and what changes you would like to see. Open communication about your feelings can help ensure that your partner understands your needs and expectations.

Ultimately, a healthy relationship should make you feel valued, loved, and respected. If sitting back doesn’t lead to any changes, or if you find yourself continually feeling undervalued, it might be time to reconsider the relationship’s health.

Scenario 5: You’ve Just Started Dating

The early stages of dating are often filled with excitement, anticipation, and a fair bit of uncertainty. You’re still getting to know each other, and both parties are likely cautious about making the next move. In this scenario, does the advice to “Sit back and let him come to you” hold up?

When you’ve just started dating someone, it’s natural to want to spend as much time with them as possible. However, this eagerness might inadvertently rush the natural flow of the relationship. This is where the idea of sitting back can be quite effective.

Taking a step back to “Sit back and let him come to you” allows the relationship to progress at a healthy, balanced pace. It allows both partners to engage equally, preventing any one-sided dynamics from forming early on. It also helps foster a sense of intrigue and anticipation, which can be vital ingredients in the early dating phase.

However, sitting back should not mean becoming passive or unresponsive. Express your interest, be engaged when you’re together, and don’t hesitate to initiate plans or conversations sometimes. A balanced relationship involves give-and-take from both parties.

Scenario 6: After a Breakup

Navigating post-breakup dynamics can be challenging. The decision to stay in touch, become friends, or cut off contact entirely is subjective and depends on the individuals and circumstances. If you’re considering rekindling the relationship, should you “Sit back and let him come to you”?

Taking some time apart after a breakup can be beneficial. It allows both individuals to reflect on what went wrong, what they’ve learned, and what they truly want moving forward. In this context, deciding to “Sit back and let him come to you” could provide the necessary space for healing and introspection.

However, this advice comes with a caveat. If the relationship ended due to severe issues like infidelity, abuse, or toxic behavior, hoping for change or reconciliation might not be healthy or safe. In such cases, seeking professional advice can be helpful.

If you decide to “Sit back and let him come to you”, it’s crucial to use this period for self-improvement and growth, rather than waiting anxiously for them to reach out. Whether or not they come back, you would have gained valuable insights and grown from the experience.


The advice to “Sit back and let him come to you” is not a one-size-fits-all approach but rather a strategy that can be effective in specific circumstances. Its effectiveness largely depends on the context, individual personalities, and the dynamics of the relationship.

While it’s advantageous to sit back and give the man the space to come to you in scenarios such as when he needs space, is indecisive, has commitment issues, or is taking you for granted, it’s important to remember that this advice is not meant to be a game of power or control. It’s about fostering healthy communication, respect, patience, and mutual effort in a relationship.

When you decide to “Sit back and let him come to you,” it should be from a place of self-respect and understanding, not from fear or manipulation. It should empower you, not make you feel helpless. It’s about knowing your worth, setting boundaries, and not settling for less than you deserve.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and what works for one might not work for another. It’s important to consider your own feelings and well-being in the process. If you find that this approach is causing you more stress or discomfort than it’s worth, it might be time to reconsider whether the relationship is right for you.

Ultimately, the goal is to build a relationship based on mutual respect, open communication, and genuine love. Whether you choose to sit back or take the initiative, it should be in pursuit of these principles.

1 thought on “Sit Back and Let Him Come to You. Does This Work?”

  1. Kristin Rafter

    I feel so much better about my new relationship after studying this. I took notes probably because I don’t want to forget what you said here. I was crying my eyes out trying to watch matthew hussey this morning. Clearly he is not the right coach for me. I feel empowered again now. Thank you. Today I texted my new man asking him to list ways I can “treat him right” and “make him happy”. Thats what he asked from me. I don’t want to guess and saying “yes” just isn’t enough, in my opinion. I wish I could buy your Allure program. We are long distance fighting over who makes the “magical meet” trip first. I know he should and he offered but backed off cuz he didn’t have any money for the flight. I really hope I don’t give up on him. He’s busy being a model and I’m going to have surgery on Monday. I wish he could be here. I hope he doesn’t forget about me and stop texting me altogether. I text far more than he does…but eventually he tries to catch up. By then the messages are too old to discuss , at least for me. I need patience with him. I’m 20 years older than him and feel like I don’t have any more time to wait for a man. I.would appreciate if you, matthew kept in touch with me. I have purchased your “what to text” him download. He did respond by answering the questions. However I didn’t know what to say next. Talk soon Matthew. Kristin Rafter

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