Dear ____,

I’ve been thinking a while on whether or not to write this letter. Please understand that the only reason I hesitated to send it was that I didn’t want to overstep my bounds and get involved in your business.

I know we’re friends, but at the same time, I know it’s your life and I don’t want to be one of those people that always offer unsolicited advice.

The reason why I decided to send this letter is that I think you need to hear this perspective. Maybe someone has already told and if I’m just repeating what others have said, I apologize. But you need to hear this at least once.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Nobody thinks any differently of you, just because of what happened.

Here’s the truth. You tried your very best. You gave your all. You gave everything. And that was enough.

I know you did because I saw how much you loved him.

You must forgive yourself and believe in yourself, that yes, you did everything you could and you have no reason to carry any regrets with you.

There is no looking back. Remember that this is what your ex chose, this was his decision. Not yours, not anyone else’s. It wasn’t your fault, not even his fault. You both made mistakes. But trying to blame one person for everything that went wrong is just pointless.

The simple fact is you were not compatible. You both wanted something else. Something that you couldn’t provide for him, nor could he provide for you. It wasn’t fair to either one of you. You were both tired of pretending.

In the end, the best decision, the only decision, was to let each other go. You gave him what he wanted, which was to be free of you. It was the greatest act of love you could possibly give to him. I don’t think he will understand that for a long time.

But it’s his loss. I’m proud of you, that you had the courage to walk away. I always knew you had it in you. Even though you were deeply in love with him, I always admired that you had a strong independent nature. You were unstoppable, once you determined in your heart what you wanted. I’m so glad that you never lost that part of you.

You’re still that woman. And it’s time for you to shine. To look ahead to the future and to move past this chapter in your life.

I don’t want you to think of the past as a bad thing, or a mistake you made, or anything like that. You’re just hurting yourself when you think things like that. It’s unfair to you and to him.

Life is a learning experience. Nothing more. You reach out to someone, you trust someone, and then sometimes they disappoint you. It happens. But it should never reflect badly on you.

It may surprise you to know that I think of your kindness, your sincerity, and your love for other people to be some of your best qualities. You know we meet so many negative people in life. Selfish people. People that just don’t care.

And then there are people like you. People who care too much. People who put their heart into what they do. They put their whole heart and mind into a relationship. You love deeply. And the world is a better place because of you. You are the cure to all the madness. I’m happy that you are the way that you are. You give people hope. You work hard, you’re honest, and you’re always so upbeat. You make every room you’re in come alive.

Don’t ever change. Don’t lose sight of who you really are, just because of a bad experience.

Instead, I ask that you please forgive yourself. I know at the start of a breakup, we usually carry so much anger and grief. And I know you’re going through that right now. It’s okay to miss him, to grieve over what happened.

But don’t let it control you. Learn to forgive. Not for his own sake, but for yourself. At some point, you’re going to want to let all that go. All the guilt, all the regret, all the painful memories, everything.

You have to forgive him to move on with your own life. You have to forgive yourself and give yourself credit for trying so hard.

You made so much progress in this relationship, even though he didn’t. You proved to yourself you could commit, you could be in a serious relationship, and you could give your all to make a marriage work.

Don’t underestimate the value of that. From now on, I hope and pray that you can be as good to yourself as you were to him.

Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You’re so kind to everyone else. You need some self-love too. You need time to be kind to yourself and to rejuvenate.

Don’t see this time as a trial. Use it to search your heart. To understand what you really want out of life. I’ve seen a side you that few people have. Ambitious, powerful, in control. You can be that again. You can reach newer heights now that you’re free.
I know you can do it. You’re going to do great things this year. You’re going to get promoted, do amazing things, travel to faraway exotic places, and meet lots of new people.

And when you’re finally at the top of the mountain and feeling your best again, then you’re going to find someone that deserves you.

This time, I want you to do it differently. Don’t settle. Don’t be afraid of being alone. Because at some point soon, you’re going to realize how beautiful and how amazing you are. Guys adore you. Women want to be you. Any man would be honored to call you his girlfriend. You’re going to project that positive energy and have high self-confidence. You lost it once but now your focus is getting it back.

And I want you to hold onto that attitude of success and gratitude. Because at some point you’re going to figure out that “Yes, I can do better…” and from that point on you are going to hold men to a higher standard. You are going to wait until a man worthy of you gives you the attention you want.

This time you determine the rules and standards in the relationship. And I promise you this. If you can do this and put your heart into it, helping yourself the way you tried to help him? You are going to find real love and the next relationship is going to be the last one. The one that lasts forever.

So promise you’ll do that for me. As always, I will be here, ready to listen. Ready to remind you of how great you are, and how there’s only one direction to go now. Forward. Into the arms of someone who loves you as much as you love.

Sincerely,

Me

 

    83 replies to "An Open Letter to Every Woman Who Gave Too Much of Herself to the Wrong Guy"

    • Cortez, Nova Claire

      Thank you for the letter. I really appreciate it because it really good for me. And Ive learned alot. THANK YOU

      • Joan Stamile

        Amen

    • Lilian Andega

      Thanks for the insight.

      • Tk

        This is awesome. Something I will re read until it’s part of my spirit… I always ask why do I attract these types. But taking time to learn who I am, is the best advice. Than you

      • Jeannie

        I really needed that…thank you x

    • Bridget

      Thanks enomously for this write-up. Am kind of at the brink of a break-up. I did put my all into the relationship but was taken for granted. Now it’s just to move on as you tightly said. Thanks again

    • Eleanor musa

      Thank you this is very uplifting….feel much better now than this morning

    • Kusasira monica

      I really appreciate the message coz it reads my life but gave me courage. Thnx for healing peoples hearts

      • Francisca

        Thanks for the advice, I now hope that one day I will gather the courage to let go and start building my life a fresh

    • Tracey

      I am currently experiencing this because he was incapable of providing me with what Ibdeserved. I have faith that someone will make me

    • Monica Brown

      Omg you hit nail on the head here my friend ok it’s happened.to me but trying so hard to move on with my life Ido and do still love my guy no matter what just hope pray he might come back but doubt it in my heart thank you don’t feel quite so bad now

    • Pam

      This came at the perfect time, I had loved too much, the relationship I was just in is described perfectly above, ended this weekend. Widowed last year I asked my late husband for help, then this letter came. Someone told me there is no such thing as coincidence. Thank you

    • Foxxy

      That was such a beautiful message, at such a perfect time as this. Thank you so much for letting God use you, to help woman heal. Your kind words of wisdom are a healing balm for my heart.

    • Elizabeth

      POWERFUL..THANK YPU

    • Hattie Hawkins

      Thank u that’s so true i put my all in everything i do plus i Love hard

    • Debby

      Thank you so much,it’s was like you know what am going through right now.i really appreciate your advice and encouragement. I decided not to go into any relationship again but thank you.

    • Pretty

      This is what I needed to hear. This letter tells so much about me. Thank you for sending this

    • Stacy

      Wow this is so speaking to me.Thank you so much for this.

    • Gloria

      Wow amazing, that is what I wanted to hear,it really open my eyes
      And I did give this relationship my all 100%
      This was a one way relationship……
      Thank you !

    • Alison

      Thank you for your advice I was tempted to take my husband back. We are still married but have lived apart for almost 3 years.

      He was a repeated cheat and a control freak. I didn’t see it while we were together. My family all hate him for what he did to me. I also hated him for a time.

      We were together 27 years it has taken along time to get over the hurt and betrayal. He tells me he has changed. I want to believe it but after so many broken promises and lies I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. The last few years with him were so toxic.

      My son says we are much better apart and that I look way happier. I just feel sad that we ended up like this. I guess I must still love him or I would not have even considered his proposition.

    • Sandra Williamson

      Thank you so very much for your kind words made me feel a lot better

    • Christine

      Thank you so much I really needed this

    • Brenda

      Thank you for this powerful affirmation. It arrived on the day when I will be doing exactly what you said. Moving forward in a brave new way. The road is open to new possibilities and I will not settle. I am ready. ❤️❤️❤️

    • Julie Chmilnitzky

      How did you know what I just went through? This is what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!

    • Lucille Rushing

      Thank you I needed that

    • Christine

      Thank you for this lovely, insightful letter, full of wisdom, hope and healing. It can be so difficult to pick yourself up again and just carry on when your world has been rocked to it’s very core. And hard to trust and have faith in your own judgements and choices once more as you meet new men.
      But Fortune favours the brave. So walk forward in the belief that tomorrow will be better.

    • Tracy Crespo

      Thankyou I needed to hear that badly.

    • Sandra M. Waller

      Thank you for your lovely letter. My big sis n. family n friends have all told me in your letter n I always have a positive mental attitude n am agony aunt to everyone even strangers. I believe that things happen for a reason n are also lessons we need to learn. I’m strong n will never give up on finding true on conditional love n my soulmate n believe I will find it within the next year when it’s supposed to happen. So watch this space.

    • Patricia

      Thank You Mr Coast,

      Your letter made me cry.
      Thank you, what a relief that someone somewhere out there understands.

      Love and peace to you

    • Racheal Russell

      Thanks so much for this. I am currently leaving a Narcissists and I am completely emotionally drained I needed those words to lift me back up. I know I fully loved him dearly and he is seeing someone else like nothing ever happened but I am staying alone and working on myself and my child. I gave him my everything to get scraps of love here and there and it’s definitely a painful experience.

      • Joconna

        Me too. Whatever you do, DON’T GO BACK!

    • Laura

      Tears

    • Denise

      Thanks for this letter for me it is very timely I am going through a recent break up and was beating myself up. This letter is extremely helpful so thanks again….

    • Linda

      Thank you for the positive uplifting words!

    • Stephanie Ouma

      Thank you for the letter,it has helped me alot I appreciate it, I can finally move on.

    • Dana Absher

      This is so awesome Thank you so very much for this!!

    • Kathy

      Thank you for this letter. I am this letter. Been told many times I’m to nice and giving. But don’t know how to change that. Pushed many people away in my life.Because they say no one is like this. What is your faults. You aren;t real. All because I care to much. This is very uplifting.

    • Martha

      Beautiful and uplifting!

    • Amy Norton

      So true. Words of wisdom are appreciated!

    • Vina

      Thank you for the mesage.i like it and ive learned a lot..

    • AJ

      No truer words were spoken that were me 3 years ago….: I am now about to celebrate my first anniversary with a truly wonderful Partner who I know would do anything for me

    • Carol J Parsons

      Thank you for your kind words of encouragement,I really.neefed to hear that this morning..I will certainly keep.that in mind. I know I can do much better.Thank you so very much
      .With much gratitude.

    • Ann Truex

      Thank you. I appreciate all you do and share to all of us.
      Sincerely,
      Ann T.

    • Kamilla

      Thank you Matt! It’s really tremendous what you gave us women! Thank you for taking that part to take care of vulnerable and lost women, thank you for pointing the light to the darkest sides of paths! I promise will do as you require and follow all the plan a lifetime plan! Thank you for taking my anxiety and making it disappear and blast like a balloon! God is with you! Xx

    • Cinzia

      Grazie infinite, Matthew ❤️

    • jenn

      Thank you for this. I really needed reminding. I also needed this as my motivation to continue to be me. There is so much more that this letter means at this time in my life. I just want to say thank you and please don’t stop believing in us (women). I really do just want the love I deserve.

    • Lorie

      For me its turned around their is a great love. I will see where it gos♡♡♡

    • Lynn DeMoray

      Thank you so much for that letter. It spoke directly to my heart! I am moving on from that toxic relationship and letting it go! I put myself out there again, and a new honorable and compassionate man quietly walked into my life and he is helping me to get up, brush myself off and open my heart again to a new destiny with a wonderful man who understands and accepts me for who I am, and is gently encouraging me to love again!
      Your letter help me tremendously.
      Thank you Mat!

    • Katherine

      Thank you for the letter of encouragement, well needed

    • Sharon

      Thank you. I am going to save this letter so every time I want to do what I did before, I will stop and read this letter. I guess I have to own that I was told from the beginning he didn’t want a relationship or commitment. Me, I thought I could change him. I did everything for him. I cooked, gave him presents, listened when he was going through things, had sex with him. I am moving to a new state soon and now, he tells me how much he loves me and will miss me. That is not it at all, he will miss all the things I have done for him and knows he won’t find anyone else who does all those things. I wish him all the best and I hope he finds someone special. It just isn’t me.

    • Veverlyn

      Thank you for being there it helps a lot

    • Almina

      Out of all that you have written and that I have read this one hit me like a Gospel it is soso real my God

    • Trish

      I so needed to hear this. After 1 1/2 yrs of grieving my marriage of 20 yrs and having to start over in my 60’s, and still settling for crumbs from him, a man who cheated on me for around 5 yrs (I didn’t know), I REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON. Super duper scary, but thank you so much for this encouragement. You are a wonderful person and you have helped me when I feel I can’t go on, feeling so so alone and a failure. God bless you, Mathew❤️

    • Juanice A Cain

      Thank you so very much for this letter. I like the previous person who replied will keep this letter and will reflect on it when I feel myself allowing anyone to under appreciate my worth. I have been working on loving me, forgiving me, and accepting me for me. Some days are more challenging than others. I am proud to say while I’m not completely their, I’m so far from where I was and used to be. Life is so unpredictable and should never be taken for granted. I know now in order to give love, healthy love that is;you have to be health in mind, spirit, and soul. Sometimes in most cases that requires self healing. So again thank you and please keep the positive reinforcement coming.

    • AliBali

      I am contemplating ending my marriage. I have thought about it before, but esp. these last two years. We have been married for 15 years.

      Thank you for this letter, whIch I will use to help me reflect on things whilst I have a few days off work. Maybe it will help me to make a decision.

    • Kimberly

      Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you!

    • Mona Kessie

      Thank you. I’m going to save this and read it every day and remind myself

    • Mary

      This letter really spoke to me and where I am right now in my life. Thank you for this gift.

    • Ann

      Well appreciated, treasured thoughts. Thank you for giving, encouraging, confirming! Ann

    • Marie

      Thank you for this mind openiing letter. I feel that rjght now, loving so much but i broke up with him.Maybe we are not really meant for each other…l learned so much from this open letter to women thank you….

    • Alysa

      Matt!
      It feels like this was written for me! I got this at the exact perfect time! Thank you! Thank you!

    • Betty

      This is unbelievable. Right where I am at this very moment. Thsnk you

    • Yhnna

      Thank you so much and really appreciate it., i feel better for this writng..I will hold on to this letter and keep it ..

    • Ml

      Thanks Matt! You are not afraid to say what’s true! Your mission is so special. Let us pray for one another…

    • Michele Abbott

      Our hearts take us in many directions. It hard to recognize in the heat of love that we have valid need to be met. All of our needs are different. We try, sometimes to make someone meet our needs. What we should be looking for is someone who wants to meet our needs who asks us what we need and tells us what they need. That, to me, seems like a working relationship. Don’t kill yourself to make it happen. With the right person will want to make the effort to make sure each other is happy. Then it flows slowly but surely into an amazing union. That’s what I want.

    • Tammy

      Thanks I need to hear that. But I don’t understand why I cannot stop thinking about him. I moved in with him in 92 and left it moved out in 93 I had to leave he owned a club had to move out because I had two girls I had to leave I met up with him again in 2018 I moved in with him in 2019 in 2020 I moved out he we could not get along he’s to me he is a narcissistic so but I love him thank you

    • rosie

      Thanks Met for this open letter; it was just what I needed to hear! I’m much more worth than what I think of myself. I’m working on loving and accepting myself just as I am.

    • Shamla

      Thank u for the letter. Its an eye opener fir me as well cos i always thought he would soon wake up nd smell the coffee but i think he has taken me for granted but its time for me to say gudbye nd move on. Thank you once again

    • Kellie

      Much appreciated.

      Thanks
      Kellie

    • Jackie

      Hello there
      Thank you so much for taking time to write this lettet to us. It really felt like it helped me . Appreciate really.
      Light, love and blessings to you.
      Kind regards. J

    • Carolyn

      Thank you Matt, just what I needed to read especially at this time of hurting.

    • Tasha

      WOW! I really needed to hear this Matthew! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I need to read it again so it could really sink in.

    • Linda Adamson

      2 1/2 years ago I put a stop to what had been a nightmare of a relationship for around 6 months. I kept hoping that he would return to the kind, Loving man he was when I fell deeply in Love with him. He had gone from an amazing man to a common criminal and was trying to get my ID involved in his crimes. I walked, hurt, but fed up. I have fallen head over heels for MY IDEAL MAN in the past few months and want to spend the remainder of my life Loving him and being as he says “HIS WOMAN “ lol. We have a beautiful connection and want the same things out of our beautiful relationship. Our main objective is to LOVE and BE LOVED. My life has never known such LOVE or HAPPINESS. My problem is with a couple of friends that are going overboard with their thoughts on how I am going to be used and hurt terribly. They don’t know My Love, I feel that I do know him, very well. He has never lied to me or been harsh in any way, just a tender loving addition to my life. I finally told these women that they were no longer welcome in my home , especially since they are hell bend on me hearing their negative chit about someone I love. They say because I was in a pretty bad situation before that I am bound to get the same results this time. That’s not true to me and I am going to keep Loving Who I have chosen. One last thing I want to share with you is that yesterday I received a letter of apology from the criminal saying how sorry he is for the way he treated me. Even said I didn’t deserve what he pulled on me .. . . Haha I knew that all along

    • Christie

      My God is great, and so are you..
      Thank you for this message as I heal.
      It was though you spoke me, in the same way God is speaking to my heart. God bless you, and all the women going through a
      heartbreak..

    • Shauna Moore

      I’ve been working on this for one and a half months now even though we were still togeather. I decided on the 13th of Feb I was completely done. He says no one will love me like him….I said your right they will love me better. He is a narcissist and a Cancer so double whammy I had to deal with over & over. Thank you for having all womans backs!

    • Lucy Hildenberger

      Perfect timing!! Divine timing actually so thanks a million. You’re a gift to us women!

    • Joanna

      You truly are a sweetheart Matthew.. Ooxx

    • Beverly Binion

      Thank you so much I really appreciate and needed to read that letter. GOD bless you!

    • sharon Dalessio

      Thank you. This process has not been easy for me. Every time I said goodbye.. we were back together again. and every time he left, I was miserable again. The roller coaster ride is killing me. I need to print this and put it on my refrigerator and my nightstand. Sometimes, even that person that feels right is not right for you.

    • Cris

      Thank you for this letter. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. My prayer is I find someone worthy of my love. I am still waiting for my soulmate.

    • Lorna Jones

      These words are so true. Very much appreciated.

    • Belena

      Beautiful letter
      Right o. Time

    • Tracey

      Thank you for the lovely words, that ring very true, I was married to a narcissistic person for 29 years. When his family stopped talking to me, I started to realise what he was doing to me through a counsellor.

      I ended up leaving him going to my parents house and now has a house of my own.

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