I’ve been thinking a while on whether or not to write this letter. Please understand that the only reason I hesitated to send it was that I didn’t want to overstep my bounds and get involved in your business.
I know we’re friends, but at the same time, I know it’s your life and I don’t want to be one of those people that always offer unsolicited advice.
The reason why I decided to send this letter is that I think you need to hear this perspective. Maybe someone has already told and if I’m just repeating what others have said, I apologize. But you need to hear this at least once.
You have nothing to be ashamed about. Nobody thinks any differently of you, just because of what happened.
Here’s the truth. You tried your very best. You gave your all. You gave everything. And that was enough.
I know you did because I saw how much you loved him.
You must forgive yourself and believe in yourself, that yes, you did everything you could and you have no reason to carry any regrets with you.
There is no looking back. Remember that this is what your ex chose, this was his decision. Not yours, not anyone else’s. It wasn’t your fault, not even his fault. You both made mistakes. But trying to blame one person for everything that went wrong is just pointless.
The simple fact is you were not compatible. You both wanted something else. Something that you couldn’t provide for him, nor could he provide for you. It wasn’t fair to either one of you. You were both tired of pretending.
In the end, the best decision, the only decision, was to let each other go. You gave him what he wanted, which was to be free of you. It was the greatest act of love you could possibly give to him. I don’t think he will understand that for a long time.
But it’s his loss. I’m proud of you, that you had the courage to walk away. I always knew you had it in you. Even though you were deeply in love with him, I always admired that you had a strong independent nature. You were unstoppable, once you determined in your heart what you wanted. I’m so glad that you never lost that part of you.
You’re still that woman. And it’s time for you to shine. To look ahead to the future and to move past this chapter in your life.
I don’t want you to think of the past as a bad thing, or a mistake you made, or anything like that. You’re just hurting yourself when you think things like that. It’s unfair to you and to him.
Life is a learning experience. Nothing more. You reach out to someone, you trust someone, and then sometimes they disappoint you. It happens. But it should never reflect badly on you.
It may surprise you to know that I think of your kindness, your sincerity, and your love for other people to be some of your best qualities. You know we meet so many negative people in life. Selfish people. People that just don’t care.
And then there are people like you. People who care too much. People who put their heart into what they do. They put their whole heart and mind into a relationship. You love deeply. And the world is a better place because of you. You are the cure to all the madness. I’m happy that you are the way that you are. You give people hope. You work hard, you’re honest, and you’re always so upbeat. You make every room you’re in come alive.
Don’t ever change. Don’t lose sight of who you really are, just because of a bad experience.
Instead, I ask that you please forgive yourself. I know at the start of a breakup, we usually carry so much anger and grief. And I know you’re going through that right now. It’s okay to miss him, to grieve over what happened.
But don’t let it control you. Learn to forgive. Not for his own sake, but for yourself. At some point, you’re going to want to let all that go. All the guilt, all the regret, all the painful memories, everything.
You have to forgive him to move on with your own life. You have to forgive yourself and give yourself credit for trying so hard.
You made so much progress in this relationship, even though he didn’t. You proved to yourself you could commit, you could be in a serious relationship, and you could give your all to make a marriage work.
Don’t underestimate the value of that. From now on, I hope and pray that you can be as good to yourself as you were to him.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You’re so kind to everyone else. You need some self-love too. You need time to be kind to yourself and to rejuvenate.
Don’t see this time as a trial. Use it to search your heart. To understand what you really want out of life. I’ve seen a side you that few people have. Ambitious, powerful, in control. You can be that again. You can reach newer heights now that you’re free.
I know you can do it. You’re going to do great things this year. You’re going to get promoted, do amazing things, travel to faraway exotic places, and meet lots of new people.
And when you’re finally at the top of the mountain and feeling your best again, then you’re going to find someone that deserves you.
This time, I want you to do it differently. Don’t settle. Don’t be afraid of being alone. Because at some point soon, you’re going to realize how beautiful and how amazing you are. Guys adore you. Women want to be you. Any man would be honored to call you his girlfriend. You’re going to project that positive energy and have high self-confidence. You lost it once but now your focus is getting it back.
And I want you to hold onto that attitude of success and gratitude. Because at some point you’re going to figure out that “Yes, I can do better…” and from that point on you are going to hold men to a higher standard. You are going to wait until a man worthy of you gives you the attention you want.
This time you determine the rules and standards in the relationship. And I promise you this. If you can do this and put your heart into it, helping yourself the way you tried to help him? You are going to find real love and the next relationship is going to be the last one. The one that lasts forever.
So promise you’ll do that for me. As always, I will be here, ready to listen. Ready to remind you of how great you are, and how there’s only one direction to go now. Forward. Into the arms of someone who loves you as much as you love.