Open Letter to Every Woman.

An Open Letter to Every Woman Who Gave Too Much of Herself to the Wrong Guy

Dear ____,

I’ve been thinking a while on whether or not to write this letter. Please understand that the only reason I hesitated to send it was that I didn’t want to overstep my bounds and get involved in your business.

I know we’re friends, but at the same time, I know it’s your life and I don’t want to be one of those people that always offer unsolicited advice.

The reason why I decided to send this letter is that I think you need to hear this perspective. Maybe someone has already told and if I’m just repeating what others have said, I apologize. But you need to hear this at least once.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. Nobody thinks any differently of you, just because of what happened.

Here’s the truth. You tried your very best. You gave your all. You gave everything. And that was enough.

I know you did because I saw how much you loved him.

You must forgive yourself and believe in yourself, that yes, you did everything you could and you have no reason to carry any regrets with you.

There is no looking back. Remember that this is what your ex chose, this was his decision. Not yours, not anyone else’s. It wasn’t your fault, not even his fault. You both made mistakes. But trying to blame one person for everything that went wrong is just pointless.

The simple fact is you were not compatible. You both wanted something else. Something that you couldn’t provide for him, nor could he provide for you. It wasn’t fair to either one of you. You were both tired of pretending.

In the end, the best decision, the only decision, was to let each other go. You gave him what he wanted, which was to be free of you. It was the greatest act of love you could possibly give to him. I don’t think he will understand that for a long time.

But it’s his loss. I’m proud of you, that you had the courage to walk away. I always knew you had it in you. Even though you were deeply in love with him, I always admired that you had a strong independent nature. You were unstoppable, once you determined in your heart what you wanted. I’m so glad that you never lost that part of you.

You’re still that woman. And it’s time for you to shine. To look ahead to the future and to move past this chapter in your life.

I don’t want you to think of the past as a bad thing, or a mistake you made, or anything like that. You’re just hurting yourself when you think things like that. It’s unfair to you and to him.

Life is a learning experience. Nothing more. You reach out to someone, you trust someone, and then sometimes they disappoint you. It happens. But it should never reflect badly on you.

It may surprise you to know that I think of your kindness, your sincerity, and your love for other people to be some of your best qualities. You know we meet so many negative people in life. Selfish people. People that just don’t care.

And then there are people like you. People who care too much. People who put their heart into what they do. They put their whole heart and mind into a relationship. You love deeply. And the world is a better place because of you. You are the cure to all the madness. I’m happy that you are the way that you are. You give people hope. You work hard, you’re honest, and you’re always so upbeat. You make every room you’re in come alive.

Don’t ever change. Don’t lose sight of who you really are, just because of a bad experience.

Instead, I ask that you please forgive yourself. I know at the start of a breakup, we usually carry so much anger and grief. And I know you’re going through that right now. It’s okay to miss him, to grieve over what happened.

But don’t let it control you. Learn to forgive. Not for his own sake, but for yourself. At some point, you’re going to want to let all that go. All the guilt, all the regret, all the painful memories, everything.

You have to forgive him to move on with your own life. You have to forgive yourself and give yourself credit for trying so hard.

You made so much progress in this relationship, even though he didn’t. You proved to yourself you could commit, you could be in a serious relationship, and you could give your all to make a marriage work.

Don’t underestimate the value of that. From now on, I hope and pray that you can be as good to yourself as you were to him.

Don’t forget to be kind to yourself. You’re so kind to everyone else. You need some self-love too. You need time to be kind to yourself and to rejuvenate.

Don’t see this time as a trial. Use it to search your heart. To understand what you really want out of life. I’ve seen a side you that few people have. Ambitious, powerful, in control. You can be that again. You can reach newer heights now that you’re free.
I know you can do it. You’re going to do great things this year. You’re going to get promoted, do amazing things, travel to faraway exotic places, and meet lots of new people.

And when you’re finally at the top of the mountain and feeling your best again, then you’re going to find someone that deserves you.

This time, I want you to do it differently. Don’t settle. Don’t be afraid of being alone. Because at some point soon, you’re going to realize how beautiful and how amazing you are. Guys adore you. Women want to be you. Any man would be honored to call you his girlfriend. You’re going to project that positive energy and have high self-confidence. You lost it once but now your focus is getting it back.

And I want you to hold onto that attitude of success and gratitude. Because at some point you’re going to figure out that “Yes, I can do better…” and from that point on you are going to hold men to a higher standard. You are going to wait until a man worthy of you gives you the attention you want.

This time you determine the rules and standards in the relationship. And I promise you this. If you can do this and put your heart into it, helping yourself the way you tried to help him? You are going to find real love and the next relationship is going to be the last one. The one that lasts forever.

Please promise you’ll do that for me. As always, I will be here, ready to listen. Ready to remind you of how great you are, and how there’s only one direction to go now. Forward. Into the arms of someone who loves you as much as you love.




284 thoughts on “An Open Letter to Every Woman Who Gave Too Much of Herself to the Wrong Guy”

  1. Cortez, Nova Claire

    Thank you for the letter. I really appreciate it because it really good for me. And Ive learned alot. THANK YOU

        1. Thank you so much I really can’t believe how much this hit my heart .ive. Not ever heard such kind words . Thank you sooo much

          1. Thank you. That is a beautiful letter and it really hit home with me. I definitely needed the reassurance. God bless you

          2. I needed to hear those words today, I’m struggling with losing a man I truly loved. Thanks for giving me hope.

        2. Matthew. These words give a trauma bonded person so much comfort. It’s not what I hear a lot of. Mostly it’s how to go forward and forget. But you really get it. You can’t go forward til you can break free of all you’ve been through. Most don’t indrrstand the pain so thankyou for getting Into my head and my heart with this message. C

          1. I was in a 10 year, emotional mental and physical abusive marriage. I have Complex PTSD because of all the damage, I’m a divorced single mom and I hope everyday gets better for you like it is for me, the longer you don’t think of all the trauma and away from it, the better your life will be. I wish you the best, no one tells me much, but I’m telling you you are going to be ok

    1. Thank you Matthew for the letter I needed that I’ve had a 5-year long-distance whatever it was with a narcissist I was ghosted once years ago for 6 months but I got hoovered back now recently he’s been giving me the silent treatment for one week and I’m afraid it’s another ghosting I need to walk away and I needed to read that letter thank you

      1. Thank you Matthew.
        I needed to hear this. I read your emails daily. This one really hit home.
        I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist. For almost 7 years. Always thinking I could change him. I’m so broken hearted and afraid to date again. I’m not going to ever get my heart broken again. I can barely function.

        1. Ellen, you will see that there are wonderful men out there. I was in a marriage for 25 years and it kept getting worse. I broke away and reconnected with someone I dated 30 years ago. It’s long distance for now but he’s amazing and kind. It will be ok, hang in there. Matthew’s emails are great and I read them everyday too.

          1. I did get my heart broken. I wanted more than he did. I appreciated the letter. It reminds me we were not a fit and he is with someone now that is a fit. I still love him but I love myself more so I have moved on. Someone is out there to see I am a great catch. Thanks Matt!

          2. this is the first time i have read your email and WOW it felt like it was written just for me .
            Thank You

          3. This guy love bombed me and put me on an impossibly high pedastal – high romance and passion is bound to fade in 22 years. I trusted him with my life but he turned out to be a classic cliche. Started an affair with a woman close to his daughters age as he is not ready to be old. He is 62.
            I declined his offer of friendship as I do not think it is workable.

          4. Thank you so much for sending this out for those women who do give with all their heart and soul. I just went through this. I broke it off with him because I deserve better. I’m healing and I feel good about myself at this moment. That momentum will not change. But what will change is higher expectations and boundaries. Thank you again.

      2. I know it’s hard Terri. I don’t know you, we have similar stories. I didn’t know it’s different types of narcissis till I just read about it anywho. Just walk away. I’m learning that we will always love the person we’ve shared so many years with. But think that person who continues to walk in and out of your life is leaving because you are not what he wants at the time. And even though it hurts it’s okay. I walked away from me best friend/the person I was with for over 5 years. Yes I texted him, he responded. He was in and out of my life. Definitely not a bad person. It’s just I guess I wasn’t what he’s looking for and I’m learning it’s okay. I haven’t talked to him in 6 months, I was texting in the beginning so we could talk but I stopped. For once I chose me! And it’s the best feeling. Sometimes in relationships as women we focus on the man so much that we lose ourselves trying to always be there for him and meet his needs. It’s okay because we are nurtures. I chose me. I’m still going to choose me. Yes I miss him. I will always miss him. He was my best friend. I have to chose myself because I’m starting to see other people change abs when they are gone I’m left with just me. So I say Terri one day you will build up the strength to walk away. You will move on and you will cry, scream, but just know you are choosing you! And once you do that. The right person that’s meant for you will walk into your life and that will be your forever. I pray you read this and it helped you abs others reading it

          1. I didn’t know I was hurting until I read this, thank you so much Matt for these kind heart warm felt words. I found myself crying as I was reading the letter.

        1. Corinthiana Smith

          Thank you so much and you are so right because he’s not for me. This is so true and I said that same thing to myself. Moving on Corinthiana

        2. This doesn’t make any sense to me because I’m the person who loves him so much and I walked in and after everything he had been through and wanted to love him forever. He told me I was his soulmate and dumped me the next day. I’m finished.

      3. Shannon Mcconathy

        Terri how did you do it, I’ve been with a narcissist for 4 yes. But I’m not the main one but I’m the second one whom he let go for another, whom he was seeing with me and the main one. He’s made it clear, but I can’t seem to leave him alone. I will not let him say he wants to be faithful, then cont.to see her to. Its a spit in the face.

        1. I have been married to a narcissist for 34 yrs now. I have loved him unconditionally did everything for him and for him to to cheat and lie to me so much, I finally realized it’s time for me. (Self worth)I just can’t believe how much he has changed me not wanting to be with him anymore which I never thought I would feel.( love of my life) now that’s over! I’m still with him but we don’t do things together sleep in separate bedrooms. If I do find the man that is loving and caring like me, I will have no problem divorcing him. I’m 60 years old and it’s time I move on and do me now. I have caught him cheating with the same women 6 times now that is not love and I finally realized it’s all about people like him and I’m just a piece of trash he can just keep throwing in the trash! WELL I’m done!

          1. Hi Self Worth
            I was 35 years with my first love turned narc due to mental illlness. i saved money and planned my escape.
            If I can do it anyone can!!
            I’m owner building a house and remembering who I was again…. Do much peace and happiness
            I pray that for you too

          2. Wow girl you just wrote my life story the only difference is I’m 64 & married for 27 years & I’m his fourth wife. I really thought he was my true soulmate & best friend in the world only I was wrong. I’m moving on now & with a man I dated 45 years ago. Yea really! It won’t last he has heart problems & I’m here to make sure he’s happy & taken care of in his last journey of life. Then I’ll plan my last journey in life. I have lung cancer.
            God speed all & May God be with you all ❤️

          3. I have been in a marriage with a narcissistic for 30 years. I am working on trying to get out it’s hard I don’t know where I will end up. I really hope there is some one for me out there. We all deserve love real love I wish you all the best in the future.

      4. I’m going through this now I’ve not given him second chance as I keep looking at the grounds for why I called it a day he is a narcissist a good pretence of a ideal partner. actor in leading you to hell and bk again run and never look bk

        1. Seoasimhin NIC AOIDH

          After a few years have pasted l find myself with a personal trainer now mentor preparations for high altitude climbing adventures in the future. All going good until lm very much dragged back to my past SUDDENLY. My ex parked beside me at a supermarket out of the blue. So what RIGHT. Nothing in my life is straight FORWARD. I was with him for 16 years except it was domestic abuse financial physically and mentally emotionally torture. I started HAVING a panic attack straight away couldn’t hear anything my heart pounding in my ears hands shaking sweating frozen in the seat stuck in TIME. My breath was out of CONTROL l thought l was having a heart attack…….until my instincts remembered my hypnotherapy techniques instinctively l made up my own. Because of my training l swim in the ocean after each WORKOUT l imagined l was jumping in and the ocean surrounding me taking me away from the PRESENT perceived danger. My breath came back to normal l started to control the attack and quickly drove away before he came back out if the shop. Hugely disappointed this is still a issue my TRAINER is helping lm just tired of my past effecting my future l want to change my narrative have a relationship again ….l hate being asked why you didn’t LEAVE if only it was that simple you get brainwashed into thinking your isolated from family and friends no money no plan no home in a cage with no voice a shell supposedly l was in survival mode a shell 7 stone so skiny from so much stress for too long sometimes my spirit would LEAVE my BODY to escape the worst of the traumatic experiences l indured.
          I had 1 seed of HOPE to get out l took it in to the unknown . A few years on lm now dragged back there again l can’t give it ANYMORE time obviously l need too if lm still reacting to seeing him accident ly.
          I need to take a step forward just not sure in what direction……

          1. Thank you so much for this letter, greatest advice i’ve received. You are such a blessings to all the women like me,God bless you more Matthew❤️

          1. I wish I could share this letter. I hit rock bottom todsy. Been thinking about taking sleepy pills and ending it all.

        2. Thank you ill heal from this but one thing he’s not innocent narcissist will keep you guessing if anything was real so it is there fault

        3. WOW. thank you. thank you soooo much. i need to read these words again and again and let them sink deeply.

        4. Rosario I Jones

          Wow I am in here is exactly what I am myself going through I am 63 he 72 but he doesn’t stop cheating I gave him 9 years taken from me I can’t keep going is to much this make me feel better thank you

    2. Thanks so much I’ve only just ended a two year relationship, am completely devastated, & the realisation that it was me putting my all into the relationship hits hard
      He always loved his X and himself more than me
      I will be fine in time
      Your kind words have really helped me
      Thank you so much

    3. Thank you for your letter.
      I’m so grateful for setting here reading your encouragement words, you have lifted my spirits up and I give God the praises and I think you very much for writing this letter, everything you said was for me and I will definitely what is in side my heart GOD content to bless you guys

    4. Thank you. I’m saving this letter in case I need it. I’ve met a wonderful man but it’s a long distance relationship and We are trying to make it work.

    5. It is not easy when someone truelly disappoints you..I so wish I could meet somebody new. An open book. Every time I think of C it is just a disappointment. I can never forgive him. And so disappointed in the boss at work. But I will not continue there so I can tell her I dont trust her. I prefer casual relationships nowadays

    6. This was great and going to go through this probably soon and hope I can remember all you have written. Good advice but hard to take. When zi am ready will do just what your suggestions were, which were true. Thank you

    7. This letter says a lot to every woman in every situation. I’ve cried everyday for 4 months over a man who I know cared for me but was not over his failed marriage. I miss his voice and his touch everyday but I’m trying to take my power back and it’s hard because he was a twin flame AR soulmate. I don’t know why happiness is so hard but it is. Thank you for writing the letter.

    8. This letter says a lot to every woman in every situation. I’ve cried everyday for 4 months over a man who I know cared for me but was not over his failed marriage. I miss his voice and his touch everyday but I’m trying to take my power back and it’s hard because he was a twin flame an soulmate. I don’t know why happiness is so hard but it is. Thank you for writing the letter.

    9. Sherry Rainey

      You are so right on everything I’m going through that now!! This isn’t the first time your words have inspired me.
      Thank you

    10. Thank you very much for this very thoughtful ,sincere letter .I need it ,will help me to go through in this very difficult ,disappointed time .

    11. Thank you for your beautiful letter you gave me hope you Describes me perfectly I’m going to love me like I love him

      1. I really needed to read this. After two years with a man I loved he told me I was too fat too old and too ugly. Packed his stuff was gone in seconds. We had never had a fight. I worked day and night for him. He never said thank you or anything. I couldn’t believe he would treat me like that. I haven’t gotten over it

    12. Thanks for your letter of encouragement I’ve been through all that you mentioned and after a year of praying God sent a wonderful man into my life we got married September 17 and we are very happy and looking forward to a lifetime of happiness

    13. You could have written this to one who is trying to get over a affair with someone she loves with all her heart but who she will never stop loving despite the fact that she is married as is he as well . They know they can never be together even seeing each other with their mates with them does seem to ease the pain some.

    14. Thank you to encourage to think better of ourselves.
      My guy did not walk out my life, he chose the bottle over me and is now in jail.
      I have to believe I can do better.

    15. Amen! I needed to hear this because my heart was broken. I gave him to much of me except sexual relations. Thank you Matthew, Blessings!

    16. I’m 73 now I’m over all of this I’m alone and pl on staying that way I’m more happier now than ever no stress I can’t trust men anymore and I’m not sorry for that so I choose to be alone at my age yes I went through a horrible relationship more than once so I depend on God I can trust him completely thanks for the advice

    17. Thank You! Matthew Coast for the letter. I certainly appreciate the thoughtful kind loving words of forgiveness and love. I really am a good person with a giving loving heart and one who loves hard and gives All. Your letter all boils down to FORGIVENESS. As I Close the Doors to that part of my life with the Grace God has given me with Respect Honesty and Love. May God give me the strength to accept the things I cannot change. I know One Day, My Day Will Come. I Will Love Again, Because Love Always Win, With the Right Person. Thank You Always for your encouragement and the Light you carry. Verdie Maynus

    18. This is the kindness that I truly needed today. After 6 years just yesterday he decided he wants to be alone. Whatever that means, I’ve begged and pleaded for him to not leave me. I thought he was my forever. I am so lost I just am speechless.

    19. That was awesome and so needed today. Thank you. You are so right. As soon as I get through this; I am goi g forward to a much better life; one filled with love from someone who cherishes and deserves ne

    1. This is awesome. Something I will re read until it’s part of my spirit… I always ask why do I attract these types. But taking time to learn who I am, is the best advice. Than you

  2. Thanks enomously for this write-up. Am kind of at the brink of a break-up. I did put my all into the relationship but was taken for granted. Now it’s just to move on as you tightly said. Thanks again

  3. I am currently experiencing this because he was incapable of providing me with what Ibdeserved. I have faith that someone will make me

  4. Omg you hit nail on the head here my friend ok it’s happened.to me but trying so hard to move on with my life Ido and do still love my guy no matter what just hope pray he might come back but doubt it in my heart thank you don’t feel quite so bad now

  5. This came at the perfect time, I had loved too much, the relationship I was just in is described perfectly above, ended this weekend. Widowed last year I asked my late husband for help, then this letter came. Someone told me there is no such thing as coincidence. Thank you

  6. That was such a beautiful message, at such a perfect time as this. Thank you so much for letting God use you, to help woman heal. Your kind words of wisdom are a healing balm for my heart.

  7. Thank you so much,it’s was like you know what am going through right now.i really appreciate your advice and encouragement. I decided not to go into any relationship again but thank you.

  8. Wow amazing, that is what I wanted to hear,it really open my eyes
    And I did give this relationship my all 100%
    This was a one way relationship……
    Thank you !

  9. Thank you for your advice I was tempted to take my husband back. We are still married but have lived apart for almost 3 years.

    He was a repeated cheat and a control freak. I didn’t see it while we were together. My family all hate him for what he did to me. I also hated him for a time.

    We were together 27 years it has taken along time to get over the hurt and betrayal. He tells me he has changed. I want to believe it but after so many broken promises and lies I don’t know if I can ever trust him again. The last few years with him were so toxic.

    My son says we are much better apart and that I look way happier. I just feel sad that we ended up like this. I guess I must still love him or I would not have even considered his proposition.

  10. Thank you for this powerful affirmation. It arrived on the day when I will be doing exactly what you said. Moving forward in a brave new way. The road is open to new possibilities and I will not settle. I am ready. ❤️❤️❤️

  11. Thank you for this lovely, insightful letter, full of wisdom, hope and healing. It can be so difficult to pick yourself up again and just carry on when your world has been rocked to it’s very core. And hard to trust and have faith in your own judgements and choices once more as you meet new men.
    But Fortune favours the brave. So walk forward in the belief that tomorrow will be better.

  12. Sandra M. Waller

    Thank you for your lovely letter. My big sis n. family n friends have all told me in your letter n I always have a positive mental attitude n am agony aunt to everyone even strangers. I believe that things happen for a reason n are also lessons we need to learn. I’m strong n will never give up on finding true on conditional love n my soulmate n believe I will find it within the next year when it’s supposed to happen. So watch this space.

  13. Thank You Mr Coast,

    Your letter made me cry.
    Thank you, what a relief that someone somewhere out there understands.

    Love and peace to you

  14. Thanks so much for this. I am currently leaving a Narcissists and I am completely emotionally drained I needed those words to lift me back up. I know I fully loved him dearly and he is seeing someone else like nothing ever happened but I am staying alone and working on myself and my child. I gave him my everything to get scraps of love here and there and it’s definitely a painful experience.

  15. Thanks for this letter for me it is very timely I am going through a recent break up and was beating myself up. This letter is extremely helpful so thanks again….

  16. Thank you for this letter. I am this letter. Been told many times I’m to nice and giving. But don’t know how to change that. Pushed many people away in my life.Because they say no one is like this. What is your faults. You aren;t real. All because I care to much. This is very uplifting.

  17. No truer words were spoken that were me 3 years ago….: I am now about to celebrate my first anniversary with a truly wonderful Partner who I know would do anything for me

  18. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement,I really.neefed to hear that this morning..I will certainly keep.that in mind. I know I can do much better.Thank you so very much
    .With much gratitude.

  19. Thank you Matt! It’s really tremendous what you gave us women! Thank you for taking that part to take care of vulnerable and lost women, thank you for pointing the light to the darkest sides of paths! I promise will do as you require and follow all the plan a lifetime plan! Thank you for taking my anxiety and making it disappear and blast like a balloon! God is with you! Xx

  20. Thank you for this. I really needed reminding. I also needed this as my motivation to continue to be me. There is so much more that this letter means at this time in my life. I just want to say thank you and please don’t stop believing in us (women). I really do just want the love I deserve.

  21. Thank you so much for that letter. It spoke directly to my heart! I am moving on from that toxic relationship and letting it go! I put myself out there again, and a new honorable and compassionate man quietly walked into my life and he is helping me to get up, brush myself off and open my heart again to a new destiny with a wonderful man who understands and accepts me for who I am, and is gently encouraging me to love again!
    Your letter help me tremendously.
    Thank you Mat!

  22. Thank you. I am going to save this letter so every time I want to do what I did before, I will stop and read this letter. I guess I have to own that I was told from the beginning he didn’t want a relationship or commitment. Me, I thought I could change him. I did everything for him. I cooked, gave him presents, listened when he was going through things, had sex with him. I am moving to a new state soon and now, he tells me how much he loves me and will miss me. That is not it at all, he will miss all the things I have done for him and knows he won’t find anyone else who does all those things. I wish him all the best and I hope he finds someone special. It just isn’t me.

    1. sharon d ward

      OMG.. This is my story I’m sitting here crying knowing that someone out there has lived this story also I’m a BETTER person now Thank GOD, This letter really really helped me today Thanks to whoever wrote it Thank You i will be printing this and framing it so I can ALWAYS look at it and remind myself to keep loving myself FIRST. THANK YOU THANK YOU. Sharon

  23. I so needed to hear this. After 1 1/2 yrs of grieving my marriage of 20 yrs and having to start over in my 60’s, and still settling for crumbs from him, a man who cheated on me for around 5 yrs (I didn’t know), I REALLY NEED TO MOVE ON. Super duper scary, but thank you so much for this encouragement. You are a wonderful person and you have helped me when I feel I can’t go on, feeling so so alone and a failure. God bless you, Mathew❤️

    1. You are not alone there are lots of us out here who have gone through this.peace to you…you will be ok we all will be when we don’t settle and realize it’s their loss..we deserve better.

  24. Thank you so very much for this letter. I like the previous person who replied will keep this letter and will reflect on it when I feel myself allowing anyone to under appreciate my worth. I have been working on loving me, forgiving me, and accepting me for me. Some days are more challenging than others. I am proud to say while I’m not completely their, I’m so far from where I was and used to be. Life is so unpredictable and should never be taken for granted. I know now in order to give love, healthy love that is;you have to be health in mind, spirit, and soul. Sometimes in most cases that requires self healing. So again thank you and please keep the positive reinforcement coming.

  25. I am contemplating ending my marriage. I have thought about it before, but esp. these last two years. We have been married for 15 years.

    Thank you for this letter, whIch I will use to help me reflect on things whilst I have a few days off work. Maybe it will help me to make a decision.

  26. Thank you for this mind openiing letter. I feel that rjght now, loving so much but i broke up with him.Maybe we are not really meant for each other…l learned so much from this open letter to women thank you….

  27. Our hearts take us in many directions. It hard to recognize in the heat of love that we have valid need to be met. All of our needs are different. We try, sometimes to make someone meet our needs. What we should be looking for is someone who wants to meet our needs who asks us what we need and tells us what they need. That, to me, seems like a working relationship. Don’t kill yourself to make it happen. With the right person will want to make the effort to make sure each other is happy. Then it flows slowly but surely into an amazing union. That’s what I want.

  28. Thanks I need to hear that. But I don’t understand why I cannot stop thinking about him. I moved in with him in 92 and left it moved out in 93 I had to leave he owned a club had to move out because I had two girls I had to leave I met up with him again in 2018 I moved in with him in 2019 in 2020 I moved out he we could not get along he’s to me he is a narcissistic so but I love him thank you

  29. Thanks Met for this open letter; it was just what I needed to hear! I’m much more worth than what I think of myself. I’m working on loving and accepting myself just as I am.

  30. Thank u for the letter. Its an eye opener fir me as well cos i always thought he would soon wake up nd smell the coffee but i think he has taken me for granted but its time for me to say gudbye nd move on. Thank you once again

  31. Hello there
    Thank you so much for taking time to write this lettet to us. It really felt like it helped me . Appreciate really.
    Light, love and blessings to you.
    Kind regards. J

  32. WOW! I really needed to hear this Matthew! Thank you so much for taking the time to write this. I need to read it again so it could really sink in.

  33. 2 1/2 years ago I put a stop to what had been a nightmare of a relationship for around 6 months. I kept hoping that he would return to the kind, Loving man he was when I fell deeply in Love with him. He had gone from an amazing man to a common criminal and was trying to get my ID involved in his crimes. I walked, hurt, but fed up. I have fallen head over heels for MY IDEAL MAN in the past few months and want to spend the remainder of my life Loving him and being as he says “HIS WOMAN “ lol. We have a beautiful connection and want the same things out of our beautiful relationship. Our main objective is to LOVE and BE LOVED. My life has never known such LOVE or HAPPINESS. My problem is with a couple of friends that are going overboard with their thoughts on how I am going to be used and hurt terribly. They don’t know My Love, I feel that I do know him, very well. He has never lied to me or been harsh in any way, just a tender loving addition to my life. I finally told these women that they were no longer welcome in my home , especially since they are hell bend on me hearing their negative chit about someone I love. They say because I was in a pretty bad situation before that I am bound to get the same results this time. That’s not true to me and I am going to keep Loving Who I have chosen. One last thing I want to share with you is that yesterday I received a letter of apology from the criminal saying how sorry he is for the way he treated me. Even said I didn’t deserve what he pulled on me .. . . Haha I knew that all along

    1. Let’s heal together and hopefully I will let go of my pain soon. I cared and long for him every moment. I need to have a courage to move on

  34. My God is great, and so are you..
    Thank you for this message as I heal.
    It was though you spoke me, in the same way God is speaking to my heart. God bless you, and all the women going through a

  35. I’ve been working on this for one and a half months now even though we were still togeather. I decided on the 13th of Feb I was completely done. He says no one will love me like him….I said your right they will love me better. He is a narcissist and a Cancer so double whammy I had to deal with over & over. Thank you for having all womans backs!

    1. Very good letter and oh to true too. I’ve been divorced and I also lost
      A husband after 32 years due to cancer ! It
      Wasn’t there best relationship ever and I tolerated a lot for all those yrs , but I had the “ hell no , I won’t go “idea in my head and made it work right till the very end . After over a yr I got lonely and put myself out there , as an old
      Gal now , it wasn’t an easy thing to do . But I have found love again …. and feel love like I have never ever had in my life ! Wow … he’s exactly what I was missing , even craving … all
      My adult life . I know myself and know what I like and and need not afraid to say it . I’m lucky he loves the same way and we have zero conflict … only a very good life . So now this old
      Gal can walk thru life with a huge smile on her face and nothing but love in her heart . I love your messages and they are very well written and very helpful . Thank you for all that
      You do to help us !

  36. Thank you. This process has not been easy for me. Every time I said goodbye.. we were back together again. and every time he left, I was miserable again. The roller coaster ride is killing me. I need to print this and put it on my refrigerator and my nightstand. Sometimes, even that person that feels right is not right for you.

  37. Thank you for this letter. It was exactly what I needed to hear today. My prayer is I find someone worthy of my love. I am still waiting for my soulmate.

  38. Thank you for the lovely words, that ring very true, I was married to a narcissistic person for 29 years. When his family stopped talking to me, I started to realise what he was doing to me through a counsellor.

    I ended up leaving him going to my parents house and now has a house of my own.

  39. Such a beautiful letter. I was married for 26 years and he found another woman and had the nerve to bring her into the house when I was home. That is the pass and I have moved on. Those words were so beautiful . Thank you

  40. wow, that really spoke to me.
    I am going to make a copy so I can keep reading it when I feel depressed and alone.
    Thank you, Matt

  41. Malikatah Johnson

    I felt inside my heart that this letter was for me. Wow! I cried the entire time reading this. Thank so much.. l needed to hear this. Again. Thank you so much and God bless you

  42. I so much needed to hear those words!! Thank You!! I’m going to make it my Goal to be the person I truly am…..

  43. Thank you for being a voice of reason. You spoke to my soul and my situation too. Cheers to all these wonderful women of courage who have also commented. Keep strong and forge ahead.
    May God bless and reward you Matthew for your work and ministry to us women.

  44. This could not have come at a better time. The Universe is working and I do believe that what is written here is true. Thank you for this. Thank you for sharing. Thank you for caring. ❤️

  45. Wow. Thank you so much. This popped up at the right time for me. Thank you for writing this letter.

  46. I really needed to read this letter right now. I was back to feeling lonely and unworthy of finding someone who loves me for me. I was in a long marriage with an abuser whom I thought I could help. Then I started dating and got burned by user of a different sort that didn’t show it until a few months into the relationship. I was doubting myself that I was nothing but an idiot. Now I realize that I deserve to be happy. I will be happy on my terms and I am much stronger and mature now then ever before. Your words gave me power for my heart. Nothing can be much better than that. Thank you.

  47. Thank you. Felt like you actually knew me. Lol What’s harder is when you have children with them because your children go through this heartache too. It is hard to watch my children at night cry because they want their daddy.

  48. Matthew,
    Thank you so much for the sweetest letter, I will keep it and read it often, a lot of us women need this to remind each of us the power we hold from within and to stop settling for someone who doesn’t care or even want us, which I see pretty quickly from the start, and I will take your words to heart

    Thank You

  49. Exactly what I needed ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ Gave me a huge boost. I knew I had it in me just needed a nudging. Thank you from the bottom of my heart

  50. Thank you. This email came just in time. Well I gave him another chance and well it only lasted a month. He went back to the girl he cheated and moved in with the first time. And I was feeling down until I read this email. It really gave me hope.

  51. Matthew, it’s like you were standing outside my window looking in at my life. So much energy, time, and so many years have gone and passed me by. I’ve been so afraid that the best years of myself were gone, but now that I read your open letter, I feel I have some clarity and hope that things will start looking up for me again and soon.

  52. Michelle Smith

    Thank you for this letter. After divorcing my covert narcissist ex husband I had an on/off relationship with a guy I knew wasn’t right for me in many ways despite how much I liked him. I had the strength to say the relationship wasn’t right and not what I was looking for and leave. I have now met and been with a guy for 6
    Months who is everything I’ve ever wanted, I never thought I would find that and I’m so happy. I believe this is because my mindset shifted…I did not NEED a partner, I was happy, confident, secure and self sufficient on my own and I would rather be on my own than in the wrong relationship. Then suddenly out of nowhere the right one came along when I least expected it. I hope this is forever.

  53. Olorundare Rosemary

    This letter came at the nick of time when I was blaming myself for having put so much in a marriage of 17 years and beginning to feel less of myself. Thanks Matt you’re truly an Angel

  54. You literally brought me to tears. 3 failed engagements and countless failed relationships and turning 49 soon with no one, well I’ve been feeling it. I’ve always poured everything I had into all of them and received nothing in return. I always felt it was me. Now thanks to you I see it wasn’t. Yes, in my sake due to cheating it was more so him, but it was because of us. We weren’t meant to be. Your definitely right, you have to learn to love yourself before really loving someone else. Thank you.

  55. Francisca Tetzlaff

    Thank you that’s was awesome really needed to hear thatYes gave him my %100 . And never got it back.

  56. Hi Matthew,
    This is absolutely beautiful and amazing! Bless you a lot! Although this letter is “ universal “ it is as if it was sent for me to read at the perfect time and place in my life! It’s as if it is the conclusion of the old life that I have left behind! Again, Thank you! This story is so real and so true for many! Ladies, just a quick reminder……….. “ Keep doing your inner work!” Like Mathew says, “ Love yourself” best and it time the love of your life will become naturally drawn to you! Have a beautiful and blessed day everyone and best of luck in your future life journey!
    Tammy G

  57. Awww so emotional…. I really needed to hear every word put down in this letter
    A broken heart needs to read this letter a million times
    Thank you Mathew

  58. Tnx big about those encouraging awesome words.i appreciate big your services.long live Mathew.u really lift up our broken hearts, big ups.

  59. Thank you Matthew! <3

    That was beautiful and made me cry. I was married for 30 yrs to a one-sided, verbally, mentally and finally physically abusive man. It was his way or the highway. So I took the highway, even letting him have the house. I held my head up and took it as a silver lining which led me to learn my value and worth.

    Hoping I find my soulmate for a real true commitment.

    Lots of love <3<3<3

  60. Who knew an open letter could make me cry! It was everything I needed to hear. I am a therapist and made some big mistakes in my own relationship by not setting “girlfriend boundaries” and responded more like a therapist which allowed him to take advantage and walk all over me, turning me into a shell of myself. I DESERVE BETTER! I know he still loves me but anyone with mental health issues expects you to give up parts of yourself to make them feel better. Until they get the help they need ( not from your partner) nothing will change.

  61. Colleen Terese

    This is exactly what I needed to read. . . I know that I am all these things and looking forward to the healing process. He is a widow of 17 years this year, we dated for 10 years, only to be let down by him for the second time. There will be no third time. I feel sorry for the next woman he does this to because he cannot heal from his past and move forward, but I am. Thank you again for the letter.

  62. Matt,
    I thank God for using Your heart and insight to help heal so many hearts.
    Your timing is impeccable. I needed to hear these words of hope, healing and encouragement in the worst way today.
    I want to start a new chapter, let go the pain and go forward never forgetting that I am worthy to be loved in the same amazing way that I want to love. I am starting the first day of the rest of my life!!
    Thank you so much.

  63. Thanks Matthew. I love this feeling I got from your letter of love gratitude all round n I love the calm in my heart ♥️

  64. I so needed to receive this. I filed for a divorce this time last year and every word of this letter is me. It’s been so hard to admit any of this out loud to anyone least of all myself. I struggled for the first six months or more trying to talk myself out of it, I didn’t even tell my family until two months ago for fear they would have talked me out of it. I have finally begun to see how this can and is the best thing to do for myself. It will take time, but in the long run I will be better for it.


  66. Thank you for the letter. It is so difficult to really take a hard look, comprehend and walk away. It’s a trip down futility lane realizing all the promises to change were wasted words of manipulation. I gave up everything I had including myself to move to a foreign country. Now back in the US I live in the ruins and have started over. It hurts but the lesson is grand. The best part is raising the standards very high and if no one can meet them I still have myself. My intention is to be my best version.

  67. This letter made me smile because it’s so true. Thank you for the letter. I found myself and who I was near the end of my 17yr marriage. I ended my marriage after 17yrs. I had to walk away because I knew my kids and I deserved better. It was the best thing I could have done for me or my children. I forgave my ex a long time ago because it helped me move on to a better life for myself and my kids.
    I was able to find myself and be me within my first year of separation. I wasn’t afraid to be alone anymore, to start over, to just do things for me and my kids. Ive been divorced now for almost a year.
    I met My Love, the love of my life. I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to come into my life. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been and everyday I smile. Everyday is brighter than the last.
    If I can do it you can do it too. Things will get better. Believe in yourself, your own strength

  68. This is exactly what I needed to read.thank you.now I just need to get the strength to walk away from a toxic situation .

  69. How uncanny that you should send such a beautiful letter just at the time I needed it so badly. You don’t know me but your words went straight to my heart. I guess I needed a “little brother ” to set me straight about what I deserve in life I thank you profoundly, Janet S.

  70. Matthew, I cannot thank you enough for this letter. I felt every word that was penned..! Through floods of tears it was like reading the story of my life . I want to you to know that an action as simple as reading this had made me realise it’s time to close this novel and begin to write the new story of my life still with the main character ( me) but now she has a new superpower and that superpower is self love ..!

  71. Wow! This is such an empowering letter! Thank you for writing this and inspiring continued movement forward to a better tomorrow.

  72. Yes everything you said is true and i had to learn that
    Myself am not upset with him because it taught me
    Self love and everything i will and not take from a
    Man because i am worth so much more and i forgave
    Myself and him it has taught me some valuable
    Lesson. And i think him for that

  73. This is so helpful and a reminder of a positive affirmation of being worth it! I am at the point of rebuilding and moving forward and it’s reading things like this that keeps the focus on yes learning from the past but focussing on the future! Thank you

  74. OMG! What a wonderful letter! I feel 2 inches taller! Thank you for caring for us who are building strong heart muscles to choose a good deserving man!
    Big hugs,
    Letty from Texas

  75. This letter couldn’t have come at a better time! I am grateful for being a part of this community. I have learned so much from you Matthew, that there is no way I could never repay you for the lessons I’ve learned!! The grace of God lead to your channel. This letter confirms it even more!! Many blessing to you and your family!!

  76. How do you know if he’s the wrong guy? What if he’s the right guy and you leave and then it was the right guy and in a bit more time things would have worked out but you left? I can’t handle the risk and the hurt of letting go if he is the right one. And if he’s not, how do I know for sure?

  77. Thank you Matthew for this beautiful letter, and for you’re kind and encouraging words. you are Awesome! God bless you and you’re Family. Thank you so much!

  78. I wasted 18 years trying to make somebody happy and you hit the nail on the hammer I did everything I could do till finally this year I said that’s the math and I walked away and now it’s been almost 7 months and truly have felt this happy in a long time

  79. Matt, thank you for this beautifully written letter. You touched the heart strings of a lot of women’s hearts Next week I will turn 52 and am still single after 17 yrs because I am unwilling to accept anything , but God’s best. Something you said in your letter reminded me of something I said to the man I loved. That I loved him enough to say no and then to let him go.. I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I am meant to be loved and not treated as though I am less than what my father created me to be . Why wld I want a man in my life who doesn’t love me enough to show up and be mentally, emotionally, and physically present? I wldn’t. My father wants nothing but the best for me and the best is soon to come. Thank you for such an uplifting letter. May God bless you abundantly

  80. Patricia Doorenbos

    Thank you for that advice I tried too many times for love I’ve come to realize I’m Not Meant For Love so I’m just going to push that part out of me I don’t want to try love anyone anymore I’m tired of being hurt I almost got this like really couldn’t afford right now anyway chemo takes enough of my money let’s spend the money on it never find love anyway I’m unlovable

  81. I really appreciated this letter and I have done just as you said. I moved in and found a man that does deserve me and me him. We are absolutely blissfully in love with each other and we are the last loves if our lives. We both believe this. We had to go thru what we did to get to this point to be what we are to each other.. everything. God bless you and all those out there going thru the process. It will be worth it in the end, never forget that.

  82. Thank you Mathew. Needed to hear this. I had a traumatic childhood and growing up. Same patterns over and over again.
    Been working on my self worth yet again. I’ll certainly do things differently from now on. Thankfully the man was honest enough if a little too late in telling me he didn’t want a commitment after I started having feelings for him. And he pulled away after I told him.
    Been struggling ever since. He told me it’s not my fault. Just we want different things and he cannot give me what I want.
    Just starting a new job. But still feeling very bruised.

  83. I’m half way up the mountain.. his decision not mine. I am going to be so much stronger at the end of all this and the view at the top will be amazing. Thank you for this letter. I will be saving it and re reading it when I need to.

  84. I really do need this letter at the moment, I’m still grieving after my ex, but reading this letter makes it so clear to me now. I’m going to move on slowly and yes I will get there and yes I will find my true soulmate. Thank you from the bottom of my heart ❤️.

  85. Thank uou for this letter. Its an eye opener. Im with this guy. Heard excuses after another. Only chat nd meet only wen it suits him. Now im ready to let go nd be myself

  86. Thank you Matthew,
    Everyday I read your emails but this one touched me like no other, I’ve spent the last 3 years trying to rebuild myself of a lifetime of heart ache, I’m not quite there yet but this letter struck a chord with me. It’s something that I can keep coming back to & I’m positive it will remind me every time I read it to keep going forward & my time will come to meet that someone special who will make me feel the way that I should be made feel as I have so much love to give to the right person & not the wrong one this time.

    Thank you
    Donna xx

  87. I still love that man so much
    He was my prince my Brad Pitt
    But he is not someone for a relationship
    I think his ex wife damaged him and that’s why he don’t wants to love again
    Maybe I needed this to leave my husband in a unhappy mariage
    Thank you Luc I’ ll never forget you x

  88. Thank you so much for this letter. It was like you were talking directly to me. You are right anyone who has been in this situation deserves so much better.

  89. It’s a great letter and I’m going to forgive myself and start showing myself the love and kindness I poured into him. He’s devistated me again and after five years I have to be done ☑️ I honestly am afraid if I keep pursuing him , eventually he’s going to kill me if he hasn’t already started the process . At first I thought him to be a sadist physco but now I understand he’s a covert narcissist with PTSD , from his childhood drama the things he’s done to me are so bizarre I don’t even know how someone’s brain can think n operate like his did. I think I’m a stay single for a while now and just focus on me. Thank you for your encouraging letter … sadly I’m tapping out, throwing in the towel and moving on ! It’s very hard but I’m a try my best to let him go for good

  90. Wow… what a positive, inspiring, kind and thoughtful letter! It really spoke volumes to me while reading it. I definitely needed this right now. Thank you Matt!

  91. Isnt it crazy to think that one “Open Letter” feels like someone wrote it just for us. The feeling of being all alone, we arent, look at how many of us felt this letter deep. I was crying by the third line of reading, thinking to myself “OMG, this is so me”….I think as woman, we never give ourselves enough credit for WHO and WHAT we are, I know I sure dont! THANK YOU for this Letter, Hugs to all others.

  92. Kimberly Rogers

    I could not believe how much this letter was so close to how my life really is right now. Thank you for that. I definitely needed to hear that. I get it and I will be me again.

  93. What a beautiful letter from God, using you, Matthew! Thank you!
    Having been through these relationships more than I care to realize – two marriages, once for 20 years to a major narcissist, and the second for 10 years to a covert narcissist and controller, I am FINALLY free and know that I don’t need a man to complete me! I don’t need a man to make me whole! I AM WHOLE! I am a high value woman, who knows her worth, and makes her own decisions. I don’t need a man to make things happen for me, or to make me feel loved. I can love myself, and know that God loves me, just the way I am. If and when, the extraordinary gentleman comes into my life that wants to love me also, and I love him, that will be good. But if that doesn’t happen, my life will not be incomplete. I always thought I had to have that to be complete, but now I realize that I do not.
    I actually think that is what your letter says. It says that we are whole and worthy all on our own. Right? And that we don’t need to feel guilt, shame or anything negative for believing in the love we thought was forever that wasn’t. We can move forward and do it with complete grace.
    Thank you!

  94. That was such a beautiful massage. It’s specially for couples and single mom like me. This massages really touch my heart. Honestly I am really going to a situation like this. I am now learning to grow my future while I am in the street. I am fighting my ass out to get out of this darkness.. I am asking for you guys prayers and please keep me in prayer and may the Lord bless you guy’s

  95. This letter has hit me. I’m recently going through separation after 20yrs of marriage my husband walked out to be with his best friends wife after his death less then 5 months. Hes the love of my life and we have 3 children together. It’s hard to make my heart stop loving him. This letter has started to open my eyes that I need to better for myself and my children. Just wonder how to make the heart stop loving him and walk away to move on for the better???

  96. Thank you Matthew
    You must have wings to have written this. Uncanny how personal this feels and so universally felt by all of us.
    Cathartic and healing message.
    Bless you!

  97. This letter is so true and right on point. If your man cant love you back fully the way you love him, Its time to move on and let go. nobody deserves to feel less than.. A man always tries to put the blame and fault on the woman. Cause it makes them look and feel better about themselves. But the real truth is he always knows deep inside it was him along.. I been going through the same situation and i have given it my all plus some and it still wasn’t good enough. He still lie to my face about him having affair was a close member of the family.. So i have decided to let him keep doing his dirty secrets and just move out after i got enough money up and karma is a very ugly thing ..The Heavenly Father will take care of the rest. I can assure you of this. Just sat back and watch ..In the meantime keep your head up..My prayers are with you and rememeber Jesus Loves you unconditionally…

  98. Thank you Matt! Such a beautiful letter to every woman. I really appreciated this so much! And thank you so much for your beautiful heart! You are truly so special! ❤

  99. Matthew, I cannot thank you enough for this letter. It was as if you were following me around for the past couple of weeks and saw what happened. Your letter was very uplifting and encouraging. Thank you a million times!! P.S. Are you taken?

  100. Thank you for the letter. I do feel better about myself. I just wonder why I am still wanting to cry? I haven’t been this happy in months. I will admit I have had some bad guys to hurt me again but at least I wasn’t percent invested in them. I was able to just except & go on.
    I really appreciate everything you do.

    1. Everything you wrote is so true. I had the most wonderful relationship. Then he wanted something sexual that I wasn’t comfortable with. He talked about from the beginning. I finally asked what he would do if I never said yes. He said he would find someone who would do what he wanted. With tears streaming down my face I drove away.
      It’s been a few years and now he realizes what he had with me. He’s apologized repeatedly. I’m willing to be friends. But you are right!! I deserve better!!

  101. I have to agree with these other ladies that your letter was very up lifting and sentiments was spot on. A very beautiful letter if ever.

  102. Hi Matthew,
    I feel your “Open Letter” is an eye opener for me. It inspires me and give me motivation and idea how to push up my standards and be a high valued woman. You’re a gem Matthew
    Thank you so much.
    Kind regards,

  103. Pearlie Marshall

    Thank you so very much,
    The universe really does give you what you need when you need it…what am I saying I believe in a much higher power (God). Thank you once again for confirming .
    Thank you,


  104. Matthew, I read this every day & cry. I love him so much. But that love isn’t given back to me.
    Thank you for this, someday it will help me.

  105. thank you, Matt for the uplifting, encouraging and most needed kind heartfelt words in this letter. There are so many women (including myself and men) who need just this in their lives right now, today. You are most kind, caring and blessed person that I have ever known. I will always continue to read your words. May God himself continue to bless you in your calling. Thank you.

  106. I appreciate this letter because it describes how I have given all of myself more than he deserved. I felt bad that it did not work but, like you said we were not compatable and I have to forgive myself and move on. Thank you this was very encouraging and what I needed to hear.

  107. I find this really hurtful. ‘To be free of you’ makes it sound like I’m the problem when the truth is I fell in love and was abused and coercively controlled. But yeah let him have his way and be free of me?! How is that helpful? Makes me feel worse.

  108. Wow this post popped up in my phone at the exact moment I was feeling like I could have done a better job in fighting for my relationship cause of loneliness and memories of the love I had for him . But I realized that he probably never really loved me cause if you love someone you don’t give up that easily especially if you claim to love someone and appreciate them. Knowing you made heartbreaking decisions. Thank you so much for this it came at the best time of my recovery from lost love

  109. Thank you for writing this it came just in time in my life. Yes I’m in tears. Thank you again.
    Always…cry baby

  110. Thank you for this open letter Matt…..It was exactly what I needed to hear today after ending my relationship. It made me feel good❣️

  111. Thanks so much for this Matth! So on point and all details are clear and resonating! Greatly appreciate it and such a timely letter! All the best <3

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