Is It Love? Here Are the Signs

You like him. He’s sweet. Or maybe he’s rugged and intense. You like him, you love him. Sure, you could marry him.

But then again, you could marry a lot of different guys and be happy. The real question is, how do you know if this is true love? How do you know if this guy is really the one that’s going to make you forsake all others and become a happily married woman, mother and someday, grandmother?

How does anyone make that decision? Is it all just random? Do some women really just marry the first guy that comes along at the right time?

Uh oh, too much existential dread for you? Don’t worry…I believe the answer is a definitive no. Women in successful marriages do not marry impulsively or because of convenience. I think in most cases, as in successful marriages that last a lifetime, it really is true love. They know it’s love. They feel a love so intense, they just know they’ve met the right one – that is, the man they are going to marry.

If you aren’t sure if the guy you’re dating or living with is “the one”, then it’s time to ask some challenging questions. Here are five signs that will absolutely prove that this is real love.

1. You’re not a newbie. You know exactly the type of man you’re looking for.

Obviously, girls who jump into an intimate relationship at a young age (or who haven’t had many relationships in life) haven’t experienced much, and haven’t learned important relationship lessons. Jumping into marriage right away may leave a girl in want of something, whether it’s sexual experimentation, or emotional fulfillment, more intellectual conversation, and the like. In other words, she doesn’t know quite know what she wants. This is why love comes more easily to a woman who has had previous relationships and immediately knows what she wants and what she doesn’t want.

Love is not much of a mystery then because she’s already learned herself and learned lessons the hard way. Maybe to her, love is honesty. Love is kindness. Love is a man both strong and sensitive. Or maybe it’s a man who makes her laugh and connects intellectually. Whatever it is, she knows it’s love because this is the wonderful opposite of everything she didn’t want.

So let’s say, that if you can point to ten guys out there and say “That is exactly what I don’t want! But this guy right here…he is what I want!” then you have the right idea.

2. The chemistry is strong, not just sexually but emotionally and spiritually.

Live Science had an interesting article a while back suggesting that there are discernible differences between a brain that’s in love vs. a brain that’s merely in lust. There is a certain “mysterious chemistry” that activates when two ideal matches meet and fall in love. If you are unsure of whether this nice guy is really the love of your life, there’s a good chance that he’s NOT. If you don’t feel the exciting chemistry then maybe deep down you know there’s something lacking.

But it’s not just sexual chemistry we’re talking about. Sexual chemistry is secondary to emotional chemistry, or what I call “spiritual chemistry” – that is your idea match according to matching values, matching goals and a matching lifestyle. When you meet a guy who wants the same things you want in life it’s so much easier to stay together. You instantly feel a strong connection that’s well beyond just sexual attraction. The more you grow, the closer you become.

3. You are good friends first…you trust each other from experience, not just words.

Why does everyone make a big deal about being friends first? Possibly because getting to know someone platonically before jumping into a sexual relationship is a protection from what psychologists call “Love Bombing.” Narcissistic and “player” personalities frequently use this tactic to seduce vulnerable women and make them think they’re falling in love fast. A soul mate, right? Not so much…

A friend doesn’t “love bomb”. He takes it slow because he respects you and doesn’t prey upon your vulnerability. He’s not just interested in sex or in finding a wife ASAP. He values you as a person and has come to appreciate you as an equal. This is precisely why dating coaches, including yours truly, warns women against sleeping with a guy too soon. Make him a friend first so that he will have to work harder to advance the relationship. Yes, feel an emotional connection!

4. Your life is the best it’s ever been!

It’s easy to tell when a relationship is toxic: you don’t like the person you’ve become, just to please your boyfriend or husband. You mostly take care of him rather than becoming the grown-up and successful woman you’ve always to be.

On the other hand, when you’re with a man you truly love, you are living life to the fullest! Your career is going well because he supports you. He is independent enough to not hinder your progress, but always willing to help. He believes in you just like you believe in him. However, your mutual independence helps the both of you stay strong. This is what makes the marriage function so well because you enjoy each other’s company. You don’t need each other to feel validated…you’re simply both happy on your own and so you double that happiness when you’re together!

5. This is not just like or conditional love…this is a strong bond that will never be broken.

We’re always taught that love is conditional and that we bring a sense of trade to relationships. You love him as long as he’s faithful. He loves you as long as you keep things interesting. Well, that may be how love starts. But as love grows, you begin to truly deepen the love you have with your partner. It stops being about “love as long as you…” and more along the lines of, “I would never do anything to hurt you because I love you unconditionally.”

When you love someone unconditionally you see the purity of their soul, the truth of his heart. Your relationship may have its ups and downs but you love him despite these hardships. You forgive freely. You let things go. You apologize as much as necessary because keeping the loving bond between you is more important than your ego or getting what you want.

It’s not just you either, it’s him too. The both of you work hard to keep the relationship going because your love is unconditional. Most of all, you want each other to be happy. If that means saying goodbye so be it. You love him enough to let him go. If that means staying together and working through your problems, against all odds, then so be it! You love him that much, he loves you that much.

That’s the special kind of love that comes around once in a lifetime!

40 Flirty Texts That Men Absolutely Love

If you’re struggling to figure out what to say to your man to bring you closer together, I’ve put together a guide of 40 fun and flirty text messages that will spark a stronger and deeper desire in whatever man you use them with.

If you don’t know what to say to your man, use these “cut and paste” text messages from my free guide and watch how much he absolutely loves it!

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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