The Number One Secret to Getting Your Ex Back

In other articles here, we’ve discussed what happens if you CAN’T get your ex back, even after using some of our best techniques. Look, no one can promise you anything, because at some point the guy has to decide for himself, I still love her.

And it’s not going to be because of any seductive technique or mind trick. You can’t coerce or force his love for you. You want him to love you and that’s the dynamic you must take moving forward. If you’re going to win back his love and get that ex back it’s going to be because

(A) He remembers how much he loves you

(B) You’re going to get busy BEING that woman he’s still in love with.

That’s the best strategy and the only way of getting your ex back that actually works. Because even if you do memorize 100 Jedi mind tricks (or whatever else you want to call them) he will eventually break free from that “trance” and realize…

“Hey she’s manipulating me to stay and I don’t want to stay!”

So it’s NEVER going to be about deceiving him, or guilting him, or begging him, or mind-f*cking him (pardon my French). The ONLY way to win him back is to focus on self-improvement and in becoming the woman that he wants. The woman he always loved, but who is now even BETTER than he remembers her.

So let’s discuss the number one secret to winning back your ex. It also happens to be the secret to LIVING HAPPILY after your ex moves on.

Here it is. You must detox from your ex.

Detox

This is the most important part of “moving on” and living happily, even after your ex has rejected you. In fact, you should cease all contact with your ex as soon as possible after the break up. This sends a strong message to YOU and HIM.

The old relationship is over. You are both moving on. This immediately gets rid of any neediness, clinginess or desperation that men dislike in women. They WANT you to understand the break up is real and that you’re not getting back together. They want you to accept it and be mature about it—even though it does hurt tremendously.

Don’t play the guy’s macho game. Don’t be “friends”, don’t be tough about it or suffer in silence. Just GO. Leave. Let him know that it’s over and mean it. Take an extended vacation from him, his online persona, and every physical object that reminds you of him. This is the DETOX stage and it’s just as important as drug rehab, if you’re feeling “addicted” to him.

I know it sounds funny…but YES you can definitely be addicted to a toxic relationship. And if you ever want him back, and you ever want the relationship to change, the detox stage is important. No contact, no exceptions, for as long as possible.

Rebirth

You must go back to the way you were BEFORE you and the ex were together. This is probably MORE important than the next stage…which is where a lot of women fast-forward to, without giving this stage more time. You must go back to being the person you used to be, rather than the confused person you currently are.

The reason being:

Your ex was more attracted to the woman you were then, than the woman you are now

Back then, you had more confidence, you didn’t NEED him or his approval to be happy

You were on a different life path altogether

So this emphasizes the need to be confident, independent, and MOVING ON in life, rather than always trying to get back together with him. This means adopting new goals in life not influenced by him.

You might even say that your ex left BECAUSE he didn’t like the new relationship that the two of you created. Logically then, there’s only one thing to do. IF and WHEN you get back together, you create a new relationship. A new dynamic. New rules. The old relationship is gone because he did not like it.

Self-Improvement

The next step after rebirth is to improve the things that you DON’T like about yourself. This makes you more attractive to other people and helps you walk, and act, with confidence. But should these things be based on HIS perspective or YOUR perspective? After all, if you’re independent now, why would you care about what he thinks of you?

I’ll give you this last tidbit of advice. Don’t be afraid.

If your ex always gave you crap about some personal flaw, then the most logical thing to do is ask yourself: “Is it true? Is this a serious flaw affecting my relationships with other people? Could I improve myself by taking this criticism?”

It might even help to ask someone else, a family member or close friend, if this personal flaw is really a big deal and if you should try to get rid of it.

Guess what? If your ex was telling the truth and you IMPROVE yourself by getting rid of the flaw, you’re better for it. If your ex was just vengeful and picking on you for no good reason, then no harm done.

So you don’t want to improve yourself FOR HIM, you simply want to make sure you are the best person you can possibly be. This will make you more attractive to men, but more importantly, confident in YOURSELF and the successful woman you want to become.

And yes, it just so happens that improving yourself and actually moving on in life is going to attract the attention of your ex. Now, he has to chase you all over again. And MAYBE, if he tries really hard, you can begin a new relationship later on.

That’s right, a new relationship, one built on mutual respect and mutual independence. This time, with more respect and maturity between the two of you, you may actually fall in love for real.

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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