Is your once red-hot relationship tasting a little stale lately? Why is it that when you’re in a committed relationship, the food seems to get better and better, but the sex and the romance always seem to go downhill? You started spicy hot, then you went down to microwave dinner quality, and eventually to hospital food? What gives? Is it true that all live-in relationships lose the spark over time?
That may be statistically true but it’s certainly NOT a scientific fact of life. It all depends on how personally invested you and your partner are in keeping the romance alive and making this marriage or live-in relationship just as fun and exciting as the courtship.
There are many ways to spice up a marriage, but today we’re going to focus on just one. Putting the creativity, the spontaneity, the humor and the WIT back into your relationship. Romance will come naturally when both partners put a little more effort into creating smart and sexy banter.
But there’s no need to roleplay Tracy and Hepburn. You can keep things fresh by texting each other sweet “nothings” throughout the week. These little text notes don’t have to be hilarious, ingenious or beautifully written. They just have to be fun! The secret to writing sexy texts is all about creating excitement and unpredictability just like you had back when you were first dating. Here are five secrets to texting like you’re 18 again.
1. Texting is about building anticipation.
Why do boys have so much fun texting girls? It’s probably for the opposite reason that mature adults don’t have as much interest in romance…because it’s easily available. Kids, on the other hand, are usually virginal in their teens, and sex is not easily available and so there’s a bit of a taboo associated with it. That means boys try harder to impress girls and girls react with more excitement to encourage more of that flirty dialog. Many married couples have lost sight of this simple dynamic because if you want to have sex all you have to do is ask.
Not romantic, not sexy, no serious effort involved.
So the first key to texting for foreplay is to built anticipation. Create an interest in the forbidden, in romance, in sex, by acting goofy like teenagers again. Have fun with the idea and say something that’s totally wild and opposite of what you say and think now!
“I wish I could touch you right now.” (Sex isn’t available right now, so you want it right now!)
“I love it when you kiss me softly on the back of my neck.” (Strong visual and emotion)
“I want you so bad it’s making me ache.” (Self-explanatory!)
These texts build anticipation, making the sex you will have later on even hotter.
2. Create more excitement by discussing a specific event or action.
This is a great way to build intimacy, both sexually and romantically. Instead of only texting errands, discuss more topics. Talk about things that interest you. Even better, talk about a SPECIFIC event or action that you want to do and want your partner to do it with you. Build anticipation of that event and make it the center of your weekly text conversations. This gives you both something to look forward to. And FYI, this is actually a common technique in teen dating…talk about “things to do” so as to appear cool and “not that interested in sex.” It works for young single people and it can work for you too!
“I really want to go to Hawaii this summer and just have fun on the beach. The sunsets are so beautiful…I want to see it in person.”
“I really want to go to a concert this month. Guess who’s playing?”
“We should go do something new and weird this weekend. You with me?”
3. Remember when?
Recreate great, vivid memories with a little trip down memory lane. This is a great way to bring some of the romance back, drawing attention to crazy adventures you had in the past. Remind your partner of how romantic he was back in the day. Describe in detail how he made you feel—turned on, adored, intoxicated with his confidence. Tell him you want to do more things like that so that you can feel wild and out of control. And of course, don’t forget the afterglow text where you talk about how awesome your latest romantic adventure was.
“Remember when we made out in that old convertible down by the woods? That was so crazy and fun…”
“Remember the first time you met me? What were you thinking?”
“Remember when we went to our honeymoon in Cabo? I still remember how handsome you looked.”
4. Compliment each other and bring back that mutual desire.
Compliments work brilliantly when they’re sincere. Tell him what you like about him physically, mentally, and emotionally. Talk about his eyes, his good qualities, even his little vanities, like how muscular he is or how he’s so sexy when he has those bedroom eyes. Tickle him further by talking about how other women want him. Flatter his ego and let him return the favor, motivating him to be more romantic and daring like he used to be. It also helps to dress up for each other and embody these attractive qualities all the more so. Take pride in your appearance and encourage him to take pride as well.
“I love the way you look at me right before you start kissing me.”
“You are so handsome when you dress up in a suit!”
“I can’t stop staring at your shirtless beach picture. So hot.”
5. Stop sending unfun texts! Associate texting with fun, sexy, romantic banter.
At some point, you may need to convey neutral information to your partner. But there’s nothing sexy about telling your guy to pick up bread. So resist texting him that message and instead ask him to call you. Speak your errands when necessary but keep the texting only for personal “dating” communication.
It seems like a small thing, but using positive associations to get him excited again will definitely change the same old routine. He may even snap back into romantic hero mode again and surprise you!
What “Romance” Means To A Man
When was the last time your husband or boyfriend (or even a guy you
were just casually seeing). . .
Really made you swoon?
When was the last time you felt butterflies go through your whole body
at something he did. . .
Or said. . .
Or the way he looked at you?
When was the last time you really felt the kind of ROMANCE in your
relationship that you dreamed about when you were a little girl?
If you’re like most women it’s been A WHILE. . .
Heck, if you’re like a lot of women it’s been FOREVER.
If you’re like most women you’ve probably fallen for the big LIE that
says that guys just “aren’t romantic”. . .
That they’d rather watch football and drink beer than actually connect
with you. . .
That all they care about is sex.
But the weird truth is that the reason most guys aren’t “Romantic” isn’t
about him at all. . .
It’s about you. . .
Plain and simple, most men have a “secret romantic” inside. . .
And you can wake him up and let him out just by following a few easy steps. . .
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. Would you rather have to beg and plead for your man to be even a
LITTLE romantic. . . Or would you rather he give you the romance you crave
all on his own?
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I seem to chase them off or I just cant trust them. The worst one is that I can not shut of my brain from thinking I am not good enough.
I was wondering how the heck can I get perfect emails as my relationship chapters.. past weeks when we kinda fight and stopped contacting each other, all the emails are explaining how I can get off the fights. Just few minutes ago the relationship recovered and this appear in my mail. Thanks :’)
My husband cheated on me with my sister and I need help putting it behind me
My best friend & 8yr live in fiancé slept together on vacation at my personal beach condo, My 2 kids & her kid were there. The kids were in the same grade & best friends. I pretended I didn’t know, 2 more days I had fun for the kids sake. When I Got home, I told fiance that me & her got into a fight about a married guy she works with that she had a relationship with, that we were not speaking to her anymore that if she called do NOT answer. Then I carried his things back to his moms a few things at a time & my air “went out” less than a week after the beach trip & we stayed at his moms. I went home & told him that it was hot & the air wasn’t working (which it was) that I would let him know when it wasn’t hot anymore. Then I tapered down the conversations. It was Not easy, but I had kids involved that are still best friends. I explained to my kids & told them to tell her & her child that me & him were busy & very happy if they ask. Yours is much different. You’re hurt, but you don’t need anyone. Give yourself time to heal then find yourself a new sister & new set of friends. Kick him to the curb. & pray a lot. Be distant with your sister, she will realize the wrong she has done. Then don’t let your next man get to close to anyone around you. Have fun but keep him more to yourself other than holidays & special events
Hang in there. I’m not sure how old you are but I understand at this age I’m at that you can’t trust anybody around your man. But you should be able to trust your man around anybody. Just be thankful God showed you what was right before you married him. If you will do this before your marriage he would do this after and if someone that close to you was the person he chose to do it with he had no respect for you so hang in there and there’s somebody better that’s going to treat you right out there. Don’t listen to the haters. Pray for both of them. I know it sounds Impossible right now because of anger but I’m telling you in the long run you’ll get over it and get under a new man that will only be under you. Don’t listen to the haters and don’t listen to the lies. There are too many men out there that will respect a woman and have boundaries. This one is not for you. Either of them
Your sister will be more beautiful than you
I was having problems with my ” Friend”. I did the NC, for 3 1/2 weeks. At first it was the hardest thing I ever did. The I texted him about a friend’s suicidal text. I was professional, no jealousy ( Why haven’t you texted me). He hasn’t texted back but he read all texts from June 5th 2020 to today.
I am taking baby steps with him and applying the ” Smartest Man I know.” Bless you Matthew!
I do not understand you advised that women should not initiate conversation, women should lean back but you also advise women to send romantic messages. When should these SMS’s be sent? I do not understand.
I do NOT advise that women should not initiate contact. Leaning back does NOT mean that you never should initiate contact. You may want to go back over the concept of leaning back because you CAN and SHOULD initiate contact if you want a man to think you’re interested in him.
It’s all about getting the man to chase you some times. If he regularly initiates conversations, no problem, you can initiate as well… If however, he rarely or never initiates, that’s when you lean back a little bit… A healthy relationship should be give and take from both sides, not one always being the giver and one always being the taker… I hope that helps and you develop a happy, healthy relationship.
Im confused. If a giy is cold nd distant do we still send messages to spark the romance or do we let it pass us by nd wait for him to make the firstmove