How to Talk Dirty in Bed

It might surprise you to learn that at the heart of “dirty talking” is a surprisingly tender motivation. Dirty-talking is not about filth, nor is it about eroticism. It’s about communication. It is about lovemaking. It’s about intimacy.

What dirty-talking involves is finding the unique common language that you and your partner enjoy so that you can better communicate together. Your conversation is part of the sexual experience. It’s not only pleasurable but also helps with bonding and becoming more intimate in mind.

That’s why you shouldn’t fear dirty talking. Rather, you should be very interested in finding a language, style and vocabulary that you both find exciting. That’s what will help you keep the dirty conversation natural and fun. Because no, you don’t want to fake it just for him. You want to enjoy the experience yourself, don’t you?

Let’s review six tips on how to talk dirty in a more natural way that will excite both of you and lead to some explosive sex.

1. Start by describing sensation and sensuality, not just sex.

If you take all the naughty words and kinky visuals out of the picture, what you have left is are descriptions of feelings. Desires. Cravings. This is what you’re expressing to your partner. So start, not with a slew of four letter words, but instead easy phrases that describe how much you want him. How much you want him to desire you. Don’t worry, he will understand what you’re doing and will be ready to take it slow. He will mirror back to you the same feelings and hope you escalate the tension—which you will.

Remember also to show emotion and passion when you describe these feelings. Humming, moaning softly, sighing and saying something as simple as “Yes” or “Ahh” can be the dirtiest thing you can say.

2. Learn how to use short but very strong sentences.

Dirty talking is not about writing erotica or even simulating the bad dialog you hear in porn. It’s about simply conveying feelings and desires quickly. Within two or three word sentences usually. You can go for longer if you want, but remember that the longer the sentence, the greater risk of misspeaking. Long sentences are hard to remember and difficult speak fluently if you’re in the heat of the moment. Use simple nouns, verbs and adjectives. Get rid of excess adverbs and complicated sentences. Think about emotional and exclamatory sentences, even if it’s just one word at a time. Like:

“Don’t stop!”
“Oh wow that feels so good.”
“Do it faster”!
“Yeah I like that!”

Whether you’re talking over the phone, whispering into his ear or even talking during sex, a few “dirty sentences” can go a long way.

3. Be descriptive and be EXTREME.

The real fun begins when you start being more descriptive rather than just sensual. Descriptive sentences (still relatively short but slightly longer) emphasize the feelings you both experience by creating stronger visuals and more intense actions. For example, “You feel so good…”, or “I want to I ride you hard” or “I just want to be your toy, use me!”

These are all longer phrases but they paint strong visuals. They describe specific actions taking place. They tantalize the man’s imagination and make him “feel” the scene happening in his mind. And yes, extreme emotion is the way to go. Let go of your inhibitions and let him feel how excited you are.

4. Use “swear words” you are comfortable using…the ones that turn you on.

Most people think dirty-talking requires using the nastiest words in the English language. Not true…you DO need to speak explicitly, to name parts of your body so you can communicate your desire. But you should use the words that you like and that personally turn you on. That way it’s not fake and it’s not just for his benefit, but it’s a feeling you share together.

So if you like using F-words or P-words or C-words then do it. But if you like a euphemism like “make love” or “put it in” or “inside me” then go ahead and use it with a sexy voice. It’s not about the words you choose it’s about the creative way you use them. It’s about the descriptions, the actions, the scenes you play in your head. That’s what matters.

In fact, one of the best ways to dirty-talk effectively is to use F-bombs and extreme swear words sparingly, and not every other sentence. It’s better to build up the tension with a few short and PG-rated sentences and then work up to PG-13 and then use a big nasty swear word at just the perfect time to get him really excited.

The “limits” on what you want to say or don’t want to say is decided by you and your partner. If you like more derogatory or sexually graphic words then enjoy letting go of your scruples and saying them. Your man will love the energy you bring. But it something bothers you, or bothers him, don’t say it. Be imaginative and think of another word, a better one to describe what you feel.

5. Now it’s time to practice your potty mouth.

It’s best not to let your “first time” be with your man, especially if you’re feeling shy. The best thing to do is to practice alone, or even in front of a mirror. If you need some inspiration for inventing your own lines, check out an erotica book or a sexy movie. Don’t copy those lines but research them so you can later adapt their expressions into something more personal and unique to you. You can also practice sighing, moaning and humming out loud to get into the mood. Touching yourself as you practice dirty-talking is also a good way to feel the heart and speak naturally.

Remember to have fun with it. Don’t be so stressed about it that you’re unable to laugh at yourself if you make a mistake. You will make a mistake and it might occasionally feel awkward to dirty-talk if you’ve never tried it before. But pushing yourself a little farther and constantly improving your vocabulary will help make you an expert dirty-talker over time.

6. Always try to keep things interactive.

Lastly, remember to keep things interactive and make sure the dialog is inclusive. Does your dirty talking encourage him to contribute to the conversation? Do you pause for him and give him a prompt to jump in with his own dirty talk? More importantly, do you set him up and challenge him to come up with something even kinkier? Your job is not to entertain your man, like a phone sex operator does, but to draw him out and get him to communicate intimately and honestly. Make him trust you. Make him feel emotionally, sensually and sexually connected to you. Interactive dialog is what really makes dirty talking explosive.

The answer lies not in imitating someone else’s style but in developing your own style and learning yourself. Dirty talking about intimacy and communication. The real eroticism comes from bonding so closely with a man you love. The sexy words…that’s all just icing on the cake.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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Matthew Coast

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