How to Play a Player

Remember the first time you learned what a player was? That super nice and funny guy that every woman seemed to warn you about? What’s wrong with being funny and charming anyway? Why of course…

Because he’s a player! His intention is to confuse you, charm you, push you away, pull you back in, and ultimately “win” by sleeping with you and then moving onto another woman. Naturally, he preys upon women who are younger or forever naïve, because women who have dated players in the past can usually see through their manipulative behavior.

Not that’s not to say that all players are terrible people or narcissistic. Some are confused themselves and so they figure a life of empty sex will prevent them from getting too close and falling in love. Others are simply in awe of their own power over women and just want to have some fun before they settle down. And you may also meet the occasional misogynist and sadist who just seem to enjoy hurting people’s feelings.

The point is you have to be on guard against players since their entire strategy is seduction. By learning how to “play a player” you can either avoid these guys altogether or force them to “grow up” and be real.

Here are five points to remember for how to play a player.

1. Backhanded compliments are a test. Respond NOT in kind.

Backhanded compliments, or neg-hits, are a player’s way to get a rise out of you. He compliments you (pulls in) but also insults you (pushes away), hoping to get a laugh and build attraction. Players also occasionally use “light gaslighting” techniques, such as: guilting you into doing him favors or making you doubt what you heard or saw, lying, or suggesting you have a major personality flaw because of the way you treat him.

Now whether you take this as an insult and call him on it, or if you prefer to insult him right back, is up to you. But if you really want to play with a player, don’t just accept it as a funny or cute thing to say. Instead, ignore him. He’s obviously testing you and probably wants a negative reaction back. Tease him back by not responding and make him come up with something else.

2. Take a “cash upfront” approach to all his sweet talking.

The player will often go for the used car salesperson approach and try to imply or promise all these great things later if you do something now. This is manipulation 101! Never give him anything you can’t afford to lose because chances are, he won’t follow up on any promises or implications. Just adopt a “You do it first, right now” mentality and refuse to trust him on anything, regardless of how much he whines. This might apply when he’s talking about calling you later or promising to do you a favor.

This is particularly important when he tries to take you to bed. Never sleep with a player until he steps out of that player mindset and really begins bonding with you in “real life.”

3. Learn to Play the Player by being a better player than he is!

This is a moment of truth for the player because once he senses you’re playing him right back, this forces him to either cut out the B.S. or move onto a more gullible woman who takes far less effort than you do. Men who meet the female equivalent of players are usually fascinated at first. But eventually, they realize this is a stalemate. They either have to drop the act, or they have to give up. The best way to beat a player is to mirror his own techniques:

• Ignore him when he’s too cocky
• Slowly acknowledge him after you make him work for it
• Spend more time with other guys and girls than him
• Flirt back with him…but then refuse him when he wants to advance the relationship
• Call him on his player behavior or simply say you don’t trust him
• Make him want you by being sexy, mysterious, and not all that interested in him
• Don’t show jealousy at all, treat him like a friend
• Don’t be available too often, make him wait for your time
• Get him to fall for you by finally rewarding his efforts and telling him what the wants to hear…and then just as he thinks he’s winning, reject him!

4. If you like him, date him but don’t limit your options.

Players are only dangerous as far as you trust them. If you maintain your emotional distance, you will not fall for a man who refuses to be real with you. You will not limit yourself to just dating him since you know he’s probably dating other women. In simpler words, never fall in love. He has to work overtime to reach your heart. If he’s just giving you the minimum (his charming personality and player sense of humor, the same shtick he gives all the other girls) he’s obviously not worthy of your full attention.

5. Challenge him to be real.

If you really want to shake him out of player mode, challenge him to be real and honest, and not all about the laughs and drinks. Challenge him with an intellectual discussion of his passions, his family, his goals in life. Players may survive the first few rounds of an honest discussion but they will quickly tap out once they realize this is getting way too personal.

By nature, players don’t like to be too honest or too open with their guarded hearts. They don’t like being reminded that all of this is fake and that they have major trust issues. Making the conversation all about him and going for a deeper discussion about the things that really matter, is a wonderful challenge! It will either bring out the best in him or show you his true colors as he flees for the exit.

Remember, you’re doing this player a favor! Help him get in touch with his true feelings by NOT giving him what he wants and instead, challenge him to think deeper for a change.

40 Flirty Texts That Men Absolutely Love

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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