Let me ask you something…
Have you ever felt so deeply connected with your man … his arms around you, feeling warm and happy and giggly and safe and utterly RIGHT…
Only to feel that WALL come down between you?
Almost out of nowhere?
Almost without warning?
And you feel sick to your stomach as you start to realize…
He’s pulling away.
And you don’t know why… or what you can do to FIX it.
If you’ve ever experienced anything like this for yourself… then you need to listen to what I’m about to say next…
Because whether YOUR man is ‘checking out’ of the relationship emotionally or not…
You NEED to know what to do when your man pulls away from you BEFORE it happens…
…Why?
Because trying to DRAG his love back to you when you’re already losing him is like trying to learn how to swim when you’re already drowning.
The incredible hidden NEEDS that your man has… that all men have (but will never tell you about because of how vulnerable it would make him feel)…
And I want to share 3 of those secret, POWERFUL needs with you right now.
So if you want to prevent any man from EVER pulling away from you again… and DRAG his desire and devotion 100% back to YOU (where it belongs), forever…
Then there are just THREE things you need to know:
1. Thing One:
Men periodically NEED to pull away from ANY relationship… in exactly the same way YOU need to stop eating dinner when you’re stuffed to bursting.
Weird but true:
To a man, love is like food.
Like such good food.
But even with the BEST food in the world… even if he’s been STARVING for years…
Eventually, he’s still going to get full.
Let me paraphrase Dr John Gray here, from Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus (and by the way, if you haven’t already read it, you should)…
But basically, a guy’s heart can only hold so much emotional ‘food’ before he needs time to leave the table and digest.
In other words, him ‘pulling away’ is a normal and NATURAL part of the desire cycle.
He “eats”… he gets “full”… then he leaves the table for awhile so that he can get “hungry” again.
In other words, ALL MEN periodically NEED to ‘leave the table’. Otherwise, he’ll never feel that desperate craving to get close you to again.
Which is why having a man periodically pull back from you can actually be an incredibly good thing.
Because IF you handle it right (and I’m about to tell you how), when a man pulls away, it’s a GOLDEN opportunity to snap his attention, love, and desire right back onto you again… and closer than ever before.
Here’s how you do it…
2. Thing Two:
When a man pulls away, you must make an IMMEDIATE commitment to yourself to react in a way that most women WON’T, DON’T, OR CAN’T.
Here, I’ll paint you a little picture.
Let’s say you’ve noticed a distance in your man’s behavior lately.
Maybe he’s sending you less of those cute little texts you love receiving.
Maybe he’s starting to act quiet, distant, cold, and weird.
Or maybe he’s even told you outright that it’s not working and he ‘needs some space’.
What should you DO in this situation?
Well, first I’ll tell you what you SHOULDN’T do (which is exactly what 99% of women end up doing):
Don’t freak out!
Most women react to a man going distant by PANICKING and saying things like:
- ‘What’s wrong?’
• ‘Is it me?’
• ‘Did I do something wrong?’
• ‘Is everything okay?’
• ‘You seem distant…’
But if you panic, freak out, or get ‘clingy’, you will QUICKLY drive him further away than ever.
And here’s why…
When it comes to love, a man’s capacity to feel love and desire for you is INCREDIBLY dependent on just TWO things:
– His ability to make you happy, and …
– His ability to feel that you TRUST in him.
When a man perceives that he’s making you happy and that you TRUST him, his brain is flooded in a warm wash of happy chemicals.
He feels pride, ecstasy, euphoria, and a potent surge of sheer masculinity.
In other words, these two things… making you happy and earning your trust… this makes him feel like a MAN.
Don’t forget, while most men seem like they’re big, bad, confidence machines, they’re really walking around in their lives in a haze of insecurity, anxiety, and worries of being disrespected.
That’s why it’s so incredibly powerful when he feels your trust and respect in him.
It makes him stand up straight, feel ecstatic and warm and proud and strong, and ready to fight dragons for you just to feel it again.
But, if you freak out and react by trying to grab him and DRAG him back to you before he’s ready…
…then he (rightly) perceives that he’s NOT making you happy and you’re NOT trusting him.
Which triggers an instant and devastating surge of UNHAPPY chemicals in his brain.
The result?
Deep in his unconscious brain, he forges an unbreakable chemical link between ‘being around you’ with the unpleasant and deeply repulsive feeling of ‘being disrespected and distrusted as a man’.
And that’s when what WAS a simple, healthy, natural male instinct to ‘pull away’ in order to come CLOSER…
… now becomes a legitimate WALL between the two of you.
So how do you make sure this NEVER happens to you?
Keep reading…
3. Thing Three:
When a man pulls away, you need to EMBRACE it as the golden opportunity for a deeper, more incredible connection it really is.
If you feel like he’s pulling away (and he might very well be), here’s what you absolutely need to do:
– Relax and chill out.
– Avoid getting stressed.
– Remind yourself that all men do this, that it’s natural and healthy, that it’s literally FUELLING his ability to come closer to you…
– And most of all, you must allow him to pull back without freaking out, blaming or shaming him, and without trying to ‘fix’ it.
Because most of the time, there’s nothing TO fix.
It’s simply a man being a man … and getting closer to you in the only way he knows how:
By instinctively creating the DISTANCE between you that ends up driving a deeper, more connected CLOSENESS when he comes back your way again.
“But Matt … I can’t just do nothing! How can you be so heartless??”
Ha.
Well, first of all, understand that I’m NOT telling you to do nothing.
What I’m saying is that you must relax.
And relaxing is not ‘nothing’!
Real relaxing means taking positive action to become a stronger, more awesome version of yourself.
Whether that’s reading a novel, seeing a friend, taking a walk, playing with your puppy, cooking a meal, working out…
…anything you do that truly relaxes you is taking positive action to build a better life, a healthier body, a stronger immune system…
… and probably also stronger friendships, better self-esteem, and a happier, more balanced mind.
So, relaxing is definitely NOT just nothing : )
But … hey, I get it. ‘Relaxing’ can feel downright IMPOSSIBLE when you feel like the man you love is slipping through your fingers and checking out of the relationship emotionally.
Plus, there’s the bitter truth: sometimes, a man pulling away really does spell trouble for your relationship.
But Here’s The Good News:
Right Now, Here’s Something AMAZING That’s Going To Bring All His Barriers Crumbling Down Forever, And Drag His Desire And Devotion 100% Back To You The SECOND You Use It.
Here’s the deal:
You know how I mentioned at the start of this article that there’s a cartoon I put together for you?
Well, I want you to go and watch that cartoon right now.
And here’s why:
Because, in this tooth-grittingly personal video, I tell you a raw, honest, and devastating story of how one woman came this close to driving her man away forever …
PLUS I’ll give you the EXACT eight steps I found that STOP a man from pulling away dead in his tracks …
Make him ‘hungry’ for your love …
And honestly create a level of lasting bliss and deep emotional CONNECTION between you and your man that no-one and nothing can destroy.
And If you want him to not just ‘love’ but absolutely devote himself to you heart and soul …
This 1 Mistake Makes Him Lose His Desire to Commit
If you’re in a casual, friend with benefits, “situationship” with a guy that you have feelings for but he doesn’t feel the same way or he won’t commit to you…
If you’re sitting around waiting for a man to commit to you and questioning whether you should walk away or give him more time…
If you’re single and you feel like all the men you meet just want sex, don’t put in any effort, or are all talk and no action…
If you’re tired of all the games, putting in all the effort while getting nothing back, and men who are confused or not sure what they really want…
Make sure you NEVER press his “commitment phobia button” or else he’ll feel like you’re the WRONG woman for him.
He’ll begin to feel unsure, confused, and avoid the topic altogether.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If a man IS commitment-phobic, your best chance of making him crave a commitment with you is to use something I call, “The Power Phrase.”
Many times, this is EXACTLY what he needs to hear to commit.
In this article it says if you freak out than u will put an actual wall between you . What if u have is it fixable ? Not on topic but any idea why men cheat ?
Yes it is fixable just relax now and don’t freakout again. Give him time to think what your relationship meant to him and he will return a better man if he valued you in the first place. Jist my 2 cents
What do I do if I got a man that leaves every several months but for 1 year he was so good and we were so connected to each other but he’s got PDSD and its hard to talk to him so he moved out and I haven’t seen or talk to him in over a month hes done this for 3 years but I feel he’s moved on not sure what to do I’m leaving him alone so hopefully he’ll realize what we had together
I’m in the same boat!! Mine has ptsd too and I freaked out when he got distant with me and it’s now been 4 months and he’s cut me off completely. I’m trying so hard to anchor him back but I feel I was to needy and now lost him completely
So what about if ur married &/or living together – how do they manage to pull away then? Coz im thoroughly pissed off with being cast aside for weeks at a time while he goes all off grid to deal with his thoughts & depression while im sitting in limbo land. Then he comes back & gets angry coz iv bn innocently commenting back & fourth on Fb groups with other men – & women – not ‘just men’ . Just so I hav an idea of what to expect if we were to move in together & this need 2b alone comes up – & by the way the whole relationship has went it will come up.
Do you think it will change if you move in together. If he’s an introvert or needs to process things living together won’t improve it. Why doesn’t he have a right to deal with things how he needs. His purpose in life is not to make you happy and it should be more natural. Would you want him talking to women in chats? Unlikely. I don’t mean any of this in an ugly way, but everyone does what they want in life. If a man chooses to give you more time or is emotionally available, that sounds like more likely what you need. You can’t be angry at him for his needs. You can tell him politely how you feel, but he gentle or a week May turn into 3. Try to avoid the word “YOU”. It sounds blaming. Just tell him how you feel. Wish you the best.
Think of risk vs benefit. People do what they want to depending on the risk of that action. If the risk of getting caught or losing you isn’t that big of a deal or the satisfaction of the affair seems worth it, then people do what they want. I don’t worry so much about the why anymore. If they are cheaters, they don’t deserve me. I stopped worrying what others do and focused on what I’m doing. If a man cheats on me, he’s stupid. I know my worth and all he’s doing is proving to me HE isn’t worth it ❤️
This was meant for Sarah
Accidentally posted this in the wrong question the first time. So here goes:
Think of risk vs benefit. People do what they want to depending on the risk of that action. If the risk of getting caught or losing you isn’t that big of a deal or the satisfaction of the affair seems worth it, then people do what they want. I don’t worry so much about the why anymore. If they are cheaters, they don’t deserve me. I stopped worrying what others do and focused on what I’m doing. If a man cheats on me, he’s stupid. I know my worth and all he’s doing is proving to me HE isn’t worth it ❤️
What do you do if you already freaked out, there’s a wall between you and him, and he says he doesn’t love you anymore?
I would say to walk away if he’s straight up said that. Take care of you and learn from him. If he can say he doesn’t love you anymore, sadly he probably never loved you to begin with. He maybe had emotions but wasn’t sure what they were. You need to let him go and find someone worthy of your love who can freely return that to you. Easier said than done, but after a while, you’ll find you feel better that it’s over and no games still being played. IF he comes back, make him earn his way back in to your trust.
He just wants his time alone his sister is pulling him away from me because he is black and I’m white she races. But he wants to be with me but we have to sneak around .come on now he is 62 years old and the oldest. But his sister boss him around. I just want him to think about me day and night. And want to be with me all the time. Stop go on this trips with his family and start go with me. The man need his own life. He need to be happy thank you
This is an amazing article. I went through this exact same situation. He left me and I freaked out like crazy but not even a month he came back home to me and our kids because he missed his family. I agree with all of what you had to say. Now I read this article I understand it 100% why it all was done. It’s not all about him wanting another woman or anything about yourself. I was insecure and always on him and nagging and nitpicking and it will get to that. Just trust your man and love him like there’s no other man on this earth. Believe me he won’t go anywhere. Just always make sure he’s happy. Thanks again for this article. Love It.
yeah just make sure he’s happy & loved like no other while he casts u aside whenever he feels like it with no regard for ur happiness or needs. That’s what ur saying right?
What about when you feel it’s one sided yet he doesn’t? He’s fine and says he loves me, doesn’t want nor talk to anyone else, yet won’t talk about anything. I’m going crazy with thoughts in my head and have been crying so much. He gets frustrated but all my thoughts and reasons get told to him but still nothing changes so the things that are bothering me for legit reason, resurface bc they aren’t dealt with. It should be two people who both put in the effort, & work on things together when something isn’t right at the moment.
I love this. I think the way we are raised these days is so backwards. We have to re-learn how to do things. What to expect from the opposite sex, what’s not ok to expect. What relationships we are supposed to have besides a husband that can’t also be a girl friend.
But the lies we’ve grown up to believe have finally come out to the light that they are just that. Lies.
Finally the truth!
iv got this sxact same problem btw, my man wants left alone for anywhere from 3-6 weeks at a time then wants to pick up where we left off. it is thee most frustrating thing ever. & they’re always so nice when ur together right? Its crazy & I know im never gonna get any answers from him that’s for sure! I don’t know how much more of this lifting & laying I can mentally take & right now he’s finished with me because I accepted friend request from 1v his friends that iv met a few times. I feel like between this & the covid isolation that i can’t carry on like this but im heartbroken & mentally broken.
If you love him don’t let him come back so easily making work for it. If it’s getting too much emotionally and mentally for you then take some time for you away from him and think things through whether this will make you happy or not to stay with him.
Thanks dear me now an living the same situation he calls only wen he needs something sometimes I call and doesn’t pick but we work in the same place I always see him but it’s really hrtng he told me dt he is too busy these days we don’t talk I really miss him
That means hes only playing around with you I’m sorry to say that to you because I know you probably love him. Do yourself a favor don’t answer himyou more ignore him. Find yourself somebody that’ll actually want to be with you.
Met this guy at work.He was pretty open about himself that he’s in a relationship but he’s not happy and wants to leave But he failed to tell me that He’s engaged to his partner. I found out when we became friends on Facebook. He’s from up north and now lives in the Carolinas so he says he doesn’t have family here so in order to leave he needs to get his finances together. Been dating 3 months now and I have strong feelings for him. Seems since we’ve become intimate he’s pulling away. He’s not like he used to be in our early stages of getting acquainted.
lve’ been n- relationships with a man ! for 41 yrs.. on- again – off again!! its’ always him, thats walks away, for no reason!! n- hes been doing this? the entire relationship!! thru out the yrs.. lm’ tired of all this? hes confused!! n- scared of love..bc/ he was hurt badly….
My mother was in the same situation with a man that would not committ to her. I’m telling you from watching my mother .. you walk away from this relationship right now while you still have life left and can find someone that will actually want to be with you. My mother ended up alone because towards the end of her life she waited on him and he left her. Don’t let this situation be your story.
So we were engaged and 9 days before the wedding he tells me he’s not ready, he needs space and separation, to experience things in life he didn’t get to (he was in prison for 25+ years, went in at 17 and only home a year). It was all about hes not worthy of me ya da ya da. There is still so much self hatred and guilt. However the next day he’s texting intimately with this woman at his job and a week after that telling her he loves her. Yet he tells me he still loves me and wants to be with me he just needs time. He ended up moving in next door to me. We mostly only talk about business stuff but there have been several sweet moments of holding each other etc and yesterday instead of just going with the original plan of emptying our storage unit this weekend he pays for another month so we can just “go thru everything together with no stress”. Feels like he did it to hold me hostage. We had a fire the end of June and we were staying in a hotel right as I started a job where I was working overnight and not sleeping with him or available during the day like he was used to. He even said if the fire hadn’t happened we probably would not be here. It brought out a side of me he was not used to and during one of our only real fights I told him if he truly didn’t see what was going on we had more problems than I thought and maybe we should not be getting married. I didn’t genuinely mean it but in the moment I was hurt. He said that is when he started thinking about things. Before the fire we had a good life, simple and we needed to bring the romance back but mostly happy. So will any of this help me? My friends are saying just cut him off for now, let him miss me and he will come back…
He’s playing with you walk away. When a man only wants sex from you he doesn’t love you.
When my fiance pulled away from me, the relationship ended too. He said we are not compatible, I felt that we were compatible. In the last couple of months he would criticize like the way I walked, laughed, read books, smiled, my weight and the size of my stomach. Well, no one is perfect so watch yourself
With this man that I have been seeing for a while
Am doing things for him
Put at the moment is not doing things for me
Shall I talk to them and say how come your not doing things for me