There’s something very enticing about a man you can’t have, isn’t there? Let’s not be dishonest about it. While we all know what’s right or wrong, sometimes the idea of something “unavailable” seems exciting.
Maybe it’s the fantasy that you want. Or the element of taboo, something that’s dangerous…but it’s a danger that also ignites passion.
People fall for “unavailables” all the time. Science also shows it’s not always the “taboo” that we find addictive.
As an article from Business Insider explains, sometimes we desire what we can’t have because:
• We’re attracted to the social proof – we want what is popular because it feels so valuable
• Or we’re addicted to the “highs” of chasing someone, the breadcrumbs they leave us
The problem is these intense “want what you can’t have” relationships rarely ever work out. Why is that?
Usually, it’s because the imagined relationship going on in your head, while very sexy and appealing, is usually not at all what the reality is going to bring you.
We fantasize about perfection and we’re left disappointed with the flesh and blood part of it. That seems to be the story, whether you’re chasing a married guy, or a celebrity, or an emotionally unavailable guy, or a best friend who friend-zoned you, whatever.
We take the idea of “unavailable” as a challenge and so we’re inclined to chase it.
And I’ll bet deep down you already know that you can’t be with this “impossible” guy, right? There’s no way it’s going to work out and you’ve accepted that.
Still, the desire is there. The want is intense. Oh yeah we’ve all been there.
Maybe the problem is that most people never actually try to “detach” themselves from what they can’t have. They don’t mean it when they say, “I need to quit you, stop this addiction.”
But the truth is you CAN stop. You can quit and you can detach. Here are the ways you can do it.
1. Play your own therapist and determine the reason for the attraction.
It’s obviously not just compatibility, because there are other fish in the sea. What is it about this guy that tempts you? Why is the timing of this relationship significant? What was the precise moment when you realized you had feelings for him? Was it perhaps because of a moment you shared, or a feeling, or something you were going through – and the guy just happened to be there?
2. Objectively analyze the situation. Understanding why your feelings developed is the first step to detaching.
Try taking an honest look at who he is and why he’s NOT the fantasy man you’ve built him up to be.
Oftentimes in these “unavailable” crushes, people create a fictionalized version of the real man they’re falling in love with. They love the fantasy, the idea, but later find out the real guy is not anything like the fantasy was. This quickly cures them of all romantic notions.
But you don’t have to wait until the doomed relationship to realize that. Start looking now. Look at him objectively. Look over his life and hear what other people say about him. Is he really the man you think he is? Beyond sex, what do you actually have in common?
3. Release all that pent up frustration by letting out your emotions.
Go ahead and confess your love, your grievance, your rage – everything! Write a letter, record it, sing about it, whatever you need to do.
The solution here is not to tell HIM – because you already know what he’s going to say. “This relationship is impossible.” So just rip that letter up or lock it away somewhere it won’t ever be found.
But YOU still need to say it and hear it for yourself.
4. Detach slowly, not “cold turkey.” One day at a time, try to focus on other things.
Trying too hard to forget him all once will make it more difficult. Instead, live one day at a time and gradually “wean” yourself off of his presence, even if it’s little steps at a time. Stop checking your messages every day. Stop writing him on weekends. Progressively interact with him fewer times as days and weeks go by.
Over time, your feelings will stall. His lack of attention, together with your distraction, will soon cure you of the obsession. No, you won’t completely forget him. But you will eventually realize that you both have very different lives. What works in theory, won’t work in the real world. It’s time to get busy living your own life.
5. Reboot your own life – look beyond him.
It’s time to look for a new beginning, after the fact, after this guy, whether he’s a crush or an ex. Focus on what you want to be and what you want to do with your life. No doubt you had dreams and goals before this man came into your life. You probably also had dreams of what you wanted AFTER your life with him, even if things worked out perfectly and you ended up together.
Love was not the final destination. What else did you want to do? Did you want to start a family? Find a better career? Explore your talents or take up a new hobby?
Get in touch with those thoughts. Challenge yourself to aim higher. By focusing your attention and effort on achievable goals, you will eventually stop prioritizing this guy.
No, it’s never easy to detach from someone you want, maybe even someone you love. What you have to do is determine what you truly want in your heart. What pain are you going to endure? Who will you hurt? What values are important to you?
If you set your mind and heart to it, you can do anything. Yes, even a relationship you crave but that’s impossible to create. In the end, you will be proud of yourself for resisting a disastrous idea and for sparing yourself the grief of that bad decision. You deserve better and you will find it!
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
