How to Deal with a Breakup

Whether you are dealing with an honest to goodness breakup or even a case of unrequited love (perhaps after you’ve confessed your feelings), it’s safe to say that a broken heart is one of the most painful experiences in life.

You’ve invested so much time in him. Your entire life outlook was partially shaped by his acceptance of you (or the idea of a perfect romance with him). Now, everything you know about life and love has been challenged.

How do you respond?

Respond in strength. Not in weakness.

Because not only will this help you to get over the breakup, but it may also help you attract him again later on. Let’s consider the five steps in getting over a breakup and becoming attractive again—to him, to all other men, and most importantly, to yourself.

1. Accept that it’s OK to feel grief and that the pain will heal in time.

Don’t fall into the trap of denial, it just postpones the inevitable. Give yourself time to grieve and process your feelings. Do the things you enjoy, whether that’s work, or perhaps a hobby that you really enjoy. Use this time to let your mind and body recover.

Don’t run out and date someone else just to prove you’re attractive. Instead, spend time with friends and family—the same people you may have accidentally ignored during the last year or so, because of this man.

2. Focus on self-improvement and reacquainting yourself with the Original You.

Self-improvement should be your goal—looking attractive once again to other men, to your ex (if he happens to see you) and to yourself. For the best results, try a brand new appearance. Surprise people with a new look and own it. Soak in the attention and smile again. Exercise the stress away and enjoy the feeling of turning heads by men you meet. Enjoy the idea of your ex ogling your “new look” and wondering what else about you has changed. Brag about new things you’re trying on social media sites.

Meanwhile, start reacquainting yourself with the “Old You”, which is actually the original you. The You that existed before you changed your life to be with this man. Get back to unfinished projects. Challenge yourself with new perspectives. Think back to the things you used to do or think and now re-approach them with a new perspective.

3. Take an honest evaluation of yourself and the past relationship.

Let’s not kid ourselves—of course, the ex and the old relationship will still be in your mind a great deal of the day and night. But instead of thinking unproductive sad thoughts and focusing on those RARE good times, focus on thinking analytically.

What attracted you to your ex? What attracted him to you? Why was he ultimately unhappy with you? Why are the two of your incompatible? How would he have to change to repair this imbalance? What mistakes did the BOTH of you make and how would you change this in a future relationship?

These questions will help you build self-esteem as you realize that behind this failed relationship, there are fine qualities in a man that you want to find in your next relationship, just as you have very desirable qualities to offer someone else. You would also take note of mistakes you may have made before and try to eliminate them as character flaws.

4. Make new friendships and try new things!

While it is good to go back to a daily routine to help return to normal, don’t underestimate the joy of trying new things and cultivating new friendships! This doesn’t just mean date new men…make new female friends. Reach out to your COMMUNITY, not just your dating circle. Make yourself available to help people at local charity events, at meet up groups, and among other hobbyists. Connect with other people…you may be surprised at what opportunities await you.

5. Date other people…not just to make your ex jealous but to challenge all your dating instincts and open your mind to new experiences and perspectives.

If you’ve always dated the same type of guy and had the relationships explode in similar ways it doesn’t mean you’re doomed or unlovable, or any other toxic thoughts like that. It may simply mean that you need a new perspective on dating. If you’re ready to date again, date someone opposite of what you usually go for and keep your mind open to new thoughts. You may find some unexpected chemistry with a new suitor.

In fact, I highly recommend dating someone else and NOT waiting for your ex to come back. Waiting for him shows weakness. If anything, you want to show him you’ve moved on and that if he’s ever going to win you back, it’s going to require some serious effort!

6. The best revenge is living happily ever after. Show your ex that you’ve changed…and that if he wants you back he would have to chase you again.

If you want your ex back (assuming, of course, it was not a toxic relationship, and if so RUN AWAY!) then assume the problem was probably too much intensity and possessiveness in the relationship. He may have been attracted to you initially, but lost that attraction the more you started to “chase him” and control him, and build your life around him.

This is why, as a change, you should start befriending him casually again but maintaining a much stronger and fiercer independent streak. Don’t try to control or change him. Don’t be clingy or over eager to speak to him. Reward him only for the effort he puts forth in reaching out to you.

Be busy…show him that your time is valuable and that you DO NOT need him to be happy. (And this shouldn’t be an act…be complete within your own body, your own self without a relationship that defines you. This is what men find attractive!)

Don’t have sex with him until he starts giving more emotionally, and changing the negative behavior that ended the relationship. If you keep him chasing you, while remaining strong and independent, you will become more like the woman he was first attracted to.

And now that you know the secret to keeping a man (let him chase you), if and when the relationship starts again, you will have all the power!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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