How To Make Your Ex Fall In Love With You

We often talk about how to win your ex’s attention back, how to text and tease him, and how to make him obsess over you. Maybe it feels like a victory when he actually feels attracted to you again and wants to take you to bed.

Sure, it feels wonderful to have him interested in you and giving you all this attention. The chase, so to speak, has returned!

But then again, love is very different from infatuation, isn’t it? Love is so much BIGGER than curiosity or “sex with the ex.” Love makes life worth living, love reminds us we’re alive! And yes, in the back of your mind you’re always going to be thinking…

Love is the only thing that will keep him faithful to me.

After all, if he doesn’t LOVE you, then what’s going to stop him from just sleeping with you for old time’s sake and then moving on to another woman?

So yes, the final goal here is making him fall in love with you, and NOT accepting anything else less – like friends with benefits or something casual. It’s just like when you were first dating, remember? Sleeping with him too soon puts you in a “one night stand” category. Keeping him waiting, getting to know each other, that’s what makes infatuation evolve into something deeper.

That’s the real question. How do you turn infatuation and curiosity (about the new woman you’re becoming, the one who catches your ex’s eye) and turn that into real love? Something lasting, something like you once had together before he ended it?

Let’s take this discussion one point at a time.

1. This love you once had WAS real.

I honestly don’t think the relationship would have lasted as long as it did, or even STARTED, if there wasn’t real love behind that attraction. The good memories you had together, the good chemistry and bonding…that was real.

What happened is that somewhere along the way, the both of you became a little lax, a little complacent about what you built together. It happens to a lot of couples. And just because you break up does NOT mean it was all false love.

Accept the fact that what you had was real…and that you can get it back again. Your goal is not to deceive him, or seduce him, or brainwash him. Your goal is to get him to love you again – by doing what worked the first time.

2. He was in love with a “different you”.

This is the hardest part of breakups to accept. The idea that your partner has rejected you and not accepted “All of You”, as he once promised – it’s hurtful, there’s no doubt about it. But on the other hand, we all learn from our mistakes. And pain doesn’t always have to be for nothing. Sometimes relationships can recover after a breakup and become even stronger than before.

And remember, just as you have learned a hard lesson in life, HE will soon learn a similar lesson, when he starts to miss you and realizes what he lost when you left.

But first things first. Accept that to win him back, you must stop being the person he is NOT attracted to. The grave mistake that so many women make is continuing the same tactics that are pushing him away. Like begging, pleading, nagging, guilting – and all these other negative behaviors. When you try to “fix things” impulsively, you give him more of the “old you” that he’s having problems with. Even if it makes sense to you, these actions only frustrate him.

The plan of action is to STOP doing what comes natural or by instinct. And instead, start trying something new.

The best thing to do is to go BACK to the “you of ten years ago” – that period of time before you were in a relationship with him – back when you didn’t have all these established patterns that living together started. That was the YOU he first fell in love with.

So is he still in love with you? Very likely so! Have confidence then…know that there is a part of him still in love with you. Communication just needs to improve. And yes…it’s time to change the dynamic of the relationship.

3. Become a better version of yourself – and show him how to do the same.

The next step is what, sadly, many people forget in their quests to win back an ex. You cannot recreate a stronger, better relationship with a partner unless you change that relationship.

Yes, part of doing so involves changing your behavior, and your ex changing his behavior. It’s a two-way street. It’s really more like building a new relationship from scratch and reinventing the rules.

When you focus on improving yourself, you change your lifestyle for the positive. You gain confidence. You learn how to be happy on your own and become more independent. That’s not just good for you, that’s good for him. You’re giving him more of what he wants – a stronger identity, someone he’s attracted to, not just linked to.

When you make him chase you – by challenging him and NOT being so easy to win back – you help HIM to improve. You help him learn to appreciate you, value your time, and work harder to impress you. Change the dynamic of the relationship, change the relationship. Recreate the romance you actually want, not just the one you’ll tolerate.

4. Forgive him and rediscover the joy of intimacy as a stronger, better person.

Another difficult part of reconciling is to forgive him for leaving. But letting go of the animosity is a MUST at some point. Don’t worry, he will see the error of his ways later on, when he loses you and starts to miss you. But when it’s time to reconnect, to bond, and to trust each other, can you do it?

Can you fall in love all over again? You can, but this time as an independent person, a stronger person. Someone who doesn’t NEED him, but who still enjoys his company. Your partnership works better when there’s an equal balance. It’s not just his way, or your way – but a union built on mutual respect. Real trust and emotional intimacy.

And it always works better when both partners are strong and independent on their own – it makes a much more harmonious marriage.

Love isn’t always perfect and love makes mistakes sometimes. But in the end, what love really “is” is a willingness to adapt, to change, and to grow with your partner. You can make positive changes. He can make positive changes. And you will be back together soon enough, this time, with a deeper love and understanding.

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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