Uh oh! You might have had sex with your guy crush a little too early. I always say, “Don’t sleep with him until he falls for you.”

But let’s face it, not every guy is going to say, “I’m in love with you, let’s make love!” No, guys are going to be just as guarded and cautious as you are.

But they ARE going to want to move things into the bedroom, and they’ll be doing that from day one. At some point, you’re going to feel an emotional connection and hopefully get back a signal from him, suggesting that he is emotionally attracted to you too—not just physical curiosity.

When that time comes and you reach that point of no return, ending the night with an amazing night in bed…

What happens next?

You KNOW he’s not in love with you yet. Yeah maybe there’s an emotional attachment or a “spark” but he’s not exactly on his knees with a proposal yet. Did you mess things up?

Absolutely not! Don’t think that way. While I do think sex on the first couple of dates is a bad idea, making him wait a few months and testing his patience is really all that matters. Because once he shows you he is up for the long-term relationship, and once that emotional connection happens, you still hold all the power.

Here are the next five steps in the progression of seducing a man’s mind.

1. Make the afterglow feel like a SAFE PLACE.

Don’t be weird, don’t be clingy or cutesy or try to imply anything about the future. The future is a big question mark and that’s just fine with you. All you care about in this moment is the wonderful experience you both had and how basking in the morning glow is a marvelous feeling. Let him become comfortable with you.

Don’t talk too much. Smile, give him just enough eye contact to make him feel proud and virile. But don’t stare too long. Let him talk. Ask more questions about who he is and what he likes.

And then, after a good hour or so of afterglow time (use your judgment on timing) LEAVE FIRST. Make sure he’s feeling good and wanting to talk more. And then politely inform him it’s time for you to go home. Say you have an appointment and then get out of their ASAP.

There’s no need to be bitter or cold. Warmth is good, but you don’t want to stay until things get awkward and he suggests you should leave. Leave first, always.

2. Appreciate the night you had, but accept that it’s over.

A lot of women make the mistake of playing hard to get right after sex. There’s no need to aggressively play mind games. Instead, be happy about what happened but ACCEPT that it’s over. He has made no commitment to you, and so you are single once again. He does NOT earn any friends with benefits privileges. That is not what you do.

3. Focus on staying sexy, keeping busy and being successful.

He needs to understand that your life is complete without him. You will continue to be successful in life (and don’t fake this part—always be real. Work towards self-improvement). You will continue to be busy, showing him that you are not available whenever he has the whim to see you. He really has to make plans to see you again. And lastly, let him know that you are still going to be sexy…for other men. You dress sexy and look incredible because that’s who you are. If he wants you again, he better start giving you the attention you deserve.

4. Reward him for effort and withdraw when he gives you no attention or the wrong kind of attention.

It’s important to understand the “chase” in a date. You are not pushing him away repeatedly, hoping he will chase you against all odds. Instead, you reward him and encourage him to chase you by acknowledging his behavior. You laugh when he tries to be funny. You give him your full attention when he shows up, wanting to talk. You give him the smile that warms his heart when he smiles first.

At the same time, however, you do not chase him. You don’t send him texts or calls without him first contacting you. You don’t imply things when you talk. You don’t hang around hoping he’ll notice you. None of that. He only gets attention when he earns it.

5. Teach him that more shared emotional experiences get more sexual attention.

He will be approaching you for more sex soon enough (especially if everything about the last encounter was positive). Now it’s time to show him that (A) you don’t give away free sex just because you like a guy—he has to earn it; and (B) the best way to earn it is to think EMOTIONAL, not just physical.

This means you get him to confide in you about his favorite things—his career, his hobbies, his family and outlook on life. You encourage him, subtle as always, to open up about who he is. This puts him in a vulnerable state of mind. He quickly learns that sex with you only comes at an emotional cost. The only way you’re turned on is if this affair is REAL and emotionally arousing. Bonding emotionally is what turns you on and his consistent performance – wanting to bond with you and share memories and feelings – is the best way to get you into bed.

I guarantee you shallow guys won’t stick around for this. (They’ll probably abandon ship at date 2 or 3) Meanwhile, he’s going to be falling in love realizing that he can talk to you openly and honestly in a way he’s never talked to anyone before.

The next time you have sex, you make it EVEN BETTER. You fulfill his fantasy. You explore his boundaries for sensual and erotic pleasure.

And then you confide in him about the things he’s curious about. Your life, your outlook, your hobbies, and passions. You show yourself vulnerable, just as he has already done. Emotional bonding then becomes deeper, even as the sex becomes so amazingly intimate and addictive. All the while he confides in you, you’re learning what he needs to be happy and you’re giving him the ideal wife he wants—and is basically telling you that he wants.

As you can see, sex doesn’t mean the “end” of a courtship. It’s the beginning. The beginning of the next phase, when you get him addicted to you, by becoming his ultimate sexual fantasy and his best friend who understands him at a much deeper level than everyone else.

Try these techniques and watch him fall head over heels in love with you!

This makes him see you as the One Special Woman in his life…

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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