If you’ve made it clear that you WANT a certain man—and flirted with him, paid close attention to him, and maybe even asked him out, you may be waiting for a big payoff.
Maybe you’re waiting for him to sweep you off your feet. To be romantic. To have sex or to propose to you if you’ve gone that far.
But you’re still waiting. And little by little, he seems to be stalling or maybe even regressing in the relationship.
What in the world went wrong? How can a man be intensely into you one minute and then fall out of love in just a few weeks?
You’re confused. You’re desperate to try something, anything, to get his attention back. And that’s when your friend tells you…
“You need to STOP chasing him immediately. Get him to chase you instead.”
That is good friendly advice but there’s a little more to it than that. Let’s discuss four things that happen when you actually stop chasing a man and how this affects the relationship.
1. He immediately misses you.
It’s practically a scientific fact that when we lose something or someone, or start to see less of them, then we value that special something even more so. The more familiar, the more we take it for granted. So if you’ve been rather persistent and bold about getting your man’s attention and sending him strong signals…and then you suddenly stop the behavior…then yes, he immediately misses you. He enjoyed the attention you were giving him and now wants it back. Will it be enough to push him to chase you for a change? Not so fast…
2. He thinks back to what the relationship did for him.
Now is a time of personal reflection. He may be missing you, but he’s also wondering if he’s happier without you, or if being away from you has opened up more opportunities for him. In short, he’s thinking selfishly. At this stage, he will think back to how you made him feel. How much fun he had talking to you, bonding with you, and how much you had in common. At this point, ideally, you would have bonded together and shared many wonderful memories. You see, he’s not just missing the attention you gave him, he’s missing these powerful emotional experiences. If he doesn’t seem to chase you back, or at least give you some attention, then there wasn’t much interaction going on.
3. If he’s interested, he finds out that chasing you, instead of waiting for you to chase him, is invigorating. It makes him feel more like a man. And it makes him want you all the more.
Men like the feeling they get from working hard and reaping a big reward. It’s in our nature. It’s what makes the reward worth fighting for and training for in the first place. A man usually doesn’t want something that’s cheap or that he can get for free. There’s no effort involved in getting it. And if it’s that cheap or that free, then there’s nothing that makes his reaching that goal special.
Men want to feel special. They want to feel as if not just anyone could have accomplished this great task—only YOU, Sir. Only YOU, Oh Great One.
That’s the masculine mindset, at least when it comes to chasing women. They will always respond more intensively if they have the ego boost of being the aggressor.
You could trace it back to evolutionary theory and say that men are hunters. Perhaps there’s new evidence to contract this, but I do happen to believe that men are by nature providers. They want to impress their partner with the ability to give in resources. This starts the attraction and fortifies the relationship over time. This attracts the woman to the man and makes him excited to work—eager to impress her with his unique talents for providing.
Men also enjoy the ego boost that comes from fighting and defeating other men for the attention of a beautiful woman, symbolically or literally, they want to win. When you make it a little hard on them and a little hard on every other man for that matter, it promotes good competition. The men work harder…and your crush pushes himself to win you over and out-man everyone else!
4. When you stop chasing, you can actually focus on being receptive—this is more attractive to a man.
Just because you make a choice not to “chase” doesn’t mean you have to be indifferent or cold to a man’s affections. You can still show a receptive face and positive body language, which encourage your crush to keep pursuing you. For example, you could make a conscious effort to smile, to react with expressive faces (at pivotal points in the conversation), and touch him on the arm or shoulder when he makes you laugh. Focus on keeping strong eye contact and on helping him along in conversation by interacting with him and keeping things fun.
Then, when he’s all buttered up and he thinks you like him…
Do nothing. Make him understand that if he wants all these positive and sexy reactions from you, he must earn your attention. He must be persistent, creative and very sure of what he wants. Because until he makes it clear that he wants a commitment, your only goal should be to remain a confident woman, attached to no one.
Not chasing him means you don’t call him or text him constantly. You’re not trying to sell yourself or stop him from dating other women. You’re not going to let fear of losing him motivate you, because that’s his job.
Your focus should be on rewarding him for the attention he does give you—right down to the very end of it, when you reward him with the best sexual fantasy of his life. And when you reward him by becoming his loving wife. These are the rewards he seeks and he will seek them out once he realizes that you don’t give this special kind of intimacy away for free.
Don’t give your heart or your body away for free. Make sure he appreciates who you are and your finest qualities.
It’s not actually about you stopping all activity and become unresponsive. It’s simply about thinking of yourself in a different way and carrying yourself with more class and more grace as a self-confident woman. It’s about knowing what he desires, as well as knowing why he likes you in the first place.
What does he desire? Why of course, you, because you are the prize he seeks to win. Take pride in who you are and he will always respect you.
Have you heard about The Heartbreak Treadmill?
This is the mistake that women make that make good men lose interest and feel like they want to pull away and disappear on you.
You can learn more about it here…
There are 4 things that you can do to get on The Heartbreak Treadmill…
This makes you feel like you’re giving everything to a man or a relationship.
And if you’re like most women, all you’ll receive for it is…
Being taken for granted…
Treated like an option…
And put as a secondary priority in a man’s life…
And I don’t want that for you.
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you want to make sure you stay off The Heartbreak Treadmill and instead have your man pursue you for a committed relationship, click the link below…
I am 27 and I thought I finally found the guy of my dreams and I mean it, I have never met a guy that kind and amazing as him and never was so sure about wanting future with him. We have been together almost nine years. He proposed to me back in May this year but I was not ready as I was not stable and did not havr a job. But considering he was so sure about us and our future together I was happy about it. Last two month he started to pull away from me. I thought probably it was because of his new project at work. I reacted in the worst manner we had a fight. From there we resolved and I gave him space. Probably because of my previous disastrous relationships I made drama out of each time he demonstrated me less affection then before. We did not talk a lot just texted once awhile, I was all the time stressed he will stop loving me and eventually that exactly what happened. Last week he told me he is not sure anymore about us. He doesn’t feel the same any more, he has lost attraction and thinks of breaking up. And then a few days ago he told me he don’t have feelings anymore and wanted a breakup.
What should I do? Despite all of this I really believe in us and love him. And that makes me so unhappy that we could have been so much more and now we broke up even without a really seeing our potential. Do you think it is possible to make him feel attracted to me again? Please give me an advice how should I proceed to have a chance in winning him back?
Leave him alone. Do not text or call him. If he wants you, he will pursue you. He will wonder what happened and be up your butt. If he doesn’t, at least you will have closure in knowing that maybe he isn’t the one for you.
I totally agree with you.
I TOTALLY AGREE
Count it as a lesson and move on , then maybe he’ll come around if he doesn’t hus loss your gain
From a guys perspective, when he proposed to you and you in essence said no, that is a terrible blow, not just to his ego, but in the way he thought you felt about him. He may not have shown it, but it must have hurt him inside. He put it all out there to propose to you because he felt ready to make the commitment and he was turned down. From his point of view, he is wondering if you really love him and he is wondering where this relationship is going. Are you expecting him to ask you again?
Be there and let him see you dont look sad look happy and dont chase him. If he speaks just have a general chat about stuff and be nice. I think eventually he will realise what he’s missing x
I know what I did wrong with him. You are right no chasing on my part. Do miss him.sad part met online never exchange numbers but know where each other lives. He blocked me so I can’t even text him.
If he has blocked you then you should move on. You could actually find yourself in legal trouble if you go to his residence.
Hi.. I’m 30 this year. I’ve known this guy for around 3-4months and right after he lost his ex in an accident. He told me he likes me and that when we get into a relationship, it would be working out till marriage and nothing lesser. He also told me I’m a rebound but he wants to work things out with me. Recently, he has been slightly distance and he says he doesn’t know what he wants and that nothing gives him happiness anymore. He used to meet me everyday but that has decreased a lot and now when I ask to meet him or even spend time with him, he says I’ve become demanding. He also said that he doesn’t know what he wants as nothing gives him happiness anymore. There was also once where he said that he only comes to meet me as that makes me happy but not him. I’ve told him I’m willing to wait and that he can take his time in recovering as he might be in depression. We are not in love but I do like him. I’m totally lost and have no idea on what to do. Pls help. Thank you.
I had almost the exact same situation happen to me but he basically went back to his ex. One little argument made him go back to her it seems. :/
My dear sister we are in the same boat, I actually went through the same scenario. And I had thousand thoughts.
My relationship never works I don’t know why
Am seeing a man who says he
can’t see a future with me but wants me in his life as a fwb , so we’ve gone from him texting chatting daily to sometimes not even replying to my texts or calling when says will
Not making plans . What should I do especially as have fallen for him
We are both in our mid sixtiies
Don’t be his FWB. Don’t call or text him or try to communicate in any way. Make him miss you.
As painful as it will be you have to stop allowing him to use you. That’s exactly what he’s doing sweetie and you deserve better than that. Stop responding to his messages, don’t contact him. I know that isn’t going to be an easy task especially since you’ve fallen for him, but you’ve got to show him that you aren’t going to settle for anything less than what you want and deserve. If you continue to let him control the when, if and how of things he will only be driven further away. Stay strong and always remember you are a strong and beautiful woman
Girl I’d move on & find someone better. Don’t wait around for him. He sounds like a dog.
Can relationship work with out living together or marriage?
I quit chasing him and while he said he has fallen in love with me… he can’t say those three little words. We separated and it was in February we last talked. A month plus has gone by and nada…. he said he doesn’t want to try again. He was the one who got caught on line with other women when he said he wanted exclusive relationship, both agreeing to remove our profile and then a few months later I decided to peek to see if he had…. found out he had just been on line chatting with someone 4 hours earlier. So he lied, deceived me to make his competitors go away but he still was chasing others. It was an LDR. He swamped himself with work and then bit by bit filled his calendar up with work when it was supposed to be our time. Move on…. cut your losses short. Players will be players. Quit pining for him. Men are like busses, 1 will come by every 5 minutes. It’s the fastest way to gain your sanity and be in the catbird seat. Let his last memory of you be your backside walking out of his life for good. Remember, there is a valid reason for breaking up. Once that china plate drops and shatters, it will never ever go back together the same again. Sorry Matthew, I disagree. Just move on and say ” Next…..”
Tammy
EWhy is it the men are the ones who do this? They love to chase a woman but once they have her heart they run. They break women’s hearts. We shouldn’t have to play games wiyh them
What about 23yrs together married 20yrs. And you explained him so well. I tried the not chasing. I have had to move to the state next to where we lived because we are having to move and I moved to my father’s house and I am looking for a place. Everyone is saying if he loves you he’ll follow. There’s nothing holding him back from coming to live with me but it seems like when it comes time there’s an excuse to not come. He doesn’t call me or call back AT ALL. Even when he promises to. I am alone and we’ve never been apart before and it doesn’t seem to bother him at all but I miss him so much. I need advice because I don’t want to loose him.
You’ve already lost him it seems .
He’s probably dating and his ego is telling him he’s popular with the ladies !
It’s a new world out there since you two met ! Lots of lonely ladies out there online telling him how “ wonderful “ he is !
Lady (ies), STOP reaching. Stop chasing MEN! It was stated in a relationship, one reach-one pull. STOP just let a GREAT fall into your LAP.
I was seeing someone who chased me, things developed between us and now all of a sudden over the last month I dont hear anything from him he is the one that went cold on me. The chasing thing happened but now I have stopped will he come back to me
I av a guy that we have been in relationship for more than 8years now, but suddenly he just breakup with me and i try to sort things out be i couldnt. In 2019 i found another guy which he propose to me in MAY and now the first guy came back asking for apology and i still love him but am scared because i dont want to lose the second guy we just meet. Pls i need advice
The only question is: Do you want to waste another 8 years? What else could he learn about you that he didn’t know in EIGHT YEARS. If he didn’t love you enough to ask you then, this latest move is motivated only by jealousy and fear of being alone. The proposal came from a place of love. Which place do you want to live in, a place of love, or a place of jealousy and fear. NO. Again, no. Don’t do it girl, because as soon as he has you, he’s the same man you were with before. No one “loves” a woman like a man that doesn’t have her.
I was ghosted out of long distance relationship when he met a girl who pretended to be a good person . He was so sad he fell into a rebound relationship with her. He was with her for 2 years and the she cheated on him after she mentally abused him. When he re entered my life a year ago he was sorry and basically wanted to build a relationship with me again over long distance but about a month ago he started helping another women with her emotional baggage and get out of a bad relationship. He’s been pushing me away in that time frame then he tells me he wants to just be friends. I told him after everything we’ve been through together he would loose me by friend zoning me. So I tried Matthew Coasts self love meditation method and found that it helped me gain control over my emotions and I was able think clearly for the 1st time in a long time I came to realization that I loved my man enough to put his happiness and needs above my own and I told him his happiness is what matters to me most. Even if I’m not the one who is a part of that. Now he’s slowly starting to focus on me again and actually listening to what I’m saying and making plans again. By putting him above myself and willing to let him go he’s decided he doesn’t want to loose me I also found I’m no longer jealous of anyone he spends time with. A total sense of calm has set over me. I now know that whatever happens everything will be okay! I realized he had started falling out of love me when he ghosted me. So when he came back to me I wasn’t the same person I was broken and bitter so when this new women entered his life he saw in her what he loved about me and had drawn him to me it started drawing him towards her. We both have always brought the best out in each other and long distance took its toll on both of us him more then me. I now know that validation of each other’s feelings goes a long way in keeping the communication alive and strong! Which is something I forgot and will never forget again! Thank you!
Hi everyone! I have been divorced for 3 years. But was married for 20 years. Just started dating again. I met this man, who is about an hour away from me. I like him. We met once and have a second date tonight. I think I may have been over-texting, FB friend requested him … of which he accepted. But I have made it a habit to say good night and good morning since we started talking. Last night, I texted him good night after I got home from a bar with a couple of friends. Was NOT drunk … and didn’t say anything else except for …. “just wanted to say GN, sleep tight, talk to you tomorrow. And normally … up until today, he has been the good morning “texter”. He didn’t message me back last night, but I KNEW he was in bed. But I also have gotten nothing from him this morning either. I’m sure that I’m being over sensitive here (maybe). But … what do I do with this? Especially since we have plans to meet in 6 hours. Do I wait for him to text me/call me? Did I just over do it right out of the gate? Is it too late? This dating world is INSANE to try and figure out as a 42 year old woman! Haha! I have dated since my divorce, but nothing serious. I’m finally ready for a more serious relationship now, and I DO like this man. Advice???
What is a test situation I guess I would have to look and see if I was you why the first time left and how they treated me why the pros and cons and the effort each one of you put into the relationship if you were the other person was making futuristic plans to include that person when the first person was already out of the picture and living their life with whomever they drop 24 and then put yourself in the second person‘s shoe and see what they might feel or what they may be thinking because of you possibly going cold or put the distance between without explanation how would you feel if a lot of time has passed between you and The First I really consider pitching yourself neither one of them because the first one may be just trying to lead you wan use you and then when you don’t have a second person because you push that one away or in the process of pushing a person away without getting calls in the first want to satisfied because now you’re not happy at all that’s what I would think anyways continue a situation where someone is pushing me away but I love this person to death I’d lay down my life for this person and they don’t even realize the depths of my words mini scenarios have popped up and this is one of them above all be honest with the second person Anakeesta second person of what you may be doing or what you did making it look like it’s them and I’m not gonna chase I want to know if a person really wants me and has good intentions and Will for me for us relationships are two-sided not one-sided on any level
I started seeing a man about 7 years ago. In the beginning he chased me and I loved it and he seemed to love that I loved it. We are both very passionate and have high sex drivrs , look forward to our next unique fun and exciting rondevoo ranging from having fun in semi public places , too role playing (complete with costumes) we would do this type of playing with each other a couple times a week. And neither of us had any trouble keeping UP until recently and now suddenly and all at once he’s not interested anymore and doesn’t want to do much of anything with me. What have I done wrong and can I fix it?I have fallen hard for him and I’m terrified he is bored and ready to move on with someone else.
I’ve been on Match. Com and plenty of fish. Every man on there seems to be a scammers. Where can you find a good man?
Ok I’m with this guy, we are late 50’s, known each other 2 years get on great, no problems. 3 weeks ago he said I was amazing & mentioned moving in together. He suffers mental health problems & has been worrying about his father. Suddenly last week he said he has to look after his dad & can’t handle mentally anyone else, so can’t see me any more. I’m so confused, what can I do?
Well I was with this man he was SO nice and SO kind until all of a sudden we were ‘not a match ‘ I was so sad so heartbroken I called and texted and called him into unresponsiveness I just don’t know what to do he’s obviously dealing with his own problems yes but I want him to actually want me again….. need help on this