One of the most confusing twists that might happen in a casual flirting situation is that after a lot of good conversation, he just suddenly drops out.
Not like disappearing or ghosting entirely. More like he always seems tired or bored, or just not that into you. Maybe his replies are short. His comments are predictable. Or maybe he shares a meme every now and then, but is basically treating you like a dude friend.
That’s not really where you want to be! You want your texting relationship to evolve into a dating relationship. So texting should be more interactive, more exciting, and definitely lead to a progressive dialog.
If he has stalled or seems disinterested, don’t assume it’s just because:
A. He’s really tired. (Nah, men usually aren’t so tired that they avoid women!)
B. He’s mad at you.
C. He’s talking to someone else.
D. He just realized he is not compatible with you and is dating someone who is a better
match for his values(!)
The (D) option is way off track! Because guys usually don’t have great intellectual epiphanies on why they shouldn’t be with some woman they like. No, more like guys just follow their heart and their concrete sense of logic.
Most guys don’t experience these existential moments. They just like what they like. And so, if you want his attention back it’s time to jumpstart the conversation.
How can do you this?
Let’s consider some ideas for how to get him texting again, without confronting him and causing unnecessary stress.
1. Don’t be more available – be less!
It’s time to stop trying so hard just as a general rule. It’s also time to stop worrying about whether he will be offended at your post. Why? Because that negative energy of trying too hard, of desperation, and seeking approval is only going to hurt the dynamic between you.
Instead of spending hours at a time carefully crafting posts, get busy doing something else. Remind yourself that your time is valuable and you have other hobbies besides men, besides always looking for their approval.
Not only will a guy get curious as to why you’re busy all the time…but he will also start to sense that something is different about you.
Working on yourself and being kind to yourself will only attract other people towards you. It produces more positive energy in you.
Then, next time you text him, you are instantly more interesting. More educated. More charismatic. And since your time is valuable and he knows that, he works harder to keep your attention.
2. Don’t take things too seriously – be funny.
Too many people make the same mistake when texting. They either write ultra-serious things or they just write boring everyday chat like Hey, What’s Up?
Wrong! Texting is best served when it’s short, exciting, and yes, funny!
Think more about something fun you would talk about on a date. Crazy questions. Funny stories. Or at the very least, ridiculous memes or headlines you saw, that reminded you of him. This might well be the best way to take the pressure off of “text dating” and instead, just enjoy chatting as friends – friends who happen to be attracted to each other.
3. Flirt with him overtly but make it tongue-in-cheek and funny.
There’s nothing wrong with flirting with a guy. Empowered women can get away with it. In fact, it’s far more common that women make the first move…it’s just that it’s usually a very subtle move that the man falls for. Before long, the man thinks he’s making the first move. See how that works?
The only catch is you have to keep things a little conservative and subtle, so as not to scare him away with anything too aggressive.
Men admire women who acknowledge the sexual tension that exists, and yet who can keep things funny, natural, and not too embarrassing. Saying something as simple as, “Why are you always scheming something, you rebel rouser?” or “Stop thinking about me at work, I get those pingbacks you know!” can get an easy laugh out of him.
Doing so also lets him know that it’s okay to flirt back and forth, and there’s no fear of rejection involved, as long as he keeps things cool. Flirting without the serious talk of commitment… it’s actually a great way to start a conversation!
4. Ask yourself if the conversation is fun – something you yourself would reply to!
Another problem in texting is that some people think there’s an obligation to say something – anything – when there’s actually not. You shouldn’t say boring or weird things via text! At all, for no reason.
Maybe this instinct comes from another dating rule: that it’s better to say “Hi!” in person than to be afraid and say nothing at all. Well, sure…but that’s IN PERSON.
That’s not not texting. So ask yourself, if a guy you didn’t know very well was texting you, would you be inclined to answer his text messages if he wrote the same things that you wrote?
If not, maybe it’s time to spend more time finding ideas for topics, jokes, and other conversation starters, rather than relying on pure instinct. Our instincts don’t always make for interesting conversation. No wonder all those TV talk shows have pre-interviews. No one likes a boring show where people chat about the weather!
5. Ask questions that get him to think about topics he loves.
Once you get passed all the laughter, it’s okay to have a few serious chats. Nothing too dark or personal yet. Instead, try to focus on the mission of getting him to open up about something he likes. It’s really that simple.
Does he have a hobby? A passion, an art? His career might be the “safe” topic, but it’s usually not what he cares about the most. Once you find that passion, whether hidden or even out in the open (plastered all over his social media page maybe?) then try shifting the conversation back to that subject.
You can be subtle about it, and mention something in passing…or you can ask him outright, showing him that you respect his knowledge and authority on the subject.
Guys love this! Because very few people ever ask them about their passion project, their beliefs, even their opinions. Once you get him to open up about his life and what’s going on inside his head, friendship blossoms. And if you maintain the romantic attraction between the two of you, it’s only a matter of time before the fireworks go off.
6. Share interesting moments of your life.
Finally, if you’re completely out of ideas, try sharing something personal about yourself. Nothing too embarrassing or disturbing! Just think of your text chats with him like a second Instagram account. What pictures could you send him about places you’ve gone? What books or news articles have you read that you found interesting? What made you laugh today. What inspired you today?
Keep these posts up and he will learn to anticipate interesting posts from you. Great…now he’s more likely to respond because he wants to hear more!
Remember, getting him to reply after he fades away, is just a matter of redirecting his attention to something specific, something positive, and something joyful he can associate with you. Build a better “image” of yourself in his mind with great texts…and he will start to communicate more often.
Text him this to trigger his desire to chase you…
Did you know that you can trigger a man’s hormones through your text messages?
It’s true. How you communicate with a man can actually release different hormones in his body.
One of the most important ones is testosterone because that’s what makes him CHASE you, pursue you, and invest in you so that he gets “hooked” and desires something more with you.
Want to trigger this in your man?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You can actually trigger a “cocktail of emotions” inside a man that makes him feel like he can’t get you out of his mind and even feel addicted to you, if you text him a certain way.
