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Blowing Hot and Cold Psychology - How to Deal with a Hot and Cold Guy.

Blowing Hot and Cold Psychology – How to Deal with a Hot and Cold Guy

I’ve met some women who ask me about the dangers of dating “players”. And they ask me questions like, “How do I avoid falling for their lies?” or “resist their mind control” and “How can I resist falling for the act?” and stuff like that.

There seems to be an almost sensational fear of getting mixed up in a relationship with a player, as if he’s an evil Machiavellian genius.

There seems to be an almost sensational fear of getting mixed up with a player, as if he’s an evil Machiavellian genius.

Well let me put your mind at ease. Most guys who are “players” are not that smart. These hot and cold guys are not evil geniuses, and they’re not masterminds of seduction. Even the narcissistic and dangerous ones are not that hard to spot if you’re paying attention to the signs.

These guys pretty much have one trick going for them. Be funny, be confident and try to be as much of a dick as you can, without upsetting the feelings of the girl you’re dating.

That’s it. Not much more to it. So my advice has always been if you don’t want to date a hot and cold player (who’s very easy to spot) then don’t go out with them. Don’t get together with them and think you can change their behavior. A guy acts how he wants and isn’t going to change his behavior on a whim. Don’t laugh and drink with them and make the mistake of sleeping with them too soon. Same advice I give to any woman who’s looking for a serious relationship.

So let’s review some more details about WHY women find hot and cold players attractive in the first place and see if we can analyze how to better deal with these guys, knowing what their relationship strategy is.

What’s the Hot and Cold Strategy?

One of the most obvious signs that you’re dating a player is if he’s doing the old “hot and cold” routine. One minute the guy is very into you, very charming and attentive, and the next minute he becomes distant, surly and maybe even a little rude.

The hot and cold strategy works because it’s part of a formula. Lots of “hot” attention or love-bombing in the beginning and then a sudden and abrupt STOP.

Now that all the attention is gone, you’re left wondering what you did wrong and why the guy is no longer into you. So now your desire to talk to him has increased dramatically, even to the point of obsession, IF you don’t understand what he’s doing with this hold and cold strategy and why.

And…then the hot and cold cycle repeats itself until, he figures, you sleep with him.

Like I said, not an evil genius. Kind of just a really simple hot and cold technique that works on some women.

How to Manage Relationships with Hot and Cold Guys

So now that you understand the hot and cold cycle, let’s discuss two ways to respond: (1) I’m not interested in a player or (2) I’m interested in the guy but don’t want to get hurt!

1: “I’m not interested.”

Some women are completely uninterested in players because all they do is “play” – they play mind games and want sex. Nothing about their flirting style is real and so they’re not serious long-term relationship material.

So if you’re not interested in what these guys provide (which is sex and mind games) DON’T fall for the hot and cold cycle. Yes, of course you’re going to like the guy because he will do everything he can to entertain you, impress you and make good conversation. But you know how this is going to end. He’ll come on strong but then turn the interactions into a cold relationship.

So one night stand, fine…but a serious relationship? Nah, never going to go anywhere because you can’t change a man from what he is or what he wants in a relationship.

And hot and cold players don’t want commitment in a relationship. If they did want a committed dating relationship, they wouldn’t be “playing.”

Now the complicated part comes with option (2) where you really do like the guy but you know he’s playing you, since he’s doing the Hot and Cold thing.

2: “I like him but I don’t want to get hurt!”

If your desire is to “change” a player and make him fall in love with you and to turn him into a good boy, then I just can’t give you any specific encouragement. I really think the whole concept of “changing a man” is flawed. You shouldn’t expect to change a man’s behavior. 

However, if you actually do love your hot and cold man despite his flaws, or if you’ve bonded with him in a special way that’s beyond the superficial, (more on that in a moment) then I can help you.

 

Navigating Your Hot and Cold Relationship

The strategy for having a relationship with hot and cold guys is to:

  1. Don’t give him the negative reaction he wants to his hot and cold behavior. Challenge him, by ignoring his “cold phase.” Essentially, you play cold with him when he plays cold with you. You don’t try to fix things. You don’t beg for his attention. And you don’t care, when you sense that he doesn’t care.
  2. Do NOT under any circumstances sleep with him, even if it feels right. It’s important to not reward cold behavior with sex. Because that’s the only leverage he will have on you when it happens. If you resist sleeping with him, he can’t keep doing the same hot and cold cycle because he will soon learn that his cold behavior only brings cold, non-flirty behavior from you too.
  3. Reward him slightly for the “hot” phase, the good attention that he gives you. But once again, don’t sleep with him. In essence, you’re training him to be always hot and always attentive. He’ll learn that acting hot gets a positive response from your and it will encourage him to act hot more frequently.
  4. Reward him a LOT when he is actually trying to be real and honest with you. Reward him, when he makes a genuine effort to communicate with you about who he is and what he really wants in a relationship.

Your system of reward and non-reaction is the best defense against a hot and cold player. You teach him that hot attention works, cold attention never works, but HONEST and REAL attention is what makes you really feel attracted to him.

I don’t think all hot and cold players are bad men or narcissistic. They are just men who are too afraid of commitment in a relationship and who are moving at a very slow pace when it comes to real intimacy. They take things one at a time and hesitate to take a step towards a committed relationship. 

They can change…but only when it’s their idea. You can’t cure them of their baggage from personal issues and past relationships, you can’t make them love you. They will only grow up and move on when they are ready to do so.

They will eventually realize that a long-term relationship is built on honesty, intimacy, and empathy. That’s when they will try to be real and try to meet a high-value woman they really can fall in love with. So the best thing to do is to determine if your hot and cold guy just wants sex (meaning he’s not ready to change) or if he’s really at that point where he could open his heart and share his feelings.

The key is not sleeping with him until he falls in love with you. We talk about that in some other articles on this site, so look those up if you get a spare moment for more advice on getting him to fall in love. In the meantime just remember, Hot = Hot and Cold = Cold. You now know enough to play their hot and cold game and win.

The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life

There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…

It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…

But it only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…

It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…

And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…

Have you figured out what it is yet?

Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…

And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…

Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…

Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…

A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…

And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…

Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…

If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…

I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…

Click here to watch the video now <<

My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry since 2005…

I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…

Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…

When you click the link this link right here <<

I will show you what this 5 word phrase is…

I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…

And how to attract the man you want…

Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…

No matter how painful things have been in your past…

You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…

Just click the link on your screen and watch the video right now…

If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…

If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…

And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…

Click this link to watch my video right now <<

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