It’s time to talk about one of the greatest threats to your life. An underestimated threat and one that very few people ever see coming. That is: self-defeating behavior.
The definition of self-defeating behavior is to act out against your own plan of success. You might even do certain things subconsciously. You have thoughts of following a plan to completion but then take actions that destroy any chance of success before it happens. Or, you might make friends that will give you bad advice, thereby defeating your plans for success.
Or think of it this way. If you know that eating certain kinds of foods, like say donuts, is going to make you sick but you eat it anyway and ruin the rest of your day, that could be another self-defeating behavior. Consciously you want to do something, but unconsciously you are afraid or resistant to the idea of actually accomplishing the task.
Now do understand there are degrees of self-defeating personality. It can be a few habits (like cheating on your diet), or it can actually be a personality disorder if it brings along far-reaching effects like depression, guilt, or destructive habits that get a person into trouble.
And guess what? Unless it’s a severe personality disorder, (which it usually isn’t unless a doctor tells you otherwise) self-defeating behavior is caused by one very simple thing.
A thought.
A negative and destructive thought designed to chip away at your self-confidence and your happiness. We have these thoughts frequently, especially if what we want and what we’re afraid of, are in direct conflict.
Sometimes people dream of having nice things but quickly realize they don’t want the responsibility of what comes with achieving that dream. Or maybe they’re afraid of some aspect of success. This creates a pattern of dreaming and then sabotaging your own goals.
And once again, it always starts with a thought.
So guess what? Negative thoughts can destroy relationships.
Even very good relationships where you’re perfectly happy. It all starts with a series of negative thoughts, and if you dwell on those thoughts, soon enough your actions will resemble your thoughts. Then your entire perception of reality will be warped and affected by those negative thoughts.
So what you want to do is quickly identify the negative thought patterns, recognize them for what they are, and then challenge those negative thoughts with more realistic and hopeful observations.
Let’s start by considering eight thoughts that can start to deteriorate your relationship, day by day, even if it’s healthy and happy.
1. He stopped loving me.
Did he say that? Has he really implied that? The more you focus on these toxic thoughts, the more you subconsciously make them a reality. Don’t feed into paranoia. Focus on what he does say.
2. I’ll bet he’s cheating on me.
If he really is the type of man who would cheat and lie about it, don’t get together with him! But if you entered into the relationship with love and trust, you must give him the freedom and opportunity to prove his loyalty. Always suspecting him of infidelity only tells him you don’t trust or respect him.
3. If only he was more like my ex-boyfriend.
Comparing someone to another person is a terrible thing to do. Maybe you wouldn’t do this outright, but even doing it in subtle ways can be damaging. He doesn’t want to be compared to anyone else. Leave old baggage in the past. Focus only on the man he is now.
4. I shouldn’t have to tell him what I’m feeling. He should know.
Can you imagine if this attitude was brought into government, or down at the office, or pretty much anywhere else in life? It’s a damaging attitude to have because misunderstandings happen all the time. He might suspect something is wrong, but demanding that he instantly know you, as if it’s some test he has to pass, is not showing him love or respect. It’s looking for conflict when there is none.
5. What happened? Why aren’t things the way they used to be between us?
Comparing your current relationship to the ideal past is also a no-go. Everything changes and evolves. Things will never be the exact “same” but the love between can grow stronger if you are willing to adapt to those changes.
6. How does he not know that (about me) by now?
Once again, holding your partner to a perfect standard is just asking for trouble. We all make mistakes, we have memory lapses, and we misspeak or forget. Instead of evaluating his love for you based on what he remembers, evaluate him on how much effort he has to please you!
7. I’m not nagging, I’m just trying to help him.
It might make perfect sense to you, but remember that your partner has a different perspective. To him, you may be speaking a negative language of love – a nagging voice, a critical voice, (which he hears) and not the helpful voice that you hear. Negotiating tone and voice and even the words you use can be important in minimizing conflict.
8. I’ll bet I would be happier with so and so.
Of course, we all might have passing sexual fantasies and infatuations and this is normal. But once you start imagining your daily life with someone else – as if someone else could make you happier than the person you’re with – you’ve already given up the struggle to stay “in love.” Once you start looking for that greener grass on the other side, so to speak, you check out of the relationship you’re in now. Focus on what you have if you value it.
Remember, negative thought patterns are what start a self-defeating habit. If you can control your thoughts, you can gain back control over your actions. That is what will allow you to reach your goal. Assuming your goals are researched and realistic, ALL that stands in your way for a healthy and happy relationship are your negative thoughts. Don’t just dismiss them – challenge them, debunk them, and then dismiss them. You will start to feel better within minutes, and day by day, you will have conquered self-sabotaging behavior.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5 word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and the watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
Its so right ..thanks about the reminder