7 Signs You Need to Walk Away From a Dysfunctional Relationship

A dysfunctional relationship is something that seems difficult to define and sometimes difficult to spot too. After all, love is imperfect, right? We all make mistakes. Sometimes we hurt our partner’s feelings and feel bad about it afterwards. Isn’t pain just part of a normal relationship?

Well maybe rapper Eminem said it best…

“You ever love somebody so much
You can barely breathe when you’re with ’em?
You meet, and neither one of you even know what hit ’em
Got that warm fuzzy feelin’
Yeah, them chills used to get ’em
Now you’re gettin’ sooo sick of lookin’ at ’em?”

Dysfunctional relationships are just like that. They hurt a great deal and yet they feel strangely “right”, as if you’re meant to be together. You understand each other. Yet, you bring out the worst in each other.

Dysfunctional relationships are characterized by poor communication, emotional abuse, and a sense of codependency by one or both partners. It’s out of control and you feel crazy for wanting to save the relationship…but ending it is just as scary.

The worst part of a dysfunctional relationship is that it affects other people. You’re not the only one that suffers…eventually your children will suffer. They will learn that this type of insane relationship is “normal” …that it’s what they should be looking for later on. This type of relationship is also hard on your family who will never understand why you tolerate this kind of abuse.

Really, it’s best for you to consider a second opinion on the matter and stop relying on your own instincts to be the judge.

Are you in a dysfunctional relationship? Here are 7 signs to look for that strongly indicate the answer is Yes.

1. Your guy is always threatening you.

Whether it’s physical abuse, emotional manipulation (I will do THIS if you keep doing that!) or even just threatening to leave all the time, it’s unbearable. Threats make the relationship unstable and can quickly turn you into a nervous wreck.

2. Your guy is insanely jealous.

Jealousy is normal, right? Maybe it’s even a little good for a relationship. Then again, this guy is so paranoid of losing you, he interrogates you about everything you do. He stalks you, invades your privacy and demands the right to look through your things at any given time. He even aggressively taunts you – asking him if you’re cheating (or want to cheat) with a specific person. Normal men don’t act this way.

3. Arguing always turns into a conflict – one that he must win at all costs.

Not only do arguments end in shouting matches. He’ll do anything to gain the upper hand. He’ll drudge up arguments in the past, or every instance that you’ve ever made a mistake to humiliate you. He’ll argue, rewrite history and even lie just to win the argument and be proven “right”. He doesn’t care at all about helping your problem or trying to find a compromise.

4. He either never apologizes or over-apologizes.

A real man knows how to apologize. A man in a dysfunctional relationship will either never apologize, narcissistically denying any guilt; or he will over-apologize after continuously breaking promises. For example, he cheats on you then confesses, begs for forgiveness and promises never to do it again…and then cheats again. And repeats. He seems to be addicted to hurting you and can’t stop.

5. You feel guilty, fearful or anxious all the time.

He has practically changed your personality from a happy woman to an emotional wreck. Other people are concerned about you. You don’t seem to have joy in your relationship – most of the time you’re taking care of him or trying to walk on egg shells to satisfy him. You seem to have the same argument over and over again, never resolving anything.

Worse yet, you NEVER really enjoy the good times because you’re too afraid of a good day being instantly transformed into another bad day with said guy freaking out and starting a war. You literally don’t know what you’re coming home to…Dr. Jekyll or Mr. Hyde.

6. Your entire life revolves around him. Whatever you used to be is long gone.

Women in dysfunctional relationships tend to feel depressed, pessimistic and totally out of touch with who they used to be. Your friendships aren’t the same anymore. Your partner has practically isolated you from your family and friends. Your ambitions are non-existent now. You’re always unhappy and yet you need your partner to survive. You need him to make you continue being unhappy! See how nonsensical a dysfunctional relationship is?

7. You tend to be recreating the worst patterns your parents ever taught you.

Unfortunately, dysfunctional relationships do tend to resemble the worst life lessons your parents ever taught you, whether it’s you becoming your mother and tolerating a man’s self-destructive alcoholism, or you seeking out emotionally unavailable men who seem a lot like your father who disappointed you in similar ways. These relationships leave you feeling something profound and directly related to your childhood…but it’s all negative.

You’re compelled to experience this relationship because you feel something. Maybe something cathartic. But certainly NOT a relationship that makes you a better person or helps you find happiness. There’s no apparent benefit to the relationship, except that it’s something you feel you must preserve. Losing him would destroy you…you would go from bad to worse. Fear motivates you to keep the relationship going.

If you feel this way and if you no longer enjoy the relationship or even life, it’s time to get out. You may need help breaking away, perhaps the help of friends and family, but getting help is almost always necessary.

It is in many ways like an addiction and one that you can overcome by becoming a stronger and more feminine woman. Work on building up your self-esteem, day to day through your own personal development and achievement. That way, you will never be exploited like this ever again!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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