7 Relationship Red Flags You Should Never Ignore

They say hindsight is always 20/20. When you look back on all the mistakes you made in a relationship, or all the warning signs you missed, sometimes you just want to slap yourself!

“How could I have missed something so obvious? What was I thinking? It was right there in front of me!”

But don’t be too hard. The truth is that you usually DO notice strange behavior coming from your date the first time it happens, but you don’t know how to interpret it.

Maybe you think to yourself “Hmmm that’s weird…” if you notice your hot guy crush is saying something cruel or dishonest. But then again, if you’ve never personally been burned by such a heartless jerk, you might never see the problem coming.

Only by noticing the sign, and then experiencing the problem, do you learn to associate a certain type of troubled man with negative outcomes.

Of course, hindsight isn’t that helpful when you’re trying to avoid falling into the same pattern all over again. Sometimes intuition isn’t enough. Sometimes it really helps to understand the motivations of a Mr. Wrong, and learn some specific red flags that spell disaster for a relationship. That way, you can see AND interpret the sign and then back away for your own safety.

Let’s consider seven relationship red flags that are almost always bad news.

1. He thinks you’re perfect in every way.

This is a confusing one for sure! Isn’t it great to be worshiped by a guy and treated like a queen? Well sure, nothing wrong with that. Except that, well, a guy who thinks you’re perfect is not actually seeing the “Real You.” Instead, he’s created an image of you in his imagination and is falling in love with this “idea.” He’s in love with a part of himself, and a role that you play in his imagination. That’s dangerous territory because he may soon realize he doesn’t actually like the “real you”.

And depending on whether he’s a nice guy or a complete psychopath, you’re going to spend the rest of the relationship feeling either depressed or fearing for your life! Make sure you get to know each other, flaws and all, before you let a guy “love bomb” you.

2. He consistently pushes your boundaries beyond your comfort.

In the beginning, dating a bad boy who pushes your boundaries may be exciting. But living with a man who really doesn’t respect your rights or your limits can be emotional torture. Does he keep “playing” even if you tell him to knock it off? Does he ignore what you say and just focuses on what he wants from you? Does he force-hug you or over-touch you even if you’re clearly not sending him any signals? If he disrespects your opinion and your feelings now, this habit could become downright abusive in the future.

3. He seems like he’s been victimized by the whole world!

Do all of his exes seem crazy when he talks about them? Has every person he’s ever met wronged him in terrible ways? Maybe it’s just a string of bad luck, right? Or maybe it’s because he always plays the victim. He never takes responsibility for his own mistakes. Rather than grow up and accept who he is and what he wants, he’d rather paint his ex-partner as the problem. In the end, we’re all responsible for how our lives turn out. Beware of the man who can’t accept responsibility for anything!

4. He doesn’t care for your family. OR he doesn’t care about his own family!

Pay close attention to how family factors into your relationship. If he seems disinterested in spending time with your family, and only seems happy when discussing faraway states you could move to, this suggests he wants full control of your life and is unwilling to share. On the other hand, if he seems to hate his own family that’s a clear indication that he respects no one—and at some point it will be your turn to feel his wrath.

5. He seems to fluctuate between extreme highs and lows, or hot and cold behavior.

His attitude on things changes drastically—which means his feelings on you might change just as abruptly. He may love and fawn over you one minute, but then turn around and be exceptionally cruel. His dangerous lows may not necessarily involve physical abuse, but could still be loud and destructive tantrums or aggressive verbal bullying that make you feel afraid. This may even suggest he has a major personality disorder such as Borderline, Anti-Social or at least Bipolar. This behavior only gets worse as time goes on.

6. He guilts you or manipulates you into getting his way all the time.

This is another subtle form of aggressive behavior and something that, upon first glance, seems odd but not really dangerous. However, living with a passive-aggressive partner gets old fast. He is basically a bully and selfishly motivated, since he “punishes” you with silent treatment or moody fits, or embarrasses you in front of others, and so on. These are manipulative tactics, meaning he uses them on you to get his way rather than negotiate equal rights like most couples do.

7. You always seem to feel stupid or unworthy around them.

Gaslighting is a form of abuse that involves twisting the truth to make an innocent partner feel insane or doubt her own memories. The abusive husband who gaslights wants you to feel stupid and to always doubt what you feel (or even what you saw). Not only is he dishonest, but he also devalues your perspective and laughs off your feelings. In a normal, productive relationship, a man should always respect your feelings and opinions even if you don’t always agree.

Laughing at a partner’s vulnerability, emotionally or sexually, is also a personal betrayal and a major red flag. In any situation where a partner gives her complete trust, she expects her man to be respectful and supportive. This is why betraying that trust is unforgiveable. If he doesn’t respect you in the beginning, he will not learn respect for you over time. Having respect for women is what makes a real man in the first place.

If you notice any of these red flags in conversation, beware and have an exit strategy in mind. Now that you know the problem and can interpret these red flags, you can avoid Mr. Wrong and avoid losing years of your life!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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