6 Signs You’re in a Terrible Relationship

An anonymous poet once wrote, “I look at you and see the rest of my life in front of my eyes.”

What a pensive thing to say about love because love is a lifestyle. Love affects you as a person, it changes your behavior, your thinking, and your life course.

Hopefully, it does so for the better.

Because if you have a life full of panic, anxiety, arguing and other negativity, it’s possible you’re stuck in a terrible relationship. A relationship that’s toxic and doomed to fail.

Yes, this form of “imposter love” may feel real at first. But in hindsight (usually after the relationship explodes in our face!) we understand where it all went wrong.

And the biggest hint that the relationship is dysfunctional, toxic and for a limited time only is how it makes you feel.

Let’s break down this broad category into five signs of a terrible relationship. Have the courage to analyze your own and determine whether or not dysfunction drives you both.

1. You’re always afraid of upsetting him.

If you’re always walking on eggshells so to speak and going out of your way not to offend him or start a fight, then something is off. While we all have our mood swings from day to day, a partner who NEVER seems happy and who always seems to punish you for speaking your mind or making an issue is exhibiting controlling behavior. Controlling behavior is not necessarily violent; sometimes it’s just manipulative. He makes you miserable and discourages you from sharing any opinions. He mainly wants you to stick to a certain number of tasks without any break from the routine. He may make you feel stupid or crazy for raising objections. This is not normal, healthy behavior!

2. You fight more often than you love.

While it’s true that sometimes people who argue have really explosive sex afterward, in the long-term, that dynamic wears off. Light-hearted bickering and occasional annoyances plague every couple, that’s true. Some couples do disagree often but they learn to avoid controversial topics. They learn to show good humor in dealing with disagreements. But if you mostly argue, insult each other, raise questions, hurt feelings and beg for him to listen and understand…

You may be trying to revive something that has already died. Constant verbal abuse, constant misunderstanding (as if you’re from two different worlds) and frequent bouts of rage are signs of incompatibility. The very reason people divorce, citing “irreconcilable differences.”

3. Humor is long gone…it’s all about drama.

Good humor is the healthy portion of your relationship menu. If you can still laugh, you can find ways to work through your problems. If, however, every conversation is drama, and every disagreement is catastrophic this indicates some major baggage you’re both carrying. This type of hurtful relationship never gets better…you just can’t see eye to eye anymore, which is why confrontations are always over the top and arguments happen over nothing.

Your relationship is characterized by drama. You anticipate arguments…you may even become excited when you argue, always remembering the makeup sex, but forgetting when he insults you, berates you, screams at you, punches the wall, and so on. Drama is not romance. There’s a damn good reason why Drama movies are separated from Romance movies, isn’t there?

4. Your partner isn’t just jealous…he’s entirely removed you from your former life!

It’s only natural that a new relationship may relocate you or even reduce your total number of minutes in talking to hot single guys. But while jealousy is tolerable, isolating you from ALL of your friends, family members, and former acquaintances, is a sign of control and manipulation. You not only “love” him…he has made sure that you literally NEED him to survive. He is your whole world…and that was his plan all along.

5. He is more concerned about winning an argument than loving you.

When dysfunctional couples argue they are determined to win. The balance of the power in the relationship may be “equal” but it’s so strictly 50/50 that you mostly fight each other for control every minute of every day! In a loving relationship, it’s not actually 50 / 50 all the time. Sometimes it’s 40 / 60 advantage you, and sometimes it’s 60 / 40 advantage him. Sometimes you really do take turns “taking the lead” and making decisions. But because you respect each other and want an equal relationship, it doesn’t bother either of you to let your partner be independent and make a decision on their own. Toxic relationships are either completely unbalanced (one mate makes all the decisions and rules the house), or they’re always combative with two “generals” fighting each other for control.

6. You wish to be alone more than in each other’s arms.

In a toxic relationship, you have no more freedom. The past, where you had the right to go where you want and enjoy life one moment at a time? That’s all gone. Now everything must be negotiated. It’s become so bad, you now long for alone time. Because this gives you some semblance of independence. Your partner has turned you into such a nervous wreck that your needs are rarely ever met, while his needs are the foremost priority in life. If you have no independence, no sense of self, you really have no relationship. Just a deception, just a master-slave game. And it goes nowhere!

Remember that all successful relationships have a somewhat informal “80 / 20” happiness scale. You’re happy 80 percent of the time and unhappy 20 percent of the time or less. If your arguments are so frequent or intense that the scale goes to 50 / 50 on the happy / miserable scale, you may be in denial of just how much good this relationship does you.

It may be unpleasant to end a relationship you’ve invested so much time in, but the result will eventually become 100 / 100 on the scale of happiness, with more independence and better self-esteem than when you were with him. Always follow your heart…because your heart, despite its flaws, really just wants to be happy!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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