It’s not so uncommon…to not understand what love is.
One of my friends recently told me that she was worried, mainly because she had no idea what real love felt like. She was dating a few guys but didn’t feel the strong emotion she thought she would have. She was worried that she might never feel it.
Then we started to discuss the balance between emotion and logic and how, ideally, love requires both strong emotion and sound logic. You can’t have one without the other.
But rather than thinking of real love as some RUSH of emotion, (which actually might not be love at all), let’s start thinking of love more as a lifestyle change, a permanent change in your thinking and how your future is panning out.
Let’s consider six signs that you’re falling in love. Notice how in all of these signs, it’s a combination of both emotion and logic.
1. His eyes give you a powerful rush.
It’s not just that you’re always staring at him…you are both drawn to each other. The eye contact is intense. You’re not always sure what to say but you feel almost high at the sensation. In fact, it’s a scientific fact that couples who have longer periods of eye contact feel a stronger emotional connection and also experience a dopamine release. And that dopamine release is comparable to the feeling of cocaine, that illegal narcotic.
When you feel this sensation, your brain also releases a hormone called phenylethylamine, which feels like an intense feeling of elation. That’s the in-love feeling that you get after falling in love – and when you look at your lover in the eyes, that’s the powerful connection you feel that’s worlds about just a crush.
2. He is occupying your mind.
When you’re in love, your curiosity slowly evolves into something stronger. You’re no longer just amused by him. You start to think about him. Recall your favorite memories together. Focus on things he said or emotions you felt when you were with him. While this phase might feel like a crush, true love takes it one step farther. You’re not just concerned with how he makes you feel. This time, you’re actually thinking about HIM – about how to make him happy, worrying about him, and wondering what you can do to make his life better. This selfless love that you both feel for each other is what characterizes real love and sets it apart from infatuation – which is usually self-absorbed.
3. You try new activities and or perspectives, mainly because your boyfriend opened you up to them.
Changing your lifestyle, and indeed building a new life with him in it, is another indicator of love. In fact, some studies showed that people who fell in love actually changed some of their interests and even their personality traits. It’s not that they’re changing “for their partner”. Rather, your partner and you both are pursuing new activities together and discovering things about yourself – as a couple – that you never knew.
The two of you truly become “one” over time the longer you’re married. So while you start off enjoying new things together, eventually your love grows and soon enough, believe it or not, your heart beats actually change and become “in sync” with each other, at least according to some research coming out of the University of California, Davis.
4. You’re not just in love with his “best side.” You love the real man – the blood and guts so to speak.
With infatuation, it’s common to focus on the “fantasy” of your lover. His charm, good looks, career, confidence, and so on. But when you start to fall for him, you will love ALL of him – including the stuff that’s “fantasy-killing”.
Like sharing germs, like seeing his flaws and quirks, like sharing the same bathroom, or watching him pick his nose (when he thinks you’re not looking).
These are all moments that might bring you out of fantasy if you’re just dealing with infatuation. But the more you love a man, the more you want to be a part of his life, his real life, a day to day life of imperfection and ordinary family stuff.
5. You experience a sudden and major increase in empathy.
If infatuation is self-absorbed, falling in love goes in the opposite direction. You start to worry about the other person. You empathize with them. You feel their pain. You might even feel like you would sacrifice your own comfort just to ease your partner’s pain. This selfless caring represents a change in your heart – when you start to see the two of you as one, a family unit. He becomes your provider and you focus more on how to make him happy – how to be “on his team” rather than looking out for your own interests.
6. You become a better version of yourself – with your partner’s help.
Remember that love always has a positive effect on a person, at least it does if it’s real. Strong bouts of emotion can be misleading and volatile. But love is a wonderful thing that, as the song goes, “lifts us up where we belong.” You’re high in the clouds. You’re happy. You feel content, not just because of what you’ve found, but because of what you’ve earned! You worked on this relationship and now you see it come to fruition. Love always has a positive effect on you and on your partner. It calms your anxiety, helps to de-stress you, and gives you the stability you need to maintain a positive outlook. You found the relationship you wanted and built it from the ground up.
It’s a “forever” romance – one that will last for the rest of your life becomes it’s mutually beneficial for the both of you. So if you don’t find yourself feeling and realizing these things yet, spend some time getting to know yourself. Build the relationship you want and make a deliberate effort to find the qualities that you most admire. Eventually, you will find that special love that has eluded you and you will be glad you waited for the real thing!
When a Man Truly Loves You
Lasting love from a man comes down to a few things most women are never taught.
Get them right and he holds on. Miss them and even a good man drifts.
I made a short video that explains what makes a man fall deeply in love and stay.
