It’s not always easy to understand the difference between a mistake and a total disaster. Case in point: it would be a mistake not to offer your handyman a drink of water after a tough job.
A total disaster on the other hand? Well, that might be like crashing prom night and dropping a bucket of pig’s blood on your worst enemy – with respects to Carrie.
In other words, disasters are horrible, embarrassing, the kind of stuff most people resist doing out of sheer self-preservation.
Mistakes, however? They can be more subtle. Sometimes you might make a mistake because you think it’s the safe thing to do, or because your instincts tell you it feels right. You listen to your heart, and follow your conscience…
Only to find out later, well, that might have been a mistake. How do you know then, what kind of mistakes you should avoid – especially after breaking up with a man you thought you loved?
How can you correct your instincts to avoid making the most common mistakes?
For starters, we’re going to consider six of the most common mistakes that women make after a breakup, and even more importantly, why they make them.
1. Asking mutual friends or acquaintances about him.
This is almost always a bad idea, especially if you just broke up. It’s like screaming, “I’m still thinking about you!” It puts him on a pedestal and you down below him. Right now, in this stage, your goal should be rebuilding your value and confidence. Move on and work on self-improvement. Then reevaluate whether you want him back or not.
2. Critically analyze their new partner and compare yourself.
This is a game that never ends and you’ll probably be the one played. There is no man exactly like your ex. Even if there are some similarities, these are usually basic. They’re also highly embellished similarities that you yourself might see, because you’re still thinking about your ex.
This is why it’s important to avoid dating too soon, because no man wants to be compared to your ex. No man wants to date you if you’re in love with someone else and wasting your time. (Unless of course he just wants sex and in that case…)
3. Dating new people too soon.
Sleeping with a bunch of guys, or just moving really fast with another guy, is practically the same thing. It’s “rebounding” and it’s problematic because:
A. You never actually fix what you need to fix about yourself.
B. You never figure out why you and your ex didn’t work out.
C. You don’t give yourself time to adjust and get over him.
When these things happen, you doom all these rebounding relationships. And you either break someone’s heart or you get your own broken. Emotions still run high after a breakup, especially if you hop into bed and get a false rush of oxytocin thinking for you.
Take your time being single and looking for what you truly want.
4. Hide. Forever.
Now there’s the other extreme. You’re so afraid of getting hurt again, you simply stop trying. You stop going out, stop interacting with others, and stop socializing altogether.
You stew over regrets of the past and assume all men must be the same and things will always end with the same heartbreak. NOT because that’s your destiny, but because you decide that’s how it has to be.
But happiness is a choice. You must decide to be happy and to be looking and looking. Project that energy and look for opportunities. Hiding will not protect you. It will only contribute to the despair.
5. Staying friends too soon.
A lot of broken couples make the mistake of “staying friends” too soon – sometimes within weeks or even months after the breakup.
This not only violated the No Contact rule, but also builds false hopes in one or both of you. It might be okay to stay friends, but that’s AFTER you move on. After you work on yourself, and he works on himself. After you allow the wounds to heal. After, you find someone else who is good for you and whom you truly admire.
Usually, when you want to stay friends with the ex, it’s just a way of keeping him as a friend with benefits – and that only creates more confusion. You don’t have to stay friends after you break up. Don’t delude yourself into thinking you can be okay after only a few days or weeks. You need time to process what has happened.
6. Keep mementoes about him all over the house.
If we learned anything from the Pixar movie Up, it’s that you can’t stay happy in the present ruminating about the past.
Keeping little things that make you think of him will only focus on the heartbreak and regret. Or even worse, it might reignite feelings for him, just when you might be making progress in moving forward without him.
If I can borrow a word from horror films, it’s time to “exorcise” him completely. Get rid of all of his stuff. Don’t keep sentimental gifts. Don’t keep listening to the song that reminds you of him. Welcome the new person you are destined to become. Give yourself a clean slate and see what wonderful things happen.
As we can see, our instincts sometimes lie to us. Your conscience or heart, or whatever you call that intuition, might be confused after a breakup. You may be making emotional decisions, or perhaps the opposite – shying away from making important decisions.
The best thing to do is to take some time away to evaluate your circumstances. Remember that you never have to “rush” to do anything. Don’t fall for the “high-pressure sale” of a relationship or a lover that promises to leave you “if you don’t.”
A man that really loves you will wait. It’s far more important for you to determine what you want, what your future looks like, and what you’re willing to do to make that future. Don’t act or refuse to act out of fear. Take the time to figure out what’s true and what you really feel in your heart. Ask someone you trust for their opinion too, since our friends and family will often pick up on things that we miss.
Then act on that. That’s your true instinct. That will be the voice, the intuition, that leads you to a happy life.
The 5 Word Phrase That Destroys a Man’s Love For You And Drives Him Out Of Your Life
There’s a simple 5 word phrase that will destroy any man’s love for you and drive him out of your life completely…
It usually comes out as an honest question when you want to connect with him…
But only serves to push him away and slowly kill your relationship from the inside out…
It can take a man who is filled with love and passion for you…
And make him feel cold, distant, and uninterested…
Have you figured out what it is yet?
Many women send this as a text message when they’re feeling insecure…
And then are confused why he suddenly pulls away and disappears completely…
Most of the women who ask it don’t even know how harmful it is…
Yet it can take a relationship that seems like it’s perfect…
A relationship where you feel loved, cared for, and like you’ve finally found “the one”…
And overnight, it can tear that relationship apart…
Leaving you confused, frustrated, and heartbroken…
If you don’t know what this simple yet seemingly innocent question is…
I want you to stop what you’re doing and go watch this video presentation that I put together for you at the link below…
Click here to watch the video now <<
My name is Matthew Coast and I’ve been teaching in the dating industry on since 2005…
I’ve helped hundreds of thousands of women, all over the world…
Get into relationships where they feel loved, seen, and cherished by the men they’re with…
When you click the link this link right here <<
I show you what this 5-word phrase is…
I’ll teach you about why men pull away, how to stop it from happening…
And how to attract the man you want…
Into a relationship where you’re loved and adored and treated like a priority…
No matter how painful things have been in your past…
You can attract a great man and have a great relationship…
Just click the link on your screen and watch the video right now…
If you’re struggling with men pulling away from you…
If you’re tired of giving everything to a relationship and only being taken for granted…
And if you’re ready to have a man see you as a woman that he wants to be with forever…
