Yes, it is more than a little awkward to turn a friendly acquaintance into a regular texting buddy. Texting is more like phone conversation than we’re comfortable admitting. And it is definitely possible to turn a platonic friendship into something more romantic after a long-term texting relationship.
The question then is, “What do I say that won’t turn things awkward, weird or make it seem like I’m desperate for his attention?”
Well for starters don’t drunk text! That’s for sure. Maybe we’ve all been there occasionally. Lesson learned: don’t be impulsive. Be strategic.
Instead, follow these five easy texting secrets that men are naturally drawn to. They are, by their nature, more attracted when you use these texting techniques.
1. Resist the urge to say “Entertain me.”
Frankly, this is what all men are used to. Women want free entertainment and so they say something like, “Hey what are you up to?” That works…if the guy is already nuts about you. But if he’s not sure how he feels, he will see it as an obvious signal. Or at the very best, he’ll just think you’re dull.
Instead, put more value into your text message. Send a joke, send a cartoon, or something that “reminds me of you.” The more laughs you give him, the more he’ll look forward to getting texts from you.
2. When it’s time to get real, talk about important things—not chitchat.
There’ll be plenty of time for boring chitchat on your 50th wedding anniversary. During this crucial time, it’s important that you get to know each other and get to the most interesting personality traits first. One easy way to get to know him is to talk about what he’s passionate about. If it’s his job, ask specific questions about it. If it’s a non-profit activity or a hobby, get him to open up about it and share his knowledge. Talk about things that you’re passionate about and see if he can follow you or relate (and if not, change the subject and find something he responds to).
You’re probably thinking that really deep conversations should be over the phone, not text, right? But talking about deep things via texting will actually motivate a man to want to speak more in person and on the phone. He may actually spend several minutes carefully typing out a response—which only proves to him that there’s something about you he likes, if he’s willing to go through the trouble of typing a long text message!
3. When it’s time to meet in person or arrange for a phone call, don’t directly ask him out or ask him to set a date. Instead, offer an opportunity that he can jump on.
The easy way to avoid being rejected (and to avoid making a man think you’re asking him out) is to simply share information about what you want to do, where you’re already going, and where to find you. Share this information as if you’re just talking about your upcoming day. You could even say something like “You should come along,” something like his buddy might say.
This gives him the opportunity to join you on an informal adventure—a non-date. It minimizes the pressure of a date and no one is at risk of being turned down. All you’re stating is that you like to have fun – great show of confidence. You’re a fun woman and he likes to have fun.
4. Don’t over-reward him with replies or smiley faces. Once you start a conversation, he should work to keep it going.
If you put forth effort to start a conversation (with a joke or cartoon or deep conversation or whatever) then he should follow it up with an intelligent response. If he replies haphazardly, “LOL yeah right, IKR?” or something meaningless like that, he gets no response.
I know, your first instinct may be to say something back, rewarding him for responding to you. Wrong approach. You’re over-rewarding him and now you’re saying that you like him way more than he likes you. Same rule applies if you’re over-rewarding him with “smiley faces.” Your replies, and your “smileys” should only come when he earns it. Think of these big reactions as a big belly laugh. You wouldn’t laugh hard at every single then he says, would you?
Sometimes the best response from you is no response—especially if he puts no thought into his text. You reward him with equal energy as he invests in you. Remember, it’s okay to start a conversation via text, but it’s not OK to keep the conversation going all by yourself. He must understand that HE is interested in this discussion. If you keep the text back and forth going, and it becomes one-sided, you’re only reminding him that YOU’RE interested. Not the other way around.
5. Be yourself…because that’s exactly what he’s going to want in person.
While it’s tempting to think of texting as the “seduction phase” so that you can lure him into an in-person meeting, the truth is that your text conversations should match the in-person dialog later on and indeed, complement it. Otherwise, a strange phenomenon starts to happen. You become the person he wants in texting, but then when you meet in person you show up as someone completely different. It’s almost like you have two personas—one instantly charming, and the other shy and unfamiliar.
Yes, it does feel good to say bold and funny things via text that you would never say in person. But once he senses the different “personas” (online you and in-person you) the attraction is compromised. This is why the old advice of “be yourself” is still wise. Whatever you wouldn’t say in person, don’t say in texting. And what you’re likely to talk about in person (as well as your unique sense of humor) is what you want to show during texting, so that he can sample it and crave more of “that” when you talk in person. Whether you come across as nerdy, flirty, hilarious or intelligent, wear these defining traits of yourself proudly. Whet his appetite through text so that he can’t hardly get enough of you when you go on a date.
Lastly, remember that although women do often take the lead in making initial contact, the man must ALWAYS feel as if he’s doing the chasing. Reward him with a little when he starts to talk to you more often. Reward him with BIGGER reactions when he tries a little harder. You’re his audience and he wants to feel as if he’s captivating your mind with his wit. Lastly, send him over the edge by sending a picture of a smile—letting him know that the more he wants to talk, the more you’re excited to listen.
Text him this to trigger his desire to chase you…
Did you know that you can trigger a man’s hormones through your text messages?
It’s true. How you communicate with a man can actually release different hormones in his body.
One of the most important ones is testosterone because that’s what makes him CHASE you, pursue you, and invest in you so that he gets “hooked” and desires something more with you.
Want to trigger this in your man?
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. You can actually trigger a “cocktail of emotions” inside a man that makes him feel like he can’t get you out of his mind and even feel addicted to you, if you text him a certain way.
is there a good purpose for continually bombarding me with how to attract and keep your attention when its clearly not the issue obviously…duh do continue with this fasinating details i dont already know however i do get the connection so let me enlighten you with my witty smart ass charm and unexasperated downsizing of my intulect
is there a good purpose for continually bombarding me with how to attract and keep your attention when its clearly not the issue obviously…duh do continue with this fasinating details i dont already know however i do get the connection so let me enlighten you with my witty smart ass charm and unexasperated downsizing of my intulect
is there a good purpose for continually bombarding me with how to attract and keep your attention when its clearly not the issue obviously…duh do continue with this fasinating details i dont already know however i do get the connection so let me enlighten you with my witty smart ass charm and unexasperated downsizing of my brain….hahahah did i already say that
I would like to know what to actually say to make my x want me back. He is very good to me and my son. He still cares he is with someone else but he slept with me on my birthday.
Do you watch Matthew’s videos? Lean back it sounds like they are headed for a breakup
Two years later …
What happened with this situation?
Big mistake to sleep with him. He might just be comparing one woman with another or thinking,” ha ha she still has the hits for me.”
Most of your suggestions are for women who are going for a man they want but what about a woman whose spent 6 years with a man who just up and left?
Sunshine I say to her to dust her shoulders off count her blessings on dodging that bullet after ten-fifteen years hell six is long enough. Seriously if he didn’t express dissatisfaction or make his needs/thoughts in the relationship but ghosted you no warning know he not someone you want to waste life or tears on nor if he was willing could you ever be enough to keep it from happening again because you aren’t why he ran he is why he ran sounds like he another poster child for emotional intimacy avoidance he can’t get close and stay close it’s seriously a never ending hell for both people especially until the person stops running and gets help with either the deep shame or simply finds someone who understands he will never be emotionally available or caring in the way they deserve.
Girlfriend…..count your blessings. I was married for 40 years and he just up and left. Turned out, it was the best gift he ever gave me.
Men can totally be into a gal. But if she does not trigger his need to be her hero, he won’t know why, but he will just up and leave one day.
Yes! I’ve learned that men need to move needed. Independence turns off a LOT of guys.
The no contact rule makes a man want you. It may take awhile but most likely they will come back in time. Men have to fear losing you this keeps their interest. I have done it it works.
Start watching utube videos from dating coaches they are very informative.
Sometimes people grow apart and the relationship is just over. Dating coaches say if a couple is meant to be together it will happen.
True✨
I love a man that just walked out of my life moved out of the town we lived togetter in he won’t answer my texts phone calls he is my sole mate I love him so much it’s been a year and a half now I just cant stop loveing him
How do u open up to a man emotionally I wanna tell him my past I just don’t know were to start.and if his not emotionally invested ill be doomed he has my life secret for life.
I say wait for him until you’re really sure that he’s into you and also shares his past life stories to you. Become a balance of each other until you both aren’t a rock solid, serious couple.
I have made way too many mistakes when it comes to relating to men. I’m learning to slow down more and let things happen on their own more.
If your x has another woman don’t be the other woman you should come first in his life you and your son should be number 1 I went through this with my x we ended up getting a divorce but I found the one thing men want is excitement when they get bored in the marriage they turn to someone who will give them dirty sex for the excitement their brains think with the little head. He probably still loves you and feels a connection to you but just got bored. Don’t settle to be the other woman
Great answer!
Is sex all that a man wants? How do I find out that sex is not everything for him?
Cut him off and see how he responds to you. If he stays, he cares… if not, you don’t need him.
What does it mean when you are married to a woman for 25+ years and you stumble across an email like this?