Long-distance relationships can be difficult. It’s safe to say that many of us have experienced the hurt of a breakup – and yes, it hurts in a unique way, when it’s online.
Some of us can literally fall in love with a faceless lover online, someone we imagine to be the perfect prince…or even a mysterious “phantom” as it were. This can happen when we’re young…
But even when we grow up and we start needing that face-to-face contact (through Skype or Zoom) and meeting in person once a year for a real date…
It’s still challenging to make a long-distance relationship work.
We’re human and our bodies are meant for physical contact, strong emotion, and bonding in person, every day or at least every week. So the whole idea of a mostly telecommuting relationship really runs the gamut: mysterious, exciting, relaxing…
And then yes, if we’re not careful, it can turn inside out and give us feelings of distrust, frustration, loneliness and growing cold over time.
But like any relationship, long-term, or even virtual, you CAN make a long distance relationship work.
One thing you can do to solidify your bond together is to avoid the most common mistakes people make when they date online or via telephone. Here are 10 of the worst mistakes you can make.
1. Not Trusting Your Partner Enough
Jealousy is a natural feeling, when we crave the attention and company of our partner. And some jealousy can be a good thing. For instance, a man who’s jealous of other guys showing you affection will work harder to impress you, to win you over, to keep you happy.
But jealousy can become a big problem if we can’t stop what is natural from turning into full-blown suspicion and paranoia. At the root of suspicion is a lack of trust. Or in some cases, it’s just the desire to control one’s partner, and manage every aspect of their life. That’s not healthy.
So there’s no need to be suspicious of someone who you’re in love with and who you trust. If you know this person and believe their heart is true to you, you won’t be unreasonably jealous over what they do in their own time. You would trust them to tell you if there was someone else, or if they were being unfaithful. That’s the honesty, the bond, that you value together.
So why cause stress being suspicious or jealous over what your LDR boyfriend does? There’s no need to test him or question him – not if you trust him. If you don’t trust him, why do you ever want this relationship? Trust is a beautiful thing!
2. Not Giving Your Partner and Yourself the Gift of Independence
One of the biggest mistakes a person can make is trying to LOSE their independence and turn their good LDR relationship into a very un-fun and stressful “partnership” that resembles an audit, more than a passionate affair.
No, you don’t need to do everything together. You don’t need to wait online for your partner and put everything on the backburner, just so you can make this relationship work. Your relationship isn’t fizzling out. It’s not like a fire that must be kept constantly burning at all times to stay alive.
If you love someone you actually GIVE them the gift of independence. You encourage them to do things on their own, to live their own life, and do the things that make them happy. Their happiness brings you happiness. Their success is your success as a team.
Stifling your partner’s independent streak is what causes friction in the first place. When you rob your partner of their independence, their motivation to thrive, you only hurt yourself. You damage the relationship.
Even worse, you start to lose focus of your own aims. You become obsessed with fixing or fine-tuning the relationship and you start to lose yourself. You stop dreaming, you stop reaching, and you stop living as a self-confident and self-reliant person. That’s not what your partner wants to see.
3. Not Working Towards Anything Specifically
One problem we commonly see in long distance relationships is that there are no clear goals that you’ve set as a couple. How can you prosper when you’re not working towards anything specific?
How can you be angry if your partner “drifts away”, when nothing has been promised, or even suggested in passing? Of course we lose something valuable when we take it for granted. If we don’t claim it, how can we expect to keep it? Every good thing in life needs nourishing if it is to grow.
4. Not Believing in the Value of the Relationship
Finally, don’t forget the most important lesson: if the relationship is valuable you MUST work for it. You mustn’t take it for granted, or the happiness you feel for granted. You must maintain it and cherish it.
There are going to be stressful times and arguments, and days where you feel lonely. But what are the two of you going to do about it? Can you talk things out? Can you sacrifice some comforts to feel greater intimacy together? Can you confide in each other, rather than losing self-control and finding a friendly new face to confide in?
A successful relationship does require a sincere effort to keep it going, to keep the love between you alive and strong. Too many people give up and the relationship does grow cold. They feel hurt, or ignored, or pouty, or insulted, and so on.
These little negative emotions can amplify over time and eventually, they can drive a wedge between a happy couple.
So always remember, your relationship has value and is a wonderful thing. Don’t stop watering it, nourishing it, and keeping it alive or it can and will die.
In conclusion, remember that long-distance relationships do require sacrifice and patience, just like any in-person relationship. There are always ways to strengthen the bond that exists between you two, to make it grow, and to keep the passion going.
You can’t give up. You can’t put comfort over the love you feel. It’s worth waiting for and it’s worth the temporary frustration. Because in the end, you find the ideal relationship, the one worth waiting for – a partner that really gets you.
Not just someone who’s available. No, someone who understands you. And that’s real love.
Make His Heart Crave You Even If You’re Far Away
Let’s face it, most long distance relationships are hard… and most of them don’t even last 5 months.
What if the distance could actually make you feel closer together?
What if you could make him miss and crave you, even when you’re far apart?
Most women actually push a man further away in a long distance relationship when they want to make him come closer.
There’s one thing you need to do to be different… to make your relationship last… to make this situation bring you closer together… to make him value and crave you, even if he’s far apart from you.
Want to know what it is?
Click here to find out more <<
Talk soon,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you want to make his heart crave you, no matter how far away you are from him… do this…
I met a guy in January I travel every 2 weeks on the train to visit after a few months he told me to get on with my life so I walked away I texted him it was over and then he said he was sorry and didn’t want to finish so I gave him a chance im glad I did he’s a gentleman and very sweet im different from the girls hes dated so he’d happy tells me he loves me so it’s good we talk laugh we have a lot in common
Since you are chasing him, he’ll get cold little by little and won’t try to get you.He might dump you sooner or later! You are giving too much of yourself. This was a piece of advice from a relationship expert!
Thanks for those 4 mistakes we should never make.
Thank you
Thanks I have a long distant relationship and it’s very hard for me and for him I read all your mail thank you
Sometimes it can be frustrating, it’s hard.
You know Mat you haven’t said anything wrong about How a Man and women supposed to be . And show my gratitude I take my hat off to your apps out there about men and women’s relationships Or relationships in general but when you welcome into the real world and you got it older people acting young and young people is acting young you don’t know who’s who or what’s what it’s kind of hard to Establish that and a lot of times people don’t have patience to even try because everybody’s moving fast and in this universe know one Really seems like they want to try to have a real relationship these days and a lot of people don’t even date anymore In less you have already have or over sometime build your relationship up .Before the Colvit hit my a lot of people don’t date they don’t go out and they dont court anymore so and then you got the who’s who ! Thing going on you and who’s who you don’t know what people have in their lives to be a better person or to go back the way it used to be it would be so nice a And I would love that but always keep your eye on the prize and I’d rather stop it before it gets too serious and I can hurt so do investigation and not be bad when it comes down to it just dont accused unless you know the facts and just stay open to a lot of your suggestions and I wish you would have played all this back then anyway thanks for your time and your emails they’re your apps? Matt it’s like a needle in a haystack
I have had a 3 year relationship with a real nice guy We use to see each other 2 a week Then it was 1 time a week Now each 3 weeks He had started drinking I let him have his space We text and we talk only 1 a week I told him from the start If he ever wanted to see someone else tell me Please I know he really cares about me We have only been to each other’s houses Am I doing anything to not make him want me? His drinking has decreased Which I am very happy for him What do you think? Donna
He face times all the time every day from first thing in morning last thing at night we speak all the time