Interestingly, everything we THINK we know about attraction, or at least what we assume to be true, is oftentimes proven untrue! We assume things based on hearsay or Facebook discussion, or maybe even because we heard it in a movie. Maybe we even think things like “No one can explain attraction…it just happens.”
Or, the opposite: “Attraction is all about confidence. You can marry anyone you want if you just master the power of seduction!”
Of course, when you read about the science of attraction, that’s when you truly begin to expand your mind. Most scientific discussions about love and attraction are evidence-based, surveyed groups, or other clinical studies. Without evidence supporting the argument, there’s really no way to determine if hearsay is true.
For example, the whole “We’re soul mates or twin flames from another life.”
Sounds good. You might feel it in your heart. But the evidence is missing.
So what does science say about attraction? While we DON’T actually understand it all perfectly, we have noticed quite a few patterns that you might find very interesting. Here are 10 to examine.
1. It’s not all about confidence or even looks.
Sometimes attraction is about qualities – as in qualities that symbolize strength and health. One of the best indicators of a person’s health is the sound of their voice and the smell of their bodies and pheromones. According to a study in “Frontiers of Psychology”, good qualities in a mate (which can be determined by sound and smell) include weight, emotional state, and dominance.
2. It’s not just about “opposites” – it’s more about survival instincts.
According to studies coming from the University of Dresden, both men and women are attracted to lovers with an opposite “human leukocyte antigen HLA complex, a certain type of genetic blueprint, which suggests that we are partly motivated by the need for diverse immune function in our partners.
3. A woman’s mood can determine her choice of partner.
According to a few studies, ovulating women experiencing fluctuating hormone levels might find different types of men attractive at different times. When fertility levels peak, women tend to prefer more masculine features. There’s even evidence to suggest that at peak fertility levels, she would be more likely to seek out a stronger male than her partner.
Of course, this doesn’t mean that every woman is inclined to cheat! It just means biologically, our attractions will change and some strange emotions and desires do come about. Thankfully, we DO still have control over attraction!
4. Beauty is sometimes all about…symmetry?
Oftentimes we are drawn to certain people and we can’t explain why. Why do we look at one person and think, “Wow they’re so good looking!” and then we see another person and say, “Ugh, too ugly!”
It’s something you might not be able to explain at first. But some research suggests we are attracted to symmetrical beauty – namely when a person’s face is even, shaped similarly on both sides, and has an almost flawless positioning. In contrast, people who are less attractive have less symmetrical faces. That’s really all facial beauty is!
5. People notice even subtle signs of good health.
Assume that if someone finds you attractive, they see you as a healthy partner. So any sign of ill health, physical or mental, would push them in the opposite direction. Looking greasy, sickly, or having poor posture, would give them the impression you’re not well. There is also still some stubbornly strong evidence that men pay attention to weight and women pay attention to height – because of the perceived health or strength of the partner. One poll even said that a woman 20 pounds overweight, or a man one inch below the average date, had a harder time finding a date than their taller or skinnier contemporaries.
6. People are subconsciously attracted to partners that resemble their parents.
When we grow up as children we learn from parental role models. That’s why you might be unconsciously attracted to someone that acts like dad. Adding to this research, studies have also shown that when a child grows up with older parents he or she tends to fall for older partners.
7. Attraction is sometimes the changes that happen.
Attraction is amplified when there is stronger eye contact, more smiling, and even a higher pitch for a woman’s voice, or a deeper voice for a man’s. Even when you have a blushing face, whether consciously or subconsciously, another person can pick up on that and respond by feeling even more attraction. The very reason that women do wear lipstick and makeup is because, biologically, when a woman feels strong attraction the hue of her lips change and a natural blush occurs.
8. Younger women and older men still go together.
What about the old Hollywood myth that says younger women and older men still go together? While there are obviously exceptions to this (why, just take a look at Keanu Reeves’ new girlfriend!) there is some scientific data suggesting that older men prefer younger women because of higher fertility levels, whereas younger women prefer older men because of their greater responsibility, capability, and protective care.
9. Competition makes partners more attractive.
Some also believe that when more than one person competes for the affection of a partner, those doing the chasing feel stronger attraction. Feelings of jealousy increase the desirability of that partner. It’s just instinct to want to “fight” for something when one’s happiness is threatened.
10. Adrenaline boosts attraction.
We sometimes discuss the importance of emotional engagement when you’re dating. While that’s true, physical adrenaline can do the same thing. When you feel that intense high, it increases your attraction AND your emotional engagement. This is why bad dates are usually boring or “average”, whereas the best dates have something going on, whether it’s an intense conversation or just a physical activity that boosts the adrenaline.
As you can see, whereas the various reasons we feel attraction is not quite known, we do actually perceive a lot of patterns in the way we behave when we’re dating. Understanding what attracts you, and how you seem to subconsciously respond to these actions, may help you to take control of your dating life and start refocusing your attention and efforts on the relationship you actually want to build.
Is He Attracted to You?
Facts about attraction are fun. But there’s one guy you’re thinking about, and you want to know if he feels it.
My free quiz looks at how he acts around you and gives you an answer in about 60 seconds.
