Why is He Texting Me if He’s Not Interested

So by now, you’re starting to understand that your guy crush is not serious about you. He never talks to you at length. He seems distant, even when he’s being friendly. He certainly doesn’t make you feel desired or loved. Maybe the two of you just don’t click.

The only problem is…

He’s still texting you! What gives? Why would a guy reject you emotionally but still keep the conversation going? Is he playing you? Is he actually interested and just trying too hard to play it cool? Or is it something else even more sinister?

Let’s discuss a few reasons why a man might still text you even if you both know this serious relationship thing is probably not going to happen.

1. He’s keeping you on the backburner in case he needs a booty call.

Men will oftentimes sexually fixate on a woman even if they know there’s no chance they’re going to fall in love. Men aren’t as dumb as they seem. They can sense when you have nothing in common and when the conversation drags. But they also tend to crush on women that subconsciously know they don’t want, can’t have, or would be a bad match with—that’s how men’s brains sometimes work.

Psychology Today actually examined this theory, showing some evidence that relationships characterized by extreme sexual attraction could actually be extremely incompatible, and entirely based on distorted desires.  It’s an interesting read…and might paint to you an accurate image of a stereotypical man who wants you, even though he doesn’t “want” you.

2. He likes something about you…but something big is holding him back.

He has already rejected you logically. Something about the relationship feels wrong, whether it’s a lack of attraction, or incompatibilities in lifestyle or finances, or even just his parents objecting to the future marriage. Who knows? But the point is, he keeps obsessively texting you because he can’t quite let go.

To be honest, this is a very bad precedent. If he can’t fully commit now when things are just beginning, how miserable will a future relationship be where the both of you have to live with each other and deal with these issues 24-7? He senses this is a go-nowhere relationship but he still selfishly wants what he can’t commit to. It’s best to walk away until he can make up his mind.

3. He loves the attention…just not you.

Narcissistic guys will always crave attention. Flirting with you, even if it’s all false hopes, gives them the rush of adrenaline they want, without actually committing completely. Guys that love the attention usually IM you when they’re horny, lonely or when they have nothing else going on. You’re a good ego boost to these guys and they feel much better when you react femininely to their little five-minute show.

This is very different from the honorable man who actually makes time for you and follows through. A real man appreciates that you’re a busy woman and so makes definite plans to see you. You need to send a strong message to these other pretenders: in order to get your attention, HE has to be fully committed to giving you attention. You will not gush over him and fall in love while he gives you the bare minimum. Your undivided attention should be reserved for a man that is really trying to impress you.

4. He is just being a friend…or maybe a patient?

There is such a thing as a man who continues to text you even though he’s rejected you sexually. He either wants to keep you as a friend, since female friends do make good “research groups” for his dating strategies, or he is treating you like his therapist. While it’s not as parasitic as it sounds (I mean yes, this is what all friends do to each other!) it feels weird, since you really like him and he has no use for you other than a text or phone buddy.

It’s up to you to determine if you want another friend, but understanding his motivation (that he’s never going to be interested in you, and just wants to talk about his own issues) might dampen your enthusiasm for the friendship. Just don’t fall into the trap of loving him or feeling sorry for him. This will stress the friendship and only create a cycle of jealous feelings and negative tension.

I personally would recommend distancing yourself from him because there’s a good reason why therapy is expensive. Friends really don’t have the obligation of curing each other’s neuroses. A successful woman has some time for friends…but she does NOT have time to be someone’s free clinic therapist.

5. He is just being nice.

Lastly, let’s discuss the rare gem of a man who actually does want you as a friend and who feels bad that the two of you are not compatible. He texts you, not necessarily because he feels obligated, but more like he just wants to make sure you’re okay. He senses that you’re upset and wants to help. But he can’t commit to you for any number of reasons. The relationship is doomed but he still continues to text you because he feels like you need somebody right now.

It’s sweet…but you should NOT need him. You need to move on with your life because putting on the face of a strong, confident woman is essential to attracting a man and keeping him. The more you “need him”, the more you beg for attention, the worse this habit gets.

It’s time to get busy in life. Spend more time living and less time thinking about the past. No man is going to save you, and no friend should be in that role of saving you—least of all a man who has already said no.

Maybe some part of you thinks he might change some day and realize that he wants you. Whether or not that’s the case it doesn’t matter. You cannot keep living under his thumb and needing him. Either that attraction will never come and you’ll have wasted too much time waiting for him, or, you will have to become a more confident and mature woman and attract him that way.

No more needy behavior or taking pity chats from him. From now on, you will put yourself first and take what you want out of life. If he changes his mind and wants to give you romantic attention, he knows where to find you.

Remember these five guy types and make an informed decision. You are a woman who deserves the very best and men who halfheartedly text you without direction, without a purpose, ARE wasting your time.

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

P.S. If you’ve been banging your head against the wall because you’ve fallen for a man who’s frustratingly unavailable…

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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