One common complaint we see today, especially online, is that “my partner doesn’t want to have sex with me.” And in some cases, the problem is so bad marriages have ended because of it.
Now there are some people who believe that sex is a basic human need and if your partner is depriving you of sexual fulfillment, that’s a great reason to divorce and move on. And hey, when you’re feeling thirsty for months on end, you DO get emotional. Whether male or female, you do feel the lack of intimacy and lack of passion.
But just because sex stops, or becomes routine, or is disappointing for whatever reason, does not mean that the marriage or the live-in relationship has to end. If you still have love for each other and respect for the person you’re with, you can rejuvenate your sex life. You can repair the damage that’s been done, whether it’s him that’s checked out or you.
You can get that intimacy and passion back if you’re willing to fight for the beautiful relationship that you’ve built and invested time in. Now when I say “fight” understand that it means to “put forth effort.” You don’t always feel like putting forth the effort. But that’s why you FIGHT to save something that’s valuable. You put up a fight for what you love and you don’t want to lose it…especially over something like sexual boredom which can be cured.
Let’s consider a five-step program to break this sexual starvation pattern, regardless of whose “fault” it is. Remember we don’t think about “fault” – just solutions.
1. Reverse your sexual patterns.
Usually we fall into sexual routines. Most likely, the man was the sexually adventurous partner, at least when you first met. But now, he seems disinterested. That’s why it might help to initiate sex more often. One of the main complaints of men about sexual problems is that they feel they always have to initiate it. If you start taking the lead and actually letting him know, “I want sex right now!” this sends a clear message about what you want and also reminds him that you’re a sexy, confident woman. He chased you before and he will chase you again. He just needs to be reminded of how much he wants you. Sometimes the best way to do that is to show a new side to yourself. As we often discuss here, sometimes a woman’s “first move” is very subtle and it doesn’t have to be overly aggressive. Do what feels natural…but be very clear in telling him what you desire.
2. Plan for a whole night of hardcore fun.
I know our instinct says that sex should be romantic and spontaneous, but realistically speaking, that only leads to more cases of dead bed, boredom and desire discrepancy. Why? Because something ALWAYS comes up. Something more important than sex, something that can’t be missed. Something that just seems more fun than sex, or more interesting on television. And sex will always take second priority to life unless you plan for it!
The best thing to do is to schedule in time for sex, not just an hour or two, but a whole night. Send the kids to a sitter or relative. Turn off your cell phones and reconnect, first as friends, then as lovers. Spontaneous sex has about 25 percent chance of happening because you’re leaving it up to chance. Scheduling a night for sex? One hundred percent chance because you will make time and follow through. This is precisely what busy parents need in this hectic day and age.
3. Talk about sex and do everything EXCEPT have intercourse.
The best way to slowly reheat your sex life that needs to thaw? Talk about everything and yes I mean everything. Talking about sex is a liberating feeling. Talking about forbidden fantasies is exciting. And just because you’re talking about it doesn’t mean this fantasy will ever happen in reality. The real joy is in reconnecting with each other and talking honestly and intimately like you used to do. When you do feel turned on, try foreplay and touching…but don’t have sex. Ban sexual intercourse at least for a few date nights. That way, you’ll spend more time exploring each other internally and externally all without the obligation of the same old, boring sexual routine.
4. Have sex in a new place.
We’re not actually saying have sex in a movie theater or anything too kinky—unless that’s your thing! But definitely make plans to have a romantic getaway just so you can have sex in a different setting, with new rules and a brand new experience. If you’ve been holding off from intercourse for a few weeks, celebrate your “return to form” by taking a weekend vacation. Try something new, something “taboo” that you discussed during your previous talks in bed. Dress up and flirt all night and build anticipation. By the time you actually do have sex after all that build up, you will both feel ecstatic!
5. Make your partner feel wanted.
I know, it’s the man’s job to make you feel wanted. That’s what we all hear and know to be true. But any relationship is a 50/50 project and that means that men also have to be reassured. Believe it or not your man wants to know that he’s still sexy, still handsome and still “alpha” enough to be wanted by you—and other women. Flatter him and give his ego the attention that it needs. Don’t just compliment him. Put effort into dressing up, flirting shamelessly and giving him an “extra special gift” that reminds him of the seductive spell he has over women.
Men love to feel wanted and they love knowing that you want sex just as much as they do. Fight to save your relationship, NOT by giving him what you think he wants, but by increasing communication and working together to create a better sex life for the both of you.
Intimate Touch Techniques All Wives Should Know
One of my hallmarks is providing helpful, intimate advice and tips that are not crude, raunchy or damaging to relationships.
To help out husbands and wives, my friend Michael Webb has created a very thorough guide for women to learn how to caress their man in ways that will intoxicate him and bring the biggest grins to their faces.
=> Michael Webb’s Stroke Guide
Your friend and coach,
Matthew Coast
P.S. If you are a guy who wishes his wife would be more skilled in this area, be sure to share this resource with her.
You hit it right on the head.We have been dating these last fifteen yrs and that was something that came up but also he has cheated in the relationship.
Giving some advice was very helpful to me…thanks it lighten my mind what to do and understand some matters i haven’t know…
My sex is never boring
That’s not very helpful. If you’re going to brag tell people why it’s never boring.
Am always having a boring one
Im getting pulled away
My problem was he developed ED. We tried the different scenarios but it airways ended the same way. He could only climax one way our whole marriage. It wasn’t until he cheated that his ED got “fixed”.
My problem is my husband is a 5 time cancer survivor but when they did his first operation they nicked something that makes it hard for him to stay hard and we have tried all the pills and they don’t work I can’t help him sometime he can get off but other times nothing and he gets mad and thinks I’m going to leave him
Discuss with your husband to try a strapon and some lubrication. They work marvelous. The penetration feels like the real thing.
Perfect advice Thanks
Does it mean they don’t find you sexually attractive anymore if they don’t show any interest in wanting sex with you ?
I have learned a lot… Really learned a lot..
Wooow this is so amazing.This works , thanks a bunch. Am on truck now.
❣️❣️
Hello how are you doing today
My fiance watches porn constantly. He cant stay hard with me. He will not admit but he is in live chat rooms . I fear he will participate face to face.
This talks about men who initiate sex but not the other way around….How would you get them to? I was in a relationship I would initiate. I talked to him, mentioned things I like what I want… He didn’t listen or he made little jokes… So I did in fact end that relationship. Not just because the lack of sex but his lack of effort in the relationship and I was tired of putting effort (being one sided).
Same… What’s the advice for this problem?
At first our sex life was great. It was spontaneous, and he was hungry for me. But after a couple of months he stopped initiating it, and showed little interest, would rather watch tv for hours than be intimidate. Sometimes I initiated it but sometimes he said he was just too tired. I no longer felt desirable, like there was something wrong with me; I wasnt sexy enough. Especially because the relationship was new. I noticed this all kinda happened when he became addicted to weed/ marajuana
My sex is just 50/50
Our sex life is suffering severely right now…..because as soon as I start to get aroused, I vomit.
It’s the worst feeling in the world for me, I can only imagine how bad it makes him feel!!
Does anybody else have this problem?
You probably have a phobia. Take time to close your eyes (if it helps). You need to heal from a previous event in your life. Do some yoga n meditation in your spare time.Good luck.
Advice needed for the secret to awesome head job
No but she kinda trips or looks at me funny and I think hates it when rite after we have sex i want to jump in the shower ….
How can you reconnect with someone that you lived with for 7 years. Used to have a lot of sex then it slowly stopped. Always one a reason why he wanted did be want to. I had made the move first and got turned down. Just to find him later/ or the next day jerking himself off. Does this mean he’s not interested anymore
We are 66 and 68 years old we have awesome sex we tell each other what we like and what we don’t like my fiance is so easy to be with about everything we also rent a room just to get away and do what we want to do (fill fantasy) I’m the one who annishiates most of the time and we do it in the mornings as we are too exhausted at night we have gone at it about 8 times one morning it’s never once
My partner just tells me he dont want to see how nasty I can get. He thinks he suppose to be worship during sex. But yet have so many things he dont do. I love him but sex I’m getting deprived.