What to Do After a Break Up

There are few things in life as miserable as a breakup. A breakup lands you in a deep funk, a very dark place you may end up staying for a long time…some people literally stay in that pit of despair for years! At worst they may become hermits. Sometimes they may make rash decisions, sexually or socially. They don’t care…they’ve hit rock bottom.

There is no way to recover when you’re stuck in that pit of despair. You get engrossed in all that toxic, negative thinking.

“What if I did this or that differently?”

“I’m never going to love anyone this much ever again.”

Toxic thoughts only harm yourself! The ONLY way to survive is to break out of that cycle at any cost. Climb out of that hole as soon as possible and don’t look back. It’s time to plan your comeback.

Here are some things you definitely need to do after a breakup ASAP.

1. Accept your partner’s decision – with no public resentment.

Forgiving your ex is next to impossible, right? Maybe…but it’s necessary if YOU are going to get over him and become the empowered woman you want to be. As much as you want to stalk him, humiliate him on social media, and tell the truth about what a rat he is to all your friends, in the end, these impulsive decisions only reflect poorly on yourself.

Remember that forgiving your ex doesn’t mean you excuse what he did or that you will ever trust him again. It simply means you forgive yourself. You allow him his mistakes and drop the hatred and the vitriol inside of you. Because putting it all behind you is what allows you to live happily, which is of course, the best revenge.

Anything that you feel like doing that feels better emotionally is only hurting you in the long-run. It’s time to take a pause and reconsider everything you thought you knew.

2. Distance yourself from your ex.

Of course you want to stay friends, right? Ideally maybe you do and maybe someday you will. But that time is not now. Now is the time to redo your room, redo your picture frames and yes, redo all your social media feeds.

Because seeing your ex move on with his life is only going to distort your self-perception and keep you locked in this pit of despair. Make a pact with yourself that you’re not going to stalk him, check on him, keep talking to him like a buddy, or accidentally bump into him in person. Ask for a friend’s help if you feel like you’re going to cave. Remember, you can remove and block him or you can at least hide all his news feeds from social media. Don’t promise yourself that you’ll never talk to him again…you just need time away from him.

3. Don’t pretend like everything’s fine. Take some time to mourn. Take time for yourself.

It’s okay to cry, to feel sad, or be depressed for a while. It’s silly to think you can skip the grieving process and pretend like nothing bothers you. However, what is important is to put a limit on the time. If you don’t set a time to start mourning, you may never stop. It’s a dangerous time to be alone and it’s best to stop it from going on indefinitely or “until you feel better”. That won’t happen.

Give yourself a reasonable period of time and then decide on a new course of life. Rather than reopen old wounds by collecting old memories, focus on comforts—your favorite movies, your friends, family members and being active in a hobby you love. In other words, take time for yourself.

4. Give yourself a makeover and do something you’ve never done before.

When it’s time to get back out into the world, it’s time for your mind and body to be made anew. Superficial changes will help you to make internal changes. Start with a new look, a new haircut and a new agenda. Reinvent yourself so that nothing will ever feel the same. And yes, definitely allow yourself to feel sexy again. Take selfies and pro head or body shots and post them on Facebook and Instagram. Show your “new self” off and do it for YOU not for your ex or anyone else. This is all about owning the moment and falling in love with yourself…realizing that you deserve better than what you once had.

5. Let your body help you heal the breakup blues.

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comfort eating and comfort alcohol, for that matter. But when you seek to escape through artificial and unhealthy foods and beverages, you only hurt yourself. Instead, let your body naturally replenish by hitting the gym, taking a light jog or brisk walk, or practicing yoga. Exercise boosts endorphins, which drastically increases your mood AND does wonders for your health. Alcohol and Haagen Dazs is a temporary fix. Working out is a lifestyle change that will help you better cope with stress for the rest of your life.

6. Bond with your BFFs—both human and animal!

It’s a given that your friends can help you through painful times in your life. Just think of all the times you didn’t get to hang out with friends because the ex kept you busy! Now is a great time for catching up. Enjoy your free time.

Also, never underestimate the power of cat or dog cuddles. Studies have shown that pet affection is real—they even call it “pet therapy”, capable of helping sufferers of anxiety and stress find peace. It’s definitely OK to bring home a new feline or canine friend.

It’s never easy to get over someone you loved. But the next steps you take after a breakup will determine the rest of your life. You can survive this test and come out a stronger woman for it!

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Talk soon,

Matthew Coast

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About The Author

Matthew Coast

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