What Men Want in a Relationship

“Men want what they can’t have!”

Have you ever heard this expression or perhaps wondered it before? Maybe you had a contemptuous relationship with your ex and you gave him everything you had…only to discover he wanted more. Maybe that’s the secret…maybe men want what they can’t have and once they get it, they get bored!

Sounds plausible…but I assure you in most cases, this is not the case.

Men are idealistic and yes, to a fault. But ultimately what they want is for things to stay the same. They want the “you” that they first fall in love with but they don’t want to watch helplessly as the relationship changes, as you change, and as the entire living situation evolves into something completely opposite.

Let’s review what men really want in a relationship according to five wishes. These are “five wishes” that all women do bring to the relationship in the beginning…but sometimes forget to keep going for the long-term.

1. More sex than he can even handle.

A man’s worst fear is that he gets stuck with a wife who doesn’t enjoy sex. A man’s libido is connected to his self-worth, it’s part of his entire motivation to succeed—to be a father, to be confident around women and other men. Men oftentimes communicate through sex; the sex and especially the afterglow are among the most honest moments he will ever have.

That’s why men will definitely lose interest if they sense that sex is becoming routine or if you’re just “tolerating” it rather than enjoying it like he does. He figures if sex is becoming stressful or boring now, just imagine how bad it could be in ten years!

The answer then is NOT to put on an act of being an insatiable vixen that lives to please him. Rather, the answer is to actually enjoy sex like a man. Initiate it. Experiment as much as possible, within your comfort zone. Fulfill his fantasies and then have him fulfill yours. Let him know that you take sex seriously for your own sake and your own desires. It’s not just his treat, it’s an important part of your communication.

Remember also that physical touching every day is just as much a form of lovemaking as intercourse. Men want to be touched as a reassurance that they’re loved, appreciated and desired sexually. These love taps are biological…they really help to “maintenance” a long-term relationship.

2. Deep respect—because you want him to look good in front of others.

A man will turn on you quickly if he feels you laugh at him, mock him in front of other people, or belittle his dreams and fantasies. All of this can be avoided by simply showing him the respect he craves. You may well be the ONLY person in his life who respects him for who he really is. His friends probably make fun of him. His parents expect something from him. You’re the one who knows his heart. This is why he expects you to treat him, not like a servant, but like an adoring partner who wants to see him succeed. A partner who wants to see him wow the crowds and look like a hero in front of others. This kind of respect really comes from within yourself…the passions he has in life that you find admirable and that you’ve grown to love. If you love the kind of man he is, you would never even think of intentionally embarrassing him!

3. Emotional closeness and no filter.

What a man wants, even more than his wildest sex fantasy come true is emotional intimacy. The freedom to speak his mind and discuss all the thoughts, feelings and opinions he has. He may want to talk about a lot of subjects, from sexual fantasies to family history, to fears and phobias, to his lofty ambitions and his future. You don’t have to be his “perfect match” in all these areas. But what he wants from you is the complete freedom to be honest and to bare his soul.

He wants to feel safe with you as if he can tell you anything. He will literally expose his weaknesses to you, the cracks in his armor so to speak, so protecting his trust is important. Don’t push him away, don’t judge him and don’t “correct his thinking.” Just let him talk his way through his emotional baggage and get to a peaceful place.

Be aware too that sometimes men want you to initiate conversation—especially if it seems like they want to say something but are holding back. Let him know that you’re ready to listen whenever he’s ready to talk. You’re not just tolerating his conversation—you’re looking forward to bonding even deeper!

4. Independence, emotionally and physically.

Oftentimes, men will do the opposite of requesting a deep conversation. They will literally clam up, becoming distant, and appear to back away from the relationship. Sometimes they do this as a test. Sometimes they just need independence—and it’s something you should always be ready to give.

Don’t fight him. Don’t insist that he talk to you if he clearly is trying to run away. Give him his independence. Let him have physical space and “emotional space”. Don’t try to control him or send him any reassurances. In other words, don’t beg for his attention.

Be strong and work on becoming more independent yourself, if you sense that you’re too attached to him. When he’s ready to be emotionally intimate again, he will come find you…and you will make him work harder to get to that point, where he left off. Don’t wait for him and don’t apologize. Mirror the energy and the openness that he gives you. It’s not only what you deserve, as a strong confident woman who’s not defined by any man…it’s also what he wants.

5. Encouragement – give him the praise he earns.

A man may be tough as nails on the outside but on the inside, he’s a teddy bear. He has a sensitive ego and wants to be reassured. He doesn’t need mindless flattery or over-the-top worshiping. He only wants validation for what he does.

He wants to know that his efforts (including the little things he does around the house) are appreciated. He wants to know that you respect his career, his efforts to please you sexually, and his mission in life. He wants to be given compliments about his body, even outside of the bedroom, just like he wants you to appreciate his art, his ability to give a romantic speech, and the value of his career.

Don’t believe that too much praise will make him arrogant. Arrogant men just come that way, pre-packaged! A normal guy will always appreciate a compliment…and especially if it’s for something specific he’s done for you.

A man wants your approval above all else because this gives him a feeling of security. This is something he desperately needs if he’s going to make this a lifelong relationship.

As you can see, it’s not about constantly changing to keep his attention. What men want in a relationship is an assurance that the best time of his life—the courtship phase—never has to end! He can have all that he enjoys about dating casually while adding even greater emotional and romantic fulfillment.

He gets the total package! That’s what a man wants and once you learn his motivation it’s easy to give it to him and win his heart!

About The Author

Matthew Coast

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